how to deal with the silent treatment from a friend

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
3. Ignore it until it blows over. The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand.
4. Offer solutions. Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. ...
5. Stand up for yourself. When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first.

Full Answer

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

How to deal with the silent treatment?

If your partner is using the silent treatment, here are some things you can do:

1. Set boundaries – You deserve respect and if they aren’t willing to give it to you then there need to be consequences. ...
2. Don’t engage – Engaging with a narcissist when they are giving you the silent treatment will only prolong their pity party. ...
3. Get support – It’s important to get an outside perspective when dealing with the silent treatment. ...

Why are you receiving the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down. By working on the communication and striving to create an environment where you can both be open and honest about your feelings; you will strip away most of the reasons for applying the silent treatment.

What are the effects of Silent Treatment?

What to Do If Someone is Giving you the Silent Treatment

• show the person you are not bothered by their behavior
• do not let the perpetrator witness your negative emotions
• tell the person their behavior is immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. and laugh it off.

What to do if a friend gives you silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

How do you deal with the silent treatment with dignity?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."

How do you win a silent argument?

8. Silence is golden: Sometimes, silence is the most effective argument. Stop talking in the middle of the argument and stay quiet no matter what your opponent says or does. Use this tactic after you've made a pretty strong point and your opponent is trying to bluster his way out of the net you've entangled him in.

What is the psychology behind the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

How to deal with silent treatment?

Ask your friend about it. One way to deal with the silent treatment is to simply address it directly. Ask your friend what's going on, and see if you can get an answer. [1]

What to do when someone is being silly?

Apologizing can make the person realize they're being silly, plus it can get the conversation rolling to help fix the situation. If you can't get the person to pick up a phone call, consider sending them an email or even a regular letter to say you'll apologize if you can have a conversation.

Why is it important to tell your friend what you admire?

Telling your friend what you admire about him or her can help alleviate some of that jealousy because your friend may not realize that the things he or she has accomplished have value to others.

What happens if a friend is jealous?

If a friend is jealous, it can lead to a difficult situation. That's especially true if that friend decides to give you the silent treatment. First, you need to deal with the immediate situation, the silent treatment, and then you need to work on the underlying jealousy. Steps.

How to make your friend feel included?

If you do have a new relationship, make sure to invite your friend along sometimes. Of course, you don't always want another person along if you're dating someone, but creating a group environment sometimes, one where you can invite your friend along, will make your friend feel included.

What to do when someone gets upset when you share good news?

If the person gets upset when you share good news about what's going on in your life, that person isn't being a very good friend, and it's appropriate for you to bring it up. Focus on what you're feeling to guide the conversation, instead of blaming your friend.

Do you have to rub someone in their face?

However, you don't have to rub them in your friend's face, either, especially if the person is having a hard time, career-wise or in school. For instance, if you did really well recently at school or work, you may not want to bring it up unless the person asks. Talk about the person's jealousy or negativity.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

5 effective ways to respond to the silent treatment

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why the silent treatment needs to be banned

Professor Paul Schrodt is a leading figure in the research around why the silent treatment is bad for relationships.

Conclusion

After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?

When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

What to do if your boss has no sense of humor?

If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful! The main thing is to develop a strong sense of self and not let it get to you. Remember, you can only change your behavior, not anyone else’s.

Can laughing at someone incite them?

Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.

Can I go to therapy with my spouse?

Getting your spouseto go to therapy with you may not always be possible, but if the relationships is important to them and you feel that their behavior is irreparably damaging it, you might be in a position to strongly encourage even demand it of them. If not, go to therapy on your own so you can learn how to handle their behavior in a way ...

Does Psych Central review?

Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com.

How to avoid silent treatment?

1. Improve your communication skills. Better communication skills can help avoid a repeat of the silent treatment if it turns out that a miscommunication caused it in the first place. There are a few simple things you can do to improve your communication skills.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Most people who use the silent treatment on a regular basis do it to get a reaction. If you sound overly hurt or sad, or even desperate to get their friendship back, it gives them incentive to keep using the silent treatment. Instead, do your best to sound calm and in control.

How to confront someone who is silent?

If someone is giving you the silent treatment, you can confront them by having a calm and honest conversation. Ask them to speak in a private place, like a park bench or quiet coffee shop, so you won't get distracted. As you talk, tell them you value your relationship and express how their silence makes you feel.

What does it mean when someone refuses to talk to you?

If they refuse to meet or talk with you, that's a pretty good indication that they're using the silent treatment to manipulate or control you. It's okay at that point to tell them you understand they don't want to talk, and that you'll be walking away from the relationship.

What to do if you are in a manipulative relationship?

If you are in a manipulative, controlling, or abusive relationship, you might want to see a therapist to discuss the relationship and your place in it. It can also help to share your concerns about your relationship with a trusted friend or family member, who can support you during a difficult time.

How to talk to someone in public?

1. Ask to speak in private. If you talk to them in a public place, it's easier for them to change the subject or for the two of you to get interrupted. Instead, ask if you can talk to them somewhere private – maybe an out-of-the-way bench in a park or even a quiet corner of a coffee shop.

What to do if you notice a personality change?

If you notice a really severe personality change and other mutual friends do, too, talk to the person immediately. They could be in a position where they really need help. Keep in mind that they might not even be aware they're giving you the silent treatment.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.