Sometimes, going silent may be the best thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. People might also use it in moments where they don’t know how to express themselves or feel overwhelmed. But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
Full Answer
Is the silent treatment ever a good idea?
The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.
Which demographic loves the silent treatment the most?
One demographic of the population that particularly loves the silent treatment is the narcissist. In fact, the silent treatment is the narcissist’s favorite weapon.
How do you respond to the silent treatment?
Before diving into ways to respond to the silent treatment, it’s important to know how to recognize when it becomes abusive. Sometimes, going silent may be the best thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. People might also use it in moments where they don’t know how to express themselves or feel overwhelmed.
How long should the silent treatment last in a relationship?
Don’t let it stretch: Silent treatment will be effective only when partners reconnect quickly and make an effort to work through their issues. So, one clear answer to how long should the silent treatment last is to not let it stretch for days, weeks or months.
Is silent treatment the best treatment?
While sometimes the silent treatment is just a short-term way to cool down, it's when it's used as a deliberate strategy to inflict pain and control that it's a problem. That treatment is never okay to use. In fact, it is unhelpful for anything other than a very brief period.
How long should the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Why silent treatment is the best?
Why is using silent treatment in a relationship so effective? Because it helps you to reach a compromise often. If one person falls silent and disengages from the argument this not only helps in breaking away from the cycle of angry arguments it also helps to open a dialogue and reach a compromise.
Why is silence the best revenge?
Silence speaks volumes Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.
Why is silence so powerful?
Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.
How do you respond to silent treatment?
How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.
Is silent treatment a form of control?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
Does silent treatment hurt a man?
1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them. Silence is used as a weapon to cut off meaningful conversations, stop the flow of information, and ultimately hurt the other person.
How powerful is the silent treatment?
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.
What is silent treatment?
The Silent Treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with someone who desires communication. The person using it may even refuse to acknowledge another person’s presence. Through silence, displeasure, anger, and frustration are hoped to be communicated.
How does it start?
This manipulative form of punishment is dated back to the 19th century. It was a sort of ‘treatment’ through silence. In 1835, as an alternative to physical punishment, prisoners were forbidden from speaking, were called by a number instead of their name, and were made to cover their faces.
Why do people engage in silent tretament?
The silent treatment could be used for several reasons, some of them include:
How to break silent treatment?
Sometimes going silent is a better way to avoid things that you might say and can’t take back. But if you’ve been giving the silent treatment to someone then it’s time to address the issue, explain yourself clearly, and also apologize.
What to do when someone gives it to you?
If you’ve ever received the silent treatment then please understand that it’s more about them than you. It’s difficult to be okay with someone close to you giving you the silent treatment. You’d be willing to do anything to get back in their good books. But this encourages them to repeat the problematic behavior whenever needed.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is emotional abuse. When a victim is in a relationship with a person who causes the above mentioned distress, her mind and body remember how upsettingand anxiety provoking theprevioussilent treatment occurrences were.
Why is silent treatment not blatant?
The only person who really feels the silent treatment is the target. The person giving the silent treatment is not being overtly aggressive, abusive, or unkind in any visible way. This keeps himlooking “good” and reasonable.
Who said "Codependent no more"?
Melody Beattie, the Codependent No More author, has a great line for when a codependent doesn’tlike what the addict in herlife is doing. I think the quote is perfect for those dealing with the silent treatment. I recommend that you make it your own; it is: ” Celebrate the ‘no’!
Is silent treatment abusive?
Whether the person in your life is using the silent treatment immaturely or abusively, one thing is for sure, it is infuriating to receive; problems cannot bedealt with, conflicts remain unresolved, simple conversations are thwarted, and in the end, relationships employing this tactic become either toxic on nonexistent.
What is silent treatment?
Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.
Why is silent treatment important?
for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.
How does silent treatment affect relationships?
How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.
Why do people stay silent in a conversation?
These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
How does silence end?
the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.
What to do when someone threatens you?
If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.
Who should take steps to address silent treatment?
People who regularly use or experience the silent treatment should take steps to address it.
Why is silent treatment called the weapon of choice?
Generally, it’s called on as the weapon of choice because it’s powerful and it’s easy to get away with.
Does silent treatment damage a relationship?
Nobody engage s the silent treatment expecting it to damage the relationship, and that’s the danger.
How effective is the silent treatment?
The silent treatment will be effective if you’re using it for taking some time off from your partner and trying to look deep within yourself. Most people realize the mistakes they are making this way. Sasha and her boyfriend did not talk for a week after they had a heated argument.
How does silent treatment help?
She says, “The silent treatment can help revive connections that have been fairly healthy , in that it allows both partners to list out their differences and introspect. When communications are laced with more opinions and fewer facts in healthy connections, giving each other space for a while may help in rekindling the connection and setting a new equation. But this is about giving space and not shutting down on your partner. It may help bring about effective communication and has to be used carefully, being aware of the goal at all times.”
How to give silent treatment in a relationship?
The key to giving silent treatment in a relationship is to manage and balance it perfectly. While you want to disengage and let the bad feelings dissipate, you also do not want to hurt your partner in an irrevocable way.
Why did Radhika Sapru stay silent?
Radhika Sapru (name changed) discovered the benefits of silent treatment early on in her relationship with Rohit. That was the only way she could tackle her hot-tempered boyfriend who was actually a gem at heart, she felt. But when Rohit got angry there was no point trying to show him any kind of reason. Usually at times like that Radhika chose to stay silent. Sometimes on a date or even on the phone, if Rohit flew off the hook, Radhika just kept her mouth shut letting him cool down first.
What are the benefits of silent treatment?
We write 8 benefits of silent treatment. 1. Silent treatment could dissipate tension. Silent treatment could be beneficial and abusive too. Silent treatment in marriage is thought to be a way of punishing a partner and is akin to passive aggressive behavior. But it is not always as mean as it is made out to be.
How to end a relationship with a narcissist?
It would tire them out and they would want to open a dialogue. And if you want to end the relationship, then just use the silent treatment as an opportunity to move on.
Why do people use silent treatment?
This helps to diffuse the aggression that one person is feeling. 2. You can understand your partner better. People who use the silent treatment as a method of punishing their partner can stay silent for days building a wall around them and behaving that their partner doesn’t exist. This is terrible for a relationship.
What is the silent treatment?
Ah the silent treatment, that common game of emotional chicken that makes you search every inch of your brain trying to work out what you did wrong.
Why do people use silent treatment?
Some people may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner.
Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?
Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.
What is the first move in silent treatment?
Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.
Why does being a recipient of the silent treatment feel alien?
Being a recipient of the silent treatment feels alien because it goes against our basic social needs as human beings.
What to do if you think someone's behavior is beyond change?
If you think the person’s behavior is beyond change or the silent treatment repeats itself on a regular basis then you should consider leaving the relationship.
Should silent treatment be avoided?
After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.
What is the silent treatment?
The silent treatment goes by many names: shunning, social isolation, stonewalling, ghosting. Although psychologists have nuanced definitions for each term, they are all essentially forms of ostracism. And the tactic is nothing new. Ancient Greeks expelled for 10 years citizens who were thought to be a threat to democracy, and early American settlers banished people accused of practicing witchcraft. Religions have frozen out individuals for centuries: Catholics call it excommunication, herem is the highest form of punishment in Judaism, and the Amish practice Meidung. The Church of Scientology recommends total “ disconnection ” from anyone deemed antagonistic toward the religion.
How long does silent treatment last?
In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
What to do when someone is using the silent treatment?
But when someone is using the silent treatment to exclude, punish, or control, the victim should tell the perpetrator that they wish to resolve the issue. To “voice the pain of being ignored” is a constructive way of expressing one’s feelings, and may elicit a change if the relationship is truly founded on care, Margaret Clark, a psychology professor at Yale, told me in an email. Although a victim of ostracism should certainly apologize if they’ve done something hurtful, Fishel said, “it’s time to call a couple’s therapist” if your spouse uses the silent treatment tactically and often. “One of the worst feelings in an intimate relationship is to feel ignored,” she said. “It often feels better to engage in a conflict than to feel shut out completely.”
How to stop a conflict from curdling into ostracism?
One way to prevent a conflict from curdling into ostracism is to say out loud the exact amount of time you’ll be taking a break and to establish a timeline for when you’ll pick the conversation back up , Williams said. In some circumstances, it’s okay for unhealthy relationships to end abruptly, without notice, and with no expectation to resume—such as when a spouse or partner is physically abusive.
Why is silent treatment so insidious?
The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn’t know why they’re apologizing. “It’s especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.
What does partial ostracism mean?
“Partial ostracism,” Williams told me, might mean monosyllabic replies —a terse period at the end of a one-word text message. But in serious cases, ostracism can take a heavy toll whereby victims become anxious, withdrawn, depressed, or even suicidal.
How long was the silence of a wife?
A wife whose husband severed communication with her early in their marriage. “She endured four decades of silence that started with a minor disagreement and only ended when her husband died,” Williams said. Forty years of eating meals by herself, watching television by herself—40 years of being invisible.
What is “the silent treatment” and how can you win it?
You’ll surely know what it feels like when someone gives you the silent treatment. They simply stop talking to you – for hours, days or even weeks.
What does it mean when you use the silent treatment?
When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse.
How to get rid of the silent treatment?
2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.
What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?
If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.
Is silent treatment hurtful?
Being treated with the silent treatment is hurtful. You deserve better. So here are three steps you can undertake to encourage your partner to communicate in a more helpful way…
Does silent treatment work?
The silent treatment can work if you’ve stopped dating someone who keeps bothering you.
Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?
At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.
