what to do when he gives me the silent treatment

^{How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment}

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
3. Ignore it until it blows over. The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand.
4. Offer solutions. Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. ...
5. Stand up for yourself. When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first.

Full Answer

How do you deal with someone who gives the silent treatment?

If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches: Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

What to do when your ex gives you the silent treatment?

When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for their behavior, no matter what they tell you. If that person genuinely wants to change, they’ll get themselves into counseling.

What happens when a man gives you the silent treatment?

If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, you might feel completely ostracized. People who use the silent treatment as a means of control want to put you in your place. They’ll give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks on end to achieve those goals. This is emotional abuse.

How do you know if your husband is giving the silent treatment?

Here are a few signs that suggest the silent treatment is crossing the line into emotional abuse territory: It’s a frequent occurrence and is lasting for longer periods. It’s coming from a place of punishment, not a need to cool off or regroup. It only ends when you apologize, plead, or give in to demands.

What does it mean when a man gives you the silent treatment?

The silent treatment (also known as withholding) is used to punish and regain control of a person. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most.

How do you beat the silent treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment#1. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation. ... #2. Use the Sandwich Method. ... #3. Listen and Not Just Talk. ... #4. Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment. ... #5. Let Go of Your Grudge. ... #6. Be Strong. ... #7. Remember: The Recipient Doesn't Always Need To Initiate. ... #13. Think About Professional Therapy.

How long should silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

How do you confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment?

7 Useful Ways to Confront Someone Giving You the Silent Treatment...Question Your Own Behavior.Rehearse What You Are Going to Say.Speak in Private.Write Them a Letter/E-mail.Use Humor.Pay Attention to Your Tone.Act in a More Assertive Manner.

Should I ignore silent treatment?

Ignore it until it blows over The silent treatment isn't always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it's an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on. Or, it can be a passive-aggressive approach to keeping you under control.

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

What does a man's silence mean?

This simply means that to work things out mentally and emotionally, women may prefer to "talk it out" whereas men may prefer to "think it out" and "work it out"—alone. This is the instant in which he may withdraw in silence.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

How do you let go of someone who won't talk to you?

If someone is giving you the silent treatment, you can confront them by having a calm and honest conversation. Ask them to speak in a private place, like a park bench or quiet coffee shop, so you won't get distracted. As you talk, tell them you value your relationship and express how their silence makes you feel.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

Is silent treatment toxic?

It's OK if you just need some time to “cool off”. But intentional and prolonged silent treatment is a form of social ostracism that can cause severe emotional and even physical harm. It's a form of punishment and is usually employed by toxic or narcissistic individuals.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

Why is silent treatment bad?

The silent treatment is one of the most damaging relationship problems. It gives no resolve to the situation if there is an issue that needs to be addressed, and it makes the other person feel as though that whatever the issue is, is more important than discussing it to even get to a resolve. It causes damage to the relationship because it makes ...

How to not be entangled in a power struggle?

So you must manage your own emotions. You have NO control over how people deal with you but you are in full control over your reaction to them. Make a couple of self-talk statements: “Here he is with that; I will not participate in this with him.”.

What does it mean when someone gives you a stonewall?

When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.

What to do if your partner gives you the silent treatment?

To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Both you and your partner need to feel this deep sense of value to have a fulfilling relationship that lasts over time.

What does it mean when you are treated unfairly?

In relationships, as in the workplace, this means that if you’re treated unfairly, you’ll use the passive-aggressive state of silence in an effort to defend your sense of self in a way that is less risky than speaking out about the unfairness. You can’t get in trouble, so this reasoning goes, for what you don’t say.

Is silence better than conversation?

Silence can sometimes be better than conversation, especially if you and your partner need to take a break from an argument and just cool off. When one partner refuses to speak, however, the silence can seem unbearable, especially if it continues. In the dirty dishes scenario, it would seem like your partner is resorting to silence as a way ...

What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?

Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

Why is silent treatment important?

for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.

How does silent treatment affect relationships?

How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.

Why do people stay silent in a conversation?

These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

How does silence end?

the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.

What to do if someone feels they are in danger?

If a person feels that they or their family are in immediate danger, they must call 911. If they are not in immediate danger, a person who believes that their partner is abusive should consider whether or not they wish to stay in the relationship. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to:

Why do we continue to use the silent treatment?

Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.

What to do when you feel overwhelmed?

When feeling overwhelmed, it is important and even responsible to pull back, reflect and choose your actions carefully. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative.

What did the Apostle James know about the power of the tongue?

The Apostle James knew full well the lethal power of the tongue, but also seemed to know that there is a place for quiet spaces in a relationship. The words of James are very apropos to relationships. We need to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. We must learn to be quick to listen.

What to do if your boyfriend is silent?

In case your boyfriend is giving you the silent treatment for something that you did, immediately apologise. It might not be easy if you’re someone with a big ego. But if you really love your boyfriend then you should be sorry for hurting him.

How to warm your boyfriend's heart?

Your boyfriend can give you the silent treatment for as long as he wants. But you can warm his heart by acting normal. Just carry on with your days as usual. Send him texts like you usually do.

How to respond to silent treatment?

Here are some ways to respond to the silent treatment. 1. Take Time to Cool Off. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was preceded by an argument, fight, or emotional outburst.

How to deal with a silent spouse?

Give Your Partner Space to Think. Avoid trying to figure out what your silent partner or spouse is thinking. You're not a mind-reader. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of communication. If you do their thinking for them, they won't learn how to be direct when sharing their thoughts and feelings.

What is a good morning jellygator?

Good Morning jellygator so nice meeting you, just enjoyed your fascinating, detailed hub, you covered so many interesting situations about the heartaches of relationships. As well as ideas and possible solutions, relationships are something not always easy. An excellent hub for all those couples searching for answers. Happy to be following you. Linda

What does it mean when a man says he's busy but he acts disinterested?

In other words, "He says he's busy, but he acts disinterested" means he's probably disinterested. This is especially true if you called his attention to it and he hasn't tried to improve things and hasn't taken your complaint seriously.

What does it mean when your partner is silent?

In some cases, the silent partner is attempting to escape another toxic dynamic. If you are trying to force them to change or do things your way, you're giving them a reason to withdraw. If you criticize them as a person or assigning blame instead of focusing on finding solutions, you're contributing to the dynamic. If you let yourself feel like a victim, get depressed, or pout, you must recognize that you've been engaging in control tactics, too, and pledge to stop.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating.

How to control your partner?

Changing Your Approach to the Relationship 1 Remind yourself that your partner feels uncertain and out of control. 2 Do not resort to sulking, pouting, or badgering. Try to maintain a calm attitude if you can. Take a walk to get a breath of air. 3 Consider whether you too might be trying to control the relationship more than your partner is comfortable with.

What to do when your dog doesn't fall into your arms?

If they don’t fall immediately into your arms, a little down time is likely needed. Offer to listen when they are ready to talk. You can go to another room, out in the garage, or leave on an errand. The more productive your errand, the better.

Is the silent treatment fair?

But the silent treatment isn’t fair, and it’s harmful to both parties. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. The receiving end of the silent treatment isn’t easy either. You shouldn’t be a doormat.