What should you do when your spouse has cancer?
One of the initial steps to take when a spouse has cancer is to evaluate the seriousness of the disease at hand. Some cancers like breast cancer commonly have a high life expectancy. Early diagnosis and tailored treatment options have shown the average 5-year survival rate to be 90%, which will let both of you live a happy life post-divorce.
Is your spouse being shunted aside during cancer treatment?
Few appreciate the pain, fear, and confusion endured by the spouse or partner. Unfortunately, while attention and treatments are being given to the person with cancer, the spouse is sometimes shunted aside.
How does my spouse’s cancer affect me?
Although your spouse has cancer, the illness is really happening to both of you. Your life is being disrupted in many of the same ways. You are sharing many of the same emotions and concerns. You are both challenged to find constructive ways of dealing with the disruptions and threats posed by cancer and with the side effects of medical treatments.
Should a couple divorce during a cancer diagnosis?
When a spouse has cancer, it can be very difficult to navigate through the emotional and physical turmoil. Should a couple divorce during a serious illness? When a spouse has cancer, it can be very difficult to navigate through the emotional and physical turmoil that the illness brings on.
Can you refuse medical treatment for cancer?
Treatment decision making is an ongoing process; thus, patients who initially refuse treatment may later choose to undergo conventional cancer treatment if given the adequate support, information, and time necessary to make the decision.
What do you do if someone refuses treatment for cancer?
If you feel your loved one is refusing treatment because of denial, or because of fear of undergoing treatment, talk to the oncologist. You may want to visit a counselor or support group together.
What do you do when your husband has cancer?
5 Ways You Can Help a Spouse With CancerCommunicate from the very start and throughout the entire experience. ... Help your spouse or partner get over the initial shock of a cancer diagnosis. ... Listen and give your loved one the space to react and reflect. ... Make sure you take care of yourself. ... Manage the logistics of treatment.
What do you do when your husband has terminal cancer?
How can I help my loved one cope with a terminal illness? Let the person know that you're willing to listen — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. Don't, however, try to replace a trained counselor.
What happens if cancer not treated?
The bottom line. Cancer can kill when tumors affect the function of major organs. Life threatening complications can also occur due to malnutrition, a weakened immune system, and lack of oxygen. Cancer treatments can prevent some of these complications, as well as disease progression.
What happens if you leave cancer untreated?
For some people, the cancer can't be controlled anymore and spreads to healthy tissues and organs. Cancer cells take up the needed space and nutrients that the healthy organs would use. As a result, the healthy organs can no longer function. For other people, complications from treatment can cause death.
Does cancer cause divorce?
In 263,616 cancer patients and 3.4 million healthy individuals, we found that cancer is associated with a slightly decreased divorce rate, except for cervical cancer, which seems to be associated with an increased divorce rate.
Why do marriages fall apart after cancer?
They could include anxiety about the possibility of recurrence, the fragility of life, or the impact of changes in physical appearance on intimacy in a marriage. And they might include stress from all that needs to get done in the day-to-day of normal life that had been put aside during treatment.
Why are cancer patients so mean?
Cancer patients simply want to be their old selves, Spiegel says, so they often can fail to make their new needs clear to their loved ones and caregivers, which can lead to frustration and anger.
How long can you live with terminal cancer?
Someone with a terminal illness may live for days, weeks, months or years. It often depends on their diagnosis and any treatment they are having. It can be difficult for healthcare professionals to predict exactly how long someone with a terminal illness will live (their prognosis).
What is the most common cause of death in cancer patients?
What were the leading causes of cancer death in 2020? Lung cancer was the leading cause of cancer death, accounting for 23% of all cancer deaths. Other common causes of cancer death were cancers of the colon and rectum (9%), pancreas (8%), female breast (7%), prostate (5%), and liver and intrahepatic bile duct (5%).
When is cancer considered terminal?
Terminal cancer refers to cancer that can't be cured or treated. It's sometimes also called end-stage cancer. Any type of cancer can become terminal cancer.
How do you feel about cancer?
You both may feel anxious, helpless, or afraid. You may even find it hard to be taken care of by someone you love. Some relationships get stronger during cancer treatment. Others are weakened. Nearly all couples feel more stress than usual when cancer occurs. They often feel stress about:
How to make a relationship work?
Be a Team. You and your partner may need to be a team now more than ever. It may help to think things through together. Talk about what decisions you should make together and which ones you should make alone. You may want to decide what tasks to share and if other people in your life could help with them.
How to help spouse with cancer?
Seek support. As the spouse of a person with cancer, you can't pretend to go it alone. Support groups, whether traditional and online, are excellent ways to share your feelings freely and without guilt. Members of the clergy, counselors, and trusted friends are also good outlets.
What happens when your spouse is ill?
When your spouse is ill, you are often forced to take on responsibilities you never had before. You may suddenly find yourself juggling domestic duties and a full-time job. In time, you may begin to doubt whether you' are doing either well. Insecurities start to set in.
Why is my wife's libido low?
Your spouse has lost interest in sex and intimacy. A low libido can be a side effect of cancer treatment. It can also be caused by low self-esteem due to hair loss, weight loss, and the everyday stress of being ill.
How to cope with cancer?
There a few things you can do to better cope with these feelings: Keep your eyes on the prize. Cancer may have become a part of who your spouse is, but it doesn't define them. Focus on the qualities you've always love about your other half, be it a laugh, smile, or a personal quirk nobody else can get.
Is caring for your spouse stressful?
Caring for your spouse's daily needs can be stressful. You may doubt your abilities, have trouble organizing your time, and feel like your life isn't yours anymore. Caregiving is a demanding role that even in the best of circumstances can lead to caregiver burnout.
Does cancer have a set course?
But it doesn't always work out that way. In the end, cancer doesn't have a set course. There will be good days and bad, and recovery can extend well beyond what either of you could ever have expected.
Can you abstain from intimacy?
If you had a healthy sex life prior to treatment, it may be difficult for you to abstain from intimacy for a long period of time. The more you try to hide this feeling, the worse the feelings get. The stress of being a caregiver has become overwhelming. Caring for your spouse's daily needs can be stressful.
What to do when spouse has cancer?
One of the initial steps to take when a spouse has cancer is to evaluate the seriousness of the disease at hand. Some cancers like breast cancer commonly have a high life expectancy. Early diagnosis and tailored treatment options have shown ...
What to do if your marriage is disrupted by cancer?
If your relationship was disrupted before the cancer diagnosis, chances are that it’s not going to improve when factoring in sickness. Seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor could improve your relationship or save your marriage. If the romance is gone, talking to someone can help remind you of the importance of why you needed each other in ...
What does seeing a therapist as a couple teach you?
Seeing a therapist as a couple can teach you to rationalize the illness and come to terms with the fact that in some cases it is no one’s fault and people naturally grow apart.
Why do couples see therapists?
Seeing a therapist on an individual level can help with any feelings of hopelessness or depression associated with sickness, help you gain better-coping skills with your marriage ending, and lead you to a brighter future. Seeing a therapist as a couple can teach you to rationalize the illness and come to terms with the fact ...
How long does it take to get divorced from cancer?
Cancer is even more difficult to deal with when the couple is considering divorce. On average, the process of divorce takes about 11 months from start to finish. During that time, emotions are sensitive, your daily routine is changed, and the person who you have invested in the most fades away. While divorce is an already upsetting process, going ...
How many couples break up after cancer?
Fifty percent of couples break up during a cancer diagnosis. This shocking number has been proven due to the lack of ability to cope with the ever-evolving physical and emotional changes associated with a serious disease.
Can a spouse move out of a relationship with cancer?
Every diagnosis and sickness is different. No relationship will experience the same exact situations when a spouse has cancer. When it comes down to the serious decisions, the only two people that should have a say is the couple. If you feel the right time to move out is before the treatment starts, that needs to happen.
How to help spouse with cancer?
Snyder gives some suggestions for how you can help your spouse or partner move through a cancer diagnosis and treatment: 1. Communicate from the very start and throughout the entire experience . Often, we don’t ask people what they need or want and at the same time, we don’t express what we need, either. Make a pact with your spouse ...
How to get rid of cancer?
Make time to pamper yourself through relaxing baths, reading books, taking walks and exercising. “While it can be difficult, it’s important to keep a sense of humor and laugh when you can,” says Snyder. “Know that it’s OK to enjoy life.”. Try to maintain your routines – everything doesn’t have to focus on cancer.
What to do when your loved one is sad?
Most of the time, however, the best thing you can do is simply sit and listen .
About the Lecture
Marc Silver is the author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond, named one of the top consumer health books of 2004 by Library Journal. His wife, Marsha Dale, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001. When he couldn’t find a book to help him cope, he wrote one himself.
Speaker
Marc Silver, author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond, talks openly about being a husband/partner to a woman diagnosed with cancer. When asked: “What do men get wrong when the woman they love has cancer?” Answer: “A lot. We try to fix things. We do too much. We don’t do enough.
Lecture Summary
Marc spoke at Insights Into Cancer on May 11, 2010 and we decided to print this interview as a summary of the ideas presented in his talk.
How to deal with a wife who has cancer?
1. Get past the initial shock together. If your spouse was just diagnosed with cancer, it is normal and natural for you both to feel shaken and scared, angry, tearful, and many other emotions.
What happens if your spouse has cancer?
If your spouse has been diagnosed with cancer, what you never expected and never wanted to happen has just become all too real and all too personal to both of you. As much as you might want to wish it away, to reset everything back to the way it was before, you can't.
How to help my spouse with medication?
Talk openly and be honest, give doctors and nurses the best and clearest information you can, and trust them to provide the best care they can. Keep detailed notes on all of the medications your spouse takes . A written list, either on the computer or handwritten, can be of great help.
What to do if spouse becomes incapacitated?
If your spouse becomes incapacitated, find out whether he or she is eligible to collect disability insurance, sickness benefits, and in-home health care. ...
How to care for your spouse after death?
Make arrangements for childcare in the event of your spouse's death or if you are called upon to spend more time caring for your spouse. It might be helpful to have a group of neighbors willing to care for your children any time of day or night. Perhaps they can coordinate a schedule amongst themselves.
What to do if your spouse's health insurance drops?
If it drops for any reason, it will be difficult or impossible to reinstate it later. Prepare a power of attorney (or equivalent document, for both financial matters and health care decisions. Prepare an emergency health care directive stating your spouse's wishes clearly regarding extraordinary measures.
Can chemotherapy cause nausea?
8. Indulge your spouse's new eating preferences. Chemotherapy can cause nausea, but it can also cause flavors to taste "off"; food may taste metallic or bitter.
