Giving the Silent Treatment 1 Know that it's okay to say nothing. In some situations, words are not needed and even not appreciated. Especially if you may say something that either may not be helpful or make the situation worse, keep your words to yourself. You can avoid hurting someone’s feelings by simply not saying anything at all.
Full Answer
Why are you receiving the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down. By working on the communication and striving to create an environment where you can both be open and honest about your feelings; you will strip away most of the reasons for applying the silent treatment.
How to respond to the silent treatment?
Key things to do when responding to the silent treatment and why:
- Give the angry party some space. Before you do anything, you should give the angry party some space and time alone so that they can be with their feelings. ...
- Rethink the situation from the other person’s point of view. ...
- Seek the opinion of a trusted third party. ...
- Ask to know what is wrong. ...
- Apologize. ...
What couples should know about the silent treatment?
Some common topics that may lead to the silent treatment are:
- Finances
- Kids
- Sexual intimacy
- Who you’re spending time around
- Work (hours, expectations, other co-workers)
How to handle silent treatment abuse with dignity?
How to respond to the silent treatment
- Present your partner or spouse with the research They need to know there’s good evidence that ignoring you is endangering the future of your relationship.
- Write them a letter Base it on the information in my article on how to avoid constant arguments. ...
- If it’s an abusive relationship – leave
How do you execute the silent treatment?
Don't talk to the person. The primary characteristic of the silent treatment is not talking to the person. Basically, you don't say anything, not even if the person tries to engage you in conversation. You actively choose not to respond to any comments, discussions, or accusations.
How long should silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
How do you outsmart the silent treatment?
How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent TreatmentWhen it's abusive.Make it about them.Make it about you.Ignore it.Offer solutions.Stand up for yourself.What not to do.Signs of emotional abuse.More items...•
Is it OK to give someone the silent treatment?
Giving someone the silent treatment may not always be such a bad thing. It may actually be a good way to deal with someone who is acting like a jerk, a new study finds.
What silence does to a man?
Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.
Why is silence the best revenge?
Silence speaks volumes Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.
How can the silent treatment backfire?
If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!
What a narcissist thinks during silent treatment?
Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants.
Does silence hurt a narcissist?
Essentially, the narcissistic person's message is one of extreme disapproval to the degree that the silence renders the target so insignificant that he or she is ignored and becomes more or less nonexistent in the eyes of the narcissistic person.
Does silent treatment hurt a man?
1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them. Silence is used as a weapon to cut off meaningful conversations, stop the flow of information, and ultimately hurt the other person.
Does silent treatment mean break up?
The silent treatment is a particularly toxic form of behavior that can lead to the breakdown of relationships. When a partner gives you the silent treatment, you might feel a crazy need to make him talk.
Is silent treatment immature?
At best the silent treatment isan immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulativeindividuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. One demographic of the population that particularly loves the silent treatment is the narcissist.
What is the silent treatment?
As the term implies, someone who engages in the silent treatment stops talking to you. You want to communicate, and the other person refuses.
Is the individual expressing pain?
If you search online for information about the silent treatment, you’ll find articles saying that the individual is hurt or needs space in order to deal with whatever happened. The advice is to do nothing, give the person space, and talk when he or she is ready.
Sociopaths and the silent treatment
The most important thing to understand about sociopaths is that they are fundamentally incapable of a normal loving relationship. They do not have the ability to put another person’s needs before their own. They do not value human connection. The inability to love is the root of their personality disorder, and it will not change.
4 warning signs of a sociopathic silent treatment
How do you know whether the individual giving you the silent treatment is hurt or a sociopath? Here are four warning signs of disorder:
Escaping the damage
Sociopaths use the silent treatment to exert power and control over you, and it works. You feel like you’re wrong, a failure and not worth talking to. Each time you apologize for something you did not do, you lose a bit more of your self-esteem. The longer you stay in the relationship, the more worthless you will feel.
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.
What to do if you are silent?
If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.
What is selfish treatment?
The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.
How to win silent treatment?
1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.
What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?
So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.
What does it mean when something isn't going their way?
When something isn’t going their way, they know that their silent treatment may be the only real key to turning the tables and getting exactly what they want, after all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This all depends on the strength and maturity of their intended target. 2. The narcissist.
What is silent treatment?
Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.
What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?
Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.
Why is silent treatment important?
for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.
How does silent treatment affect relationships?
How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.
Why do people stay silent in a conversation?
These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
How does silence end?
the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.
What to do if someone feels they are in danger?
If a person feels that they or their family are in immediate danger, they must call 911. If they are not in immediate danger, a person who believes that their partner is abusive should consider whether or not they wish to stay in the relationship. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to:
It is possible to learn how to win the silent treatment. You just have to stay strong against the pressures of guilt and manipulation
In my younger years, the silent treatment caused me massive amounts of pain and suffering. I guess it was because I just hated when someone I loved wouldn’t talk to me. To understand how to win the silent treatment, however, I had to mature. I had to reach a place where this type of manipulation could not affect me any longer.
When Silence Rules
If the silent treatment is such an awful experience, why do we do it in the first place?
How to Deal With The Silent Treatment
So how can you deal with the silent treatment? The answer is deceivingly simple. You’re going to have to use your words (I know, ugh). Whether you are the person receiving or giving the silent treatment, there are actions you can take to start a conversation:
1. Name The Experience
You can avoid the silent treatment by compassionately acknowledging what you’re feeling. Avoid accusations or hostile language and try not to overthink it. I know for me, a simple “I know I’ve been quiet lately” or “Hey, I noticed you’re not responding to me” opens the door to healthier communication.
3. Suggest Next Steps
When I have to bring up any type of problem or issue in a situation, I try to always have next steps to bring to the table. This helps me keep the conversation focused and away from getting caught in the blame game.
What Harm Does The Silent Treatment Cause?
In some primitive societies, ostracism (which is a total exclusion–as if the person did not exist) can lead to death in some cases. While shunning & ostracism probably won’t kill you, it certainly can feel bad.
What is the Silent Treatment?
Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
How to deal with emotional abuse?
Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.
How does being ostracized affect your self esteem?
Research shows that frequently feeling ostracized can reduce your self-esteem and sense of belonging. It can leave you feeling like you’re without control. This effect may be more intense when it’s done by someone close to you as a form of punishment. know the signs.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
How to get rid of the silent treatment?
2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.
What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?
If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.
Is the silent treatment good?
No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.
Can you change your partner's therapy?
you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.
Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?
At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.
Is it safe to ignore your spouse?
Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.
What is silent treatment?
As its name indicates, the silent treatment is something that’s done to somebody. It’s done on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, “I don’t like what you did.”. In contrast, while estrangement often feels punitive when you're on the receiving end, punishment is not necessarily the intent.
What happens when one person pulls away from another?
Estrangement happens when one person pulls away from another in order to protect him or herself from experiencing harm. In the case of family estrangement, painful interpersonal dynamics can reach a breaking point at which one person says, “I can’t do this anymore.”. They may not say it out loud.
Is the pain of estrangement short lived?
The pain of the experience may be intense, but it’s short-lived. There’s the conviction that “this will be over one day,” making it psychologically manageable, albeit very unpleasant. The pain of estrangement is also intense, but it’s potentially an ache without a cure. Eventual relief is a hope, not a given.
Is self protection a silent treatment?
The excuse/reason of self-protection may make estrangement seem more palatable than the silent treatment. But it's still the silent treatment, and it's still punishment regardless of whether or not it contains a hope for the other person to change, or the conclusion that they will never change.
Do people who detach and go silent still give the silent treatment?
More correct would be that the person is giving the silent treatment because they are detaching. But the silent treatment is only one form of detaching.
Is estrangement a silent epidemic?
Estrangement is a silent epidemic affecting all kinds of people. The antidote, for many, is better communication. Children should never learn what the silent treatment is, or how to apply it, or what it feels like to be on the receiving end.
What does it mean to give someone the silent treatment?
By giving the silent treatment, you are inferring that you are in the right and they are in the wrong and that it is their responsibility to fix this. You give them no choice in the matter – if they do not do what you want, the silence will carry on. 2. It’s a means of punishing the other person.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
Why do people feel nervous when they close off?
The silent treatment also causes anxiety during the event. Whilst one person closes off, the other is left searching for ways to make peace, though they also don’t want to make the situation worse, so they feel nervous when they try to make amends. 4. It can be used as a threat.
Why is silent treatment considered abuse?
1. It’s a means of exerting control over the someone. In any type of relationship, both parties should feel free to act how they choose.
Why is it important to remain quiet?
In this case, remaining quiet is a way to cope with the situation and the person. Silence is a form of protection and is often the only way to calm things down following an altercation. The silent treatment is also recommended if you have escaped an abusive relationship with a narcissist or sociopath.
What does it mean when one party takes a temporary oath of silence after a disagreement?
When one party takes a temporary oath of silence after a disagreement, it is their way of telling the other person, “You did this. You are to blame. I am innocent.”
What does "if you don't fix this" mean?
It can be used as a threat. A threat is one person saying, “If you do this (or don’t do that), you will suffer the consequences.”. You can see, then, how the silent treatment can be seen as threatening someone. It says, “If you don’t fix this, you will continue to face more silence.”.
