how to get someone out of the silent treatment

If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches:

• Name the situation. ...
• Use 'I' statements. ...
• Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ...
• Apologize for words or actions. ...
• Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ...
• Avoid unhelpful responses.

Full Answer

Why are you receiving the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down. By working on the communication and striving to create an environment where you can both be open and honest about your feelings; you will strip away most of the reasons for applying the silent treatment.

How to respond to the silent treatment?

Key things to do when responding to the silent treatment and why:

1. Give the angry party some space. Before you do anything, you should give the angry party some space and time alone so that they can be with their feelings. ...
2. Rethink the situation from the other person’s point of view. ...
3. Seek the opinion of a trusted third party. ...
4. Ask to know what is wrong. ...
5. Apologize. ...

More items...

What couples should know about the silent treatment?

Some common topics that may lead to the silent treatment are:

• Finances
• Kids
• Sexual intimacy
• Who you’re spending time around
• Work (hours, expectations, other co-workers)

How to handle silent treatment abuse with dignity?

How to respond to the silent treatment

1. Present your partner or spouse with the research They need to know there’s good evidence that ignoring you is endangering the future of your relationship.
2. Write them a letter Base it on the information in my article on how to avoid constant arguments. ...
3. If it’s an abusive relationship – leave

How long should silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

How do you deal with a partner that gives you the silent treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...

How is the silent treatment manipulation?

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

Is the silent treatment immature?

At best the silent treatment isan immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulativeindividuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. One demographic of the population that particularly loves the silent treatment is the narcissist.

Is silent treatment narcissistic?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

How do you respond to stonewalling?

The person stonewalling you wants you to get emotional, and if you don't give them that pleasure, the person who is stonewalling may end up backing off from it. If someone stone walls, one response is to be diplomatic. Say you're willing to talk it out. Make it about them, or make it about you, but don't aggressive.

What is the psychology behind the silent treatment?

Some people who believe they have high self-control might use the silent treatment as a way of “taking the high road” or what they see as not succumbing to the level of communication happening with the other person. Others see it as a rational reaction to a problem or conversation, rather than an emotional one.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Someone might use the silent treatment as a way to avoid conflict or deflect responsibility. At times, people use the silent treatment as a way to punish another person. Ultimately, the person lacks the ability to communicate their feelings appropriately.

What to do when you know you've done something hurtful?

If you know you’re in the wrong, say something. This gives you a chance to connect with their feelings and let them know that you’re aware of the pain you’ve caused.

How to show care for yourself?

Make some time for activities you enjoy and are important to you. This is a great way to show care toward yourself and not let the other person’s actions get the best of you. For example, go for a bike ride, listen to music, paint, or play with your dog. Do the things that make you feel great.

How to stop a relationship that is unhealthy?

Finally, don’t get caught up in your feelings. Take care of yourself by doing things you enjoy, focusing on relaxation, or ending the relationship if it’s unhealthy. Steps.

How to deal with someone who has promised to change?

You cannot change someone. If the person has promised to change yet no progress has been made, take some steps to deal with emotional abuse on your own terms. Involve the support of other people. You may need to leave the relationship. Consider if this is a pattern or a one-time occurrence.

Is silent treatment a form of abuse?

Especially if the person uses the silent treatment often, recognize that this is a form of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse may go less detected than physical abuse, but it is still damaging and can affect your self-esteem, sense of self, and self-worth.

Is silent therapy good for a family?

Especially if the person is a family member, partner, or spouse, you may benefit in getting counseling together. Silent treatment is a form of stonewalling, and it does not lead to feelings of intimacy, trust, or happiness in a relationship.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

5 effective ways to respond to the silent treatment

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why the silent treatment needs to be banned

Professor Paul Schrodt is a leading figure in the research around why the silent treatment is bad for relationships.

Conclusion

After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?

Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

Why is silent treatment important?

for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.

How does silent treatment affect relationships?

How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.

Why do people stay silent in a conversation?

These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

What are the types of emotional abuse?

demanding access to their phone, email account, and other digital information. deciding what they wear, eat, or drink.

How does silence end?

the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.

Why is silent treatment bad?

This decreases intimacy and trust between partners, and can cause anxiety and aggressive behavior. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to the problem.

What are the emotions that come with being ignored?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness. [2]

What happens if you are ignored?

Being ignored could cause you to behave in ways you might not normally― things like questioning and second-guessing yourself and others, lashing out, or doubting yourself and situations where you normally don’t. You might start to feel like you’re bothering the other person, or being too needy.

What happens if you don't act like yourself?

Realizing you aren’t quite acting like yourself could further feelings of guilt, loss of control, and uncertainty; since these feelings initiate a sense of threat to your survival, this may heighten any fight-or-flight reaction you may have. 5. It can destroy relationships. Often the issue here is with communication.

What is easy to do is also easy not to do?

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

Is it a strategy to ignore someone?

Ignoring someone is also not a strategy, it’s just a flat out disregard for someone else’s feelings. It might be hard to read what I have to say, based on my own experiences and some research on the various effects of the silent treatment. But I’m writing this because it’s so, so important.

Is effective communication in the workplace challenging?

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What does it mean when something isn't going their way?

When something isn’t going their way, they know that their silent treatment may be the only real key to turning the tables and getting exactly what they want, after all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This all depends on the strength and maturity of their intended target. 2. The narcissist.

What to say when someone gives you the silent treatment?

What to Say When Someone Is Giving You the Silent Treatment. There are few things more alienating than being in a relationship with someone who won’t speak to you. The constant stonewalling can feel maddening; when someone gives you the silent treatment, it’s easy for your mind to run amok, racing through frantic thoughts about what you did wrong. ...

What does silent treatment do to humans?

As Joel Cooper, a psychology professor at Princeton told The Atlantic earlier this year, the silent treatment deprives human beings of one of their most basic, instinctual needs.

Why do different personality types use the silent treatment?

Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.

What does abuse end with?

Some of the hallmarks of abuse end with the victim apologizing or changing their ways just to break the wall of silence. Healthline explains: It’s a frequent occurrence and is lasting for longer periods. It’s coming from a place of punishment, not a need to cool off or regroup.

Why do people stop verbal communication?

There’s no universal reason why someone might cease all verbal communication, but an underlying facet of the silent treatment is that when it occurs , it’s more due to the silent person’s own issues than anything else. Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: ...

Who said "The silent person cannot think of any other remedy"?

And as the psychologist Andrea F. Pollard wrote in Psychology Today, it might help you to think of the silent person on compassionate terms. Advertisement. She wrote: Consider that the one who uses the silent treatment cannot think of any other remedy.

Is silent treatment a behavioral tactic?

Advertisement. If it’s done with ill intention, then the silent treatment is a genuinely abusive behavioral tactic, often employed to get someone to feel bad or change their behavior for the abuser’s benefit. Fortunately, though, the silence can be broken. There are ways to navigate this kind of passive-aggresssive behavior with targeted ...