how to get bpd spouse into treatment

• Make threats and ultimatums that you can’t carry out. As is human nature, your loved one will inevitably test the limits you set. ...
• Tolerate abusive behavior. No one should have to put up with verbal abuse or physical violence. ...
• Enable the person with BPD by protecting them from the consequences of their actions. ...

How can I help my spouse with BPD?

Education can help the spouse without BPD understand that it’s an illness, not a choice. “When the person is responding out of fear, shame, or lack of self-worth, [the spouse can understand] this is not the whole person, this is a moment in time that will pass,” Dr. Ochoa says.

Can men get BPD and it affect their spouses?

Men also get BPD and it affects their spouses. The men may experience the disorder in ways similar to women, but they deal with it differently. This post will focus on some of those differences and help their wives live with them more lovingly and more comfortably. Is your husband either great or awful depending on the hour?

Can you force someone to seek treatment for BPD?

This is why you can’t ever force someone to seek treatment. If you’re in a BPD relationship and you’re trying to get him or her to visit a therapist, it’s going to do you no good unless they want to see one as well.

How to live with a spouse with borderline personality disorder?

The challenges of living with a spouse having a borderline personality disorder Having a constant negative self-image, engaging in self-harming behavior, making risky or impulsive choices, and a plethora of mood swings or intense emotion – mix it all together and you have a perfect recipe for a tumultuous and disastrous relationship.

What can I do to help my partner with BPD?

The following 9 strategies can help you support a person with BPD:Learn about BPD. ... Show confidence and respect. ... Be trustworthy. ... Manage conflict with attachment. ... Encourage Professional Help. ... Identify strengths. ... Have fun together. ... Take suicide seriously.More items...•

How do you convince someone with borderline personality disorder?

Supporting Someone with Borderline Personality DisorderEncourage and Understand Treatment. BPD is not an easy condition to treat, but it is treatable. ... Show You Appreciate Your Loved One. ... Be Prepared for Mixed Messages. ... Be Responsive. ... Understand It's Not Their Fault.

Why do therapists refuse BPD treatment?

Fear of Patients Lashing Out. Individuals with symptoms of BPD are particularly sensitive to perceived criticism. This increases the likelihood that they will feel attacked when a therapist attempts to offer suggestions or insights. This often leads to lashing out.

Should you divorce someone with BPD?

A divorce could be one of the most invalidating experiences for someone with BPD who just wants to avoid that abandonment that they have feared for years. It's going to impact their condition. Of course, to prevent this, people dealing with BPD should make sure that they have an appropriate treatment plan in place.

What should you not say to someone with BPD?

17 things to never say to a girl with Borderline Personality...Nothing. ... "Aren't you overreacting?" ... "OMG, is that like the woman in Fatal Attraction?" ... "But you were so happy this morning – what changed?" ... "Oh, so you're bipolar?" ... "I've heard that BPD is impossible to recover from."More items...•

What triggers a person with borderline personality disorder?

These include: being a victim of emotional, physical or sexual abuse. being exposed to long-term fear or distress as a child. being neglected by 1 or both parents. growing up with another family member who had a serious mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or a drink or drug misuse problem.

Why is BPD the hardest to treat?

treatment options? Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be hard to diagnose because the symptoms of this disorder overlap with many other conditions, such as bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and even eating disorders.

When should you give up on therapy?

Common reasons for quitting therapyYou feel “done.” You feel like you have covered all the grounds that you set out to, and you feel equipped to deal with life outside the therapist/patient relationship.Your therapist doesn't feel like the right fit. ... Therapy doesn't fit into your life anymore.More items...•

Do therapists not like to treat BPD?

Many therapists share the general stigma that surrounds patients with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Some even avoid working with such patients because of the perception that they are difficult to treat.

Can a marriage survive BPD?

Borderline Personality Marriage Statistics By an average age of about 40, the divorce rate for people with BPD is around 35%, and this is comparable to the divorce rate for the average U.S. citizen. However, people with BPD are far less likely to remarry after a divorce.

Should I leave my BPD husband?

Enable the person with BPD by protecting them from the consequences of their actions. If your loved one won't respect your boundaries and continues to make you feel unsafe, then you may need to leave. It doesn't mean you don't love them, but your self-care should always take priority.

How do you live with a borderline husband?

Finding Relief if You're Facing Relationship Problems Due to Borderline Personality DisorderSeek out information. ... Get help. ... Practice healthy communication. ... Ask open-ended questions. ... Talk only when your partner is calm. ... Offer support. ... Avoid labeling or blaming. ... Take threats seriously.More items...•

What does it mean when your spouse has BP?

by Anne Brown on October 14, 2019 in Behavioral Health, Health and Wellness. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BP), whether it’s a sudden realization or a long-known fact, it can be challenging. Those in relationships with BP individuals may be subject to unique forms of manipulation or toxicity.

What to do if you have a partner who is violent?

If you have a partner who is capable of violence, you need to do whatever is necessary to keep you safe. If you have a partner who is volatile and can demonstrate intense anger, but no violence, do not be intimidated by the anger. As you start to get healthy, be prepared for the BP to get intensely angry.

What does projection mean in marriage?

The simple definition of projection is “I will see in you the negativity that is really true about me.” The BP has such intense emotions, both positive and negative, and doesn’t want to experience the negative so will look for a “container” to hold these emotions. The spouse who is trying to take care of the BP will usually unconsciously agree to become this “container”. If you hear yourself saying “but I really am a good husband/wife, I do love you, I haven’t been unfaithful” then you have taken on these negative comments which are really the way the BP feels about the BP. Most of us have these vulnerable places where we question ourselves or make ourselves wrong to keep the peace. The BP is masterful at finding and exploiting these places. (A healthy partner would help you heal these places.) Understanding how damaging Projection is, observing with rigor when it is happening to you, becoming emotionally strong enough to say to yourself: “this is not at all about me”, and having a tool to give the BP a response that is healthy and appropriate for your situation are all things the caretaker needs to learn to emotionally leave.

What does the family organize around the BP?

Unfortunately, the family begins to organize around the BP’s moods, anxiety, uncomfortable emotions, delusional thinking and erratic behavior. The family organizes a rule book to keep the BP as stable as possible but of course thinking they can do that is delusional thinking.

What does a BP feel about life?

Unfortunately, the way the BP views life produces intense anxiety for the BP. Anxiety about someone getting too close or too far away. Anxiety about feeling self-hatred, rejected, lost, alone, unloved, invisible and on and on. In a normal situation any adult feeling this way would seek out help from a professional. The BP seeks out people close to them to carry this anxiety and emotional pain. The BP wants to control every situation in order to have others feel these negative feelings for him/her.

Why does the BP want to control every situation?

The BP wants to control every situation in order to have others feel these negative feelings for him/her. Unfortunately, the caretaker is a wonderful victim. No adult is responsible for another adult’s pain. It is not our job to carry any one’s emotional pain. We are all responsible for healing our own wounds.

Can a BP rewrite history?

Since the BP has the ability to rewrite history, ignore facts, not remember or acknowledge, it is difficult to use rational thinking here. The BP doesn’t want to feel the bad feeling so will put those onto someone else. This someone else can be the spouse, child, close relative, friend, situation etc.

How to deal with a partner with BPD?

Here are some other tips for partners dealing with BPD: Seek out information. Learning as much as possible about BPD can increase empathy in a partnership. If you’re the partner affected by BPD, educating yourself about the disorder can help give an explanation for your feelings and behaviors and help ease your shame.

How to help someone with BPD?

Practice healthy communication. When you communicate, don’t say anything that could make the person with BPD feel slighted or uncared for. Actively listen and do your best to respond in a positive way. “Always do it in love as opposed to attacking or putting the person down,” Surrency says.

Why is it important to keep your partner informed about changes in mood and behavior?

Because someone with BPD can also experience other conditions, such as anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse, it’s important for both partners to keep their provider informed about changes in mood and behavior, Surrency says. More in Emotional Health.

What was Stephanie's diagnosis?

At first, Stephanie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but when she found another doctor who took the time to complete a thorough evaluation, she learned the true culprit was borderline personality disorder (BPD), which she was diagnosed with six months later.

What are the risks of BPD?

People with BPD often have risk-taking behaviors, such as overspending, drug use, reckless driving, or self-harm due to a lack of inhibition . Although these behaviors can be dangerous, and potentially life-threatening, many people with BPD are high-functioning individuals.

What is Stephanie's fear of abandonment?

For Stephanie, fear of abandonment was a familiar feeling from childhood. When she was a teenager, she says, her parents divorced, moved away, and left her and her brother on their own. With Jerome, Stephanie says those fears would also surface.

What are the challenges of having a partner diagnosed with BPD?

Borderline personality disorder ( BPD) is a mental illness that can cause affected individuals to have a negative self-image, make risky or impulsive choices, engage in self-harming behaviors, and have intense emotions and mood swings. Also, BPD, which is likely caused by ...

Treatment Starts With Acceptance

You cannot ever heal and grow until you first accept yourself and understand that you have a problem that needs to be fixed.

What If Your BPD Partner Is In Denial?

Understand that most people hate to admit they have a problem. We love to cloud our mind with the belief that we’re perfectly okay just as we are.

Self-Improvement Is Always The Goal

Do you know what therapy is really used for? A good therapist doesn’t try to help the client or fix their problem. A good therapist knows that the responsibility of improvement and healing lies 100% of the shoulders of the client.

Blaming Only Makes Things Worse

Knowing the right relationship core values is really the key to success in relationships. If you have the wrong values and mindsets, you’ll say things and do things that will drive away your partner.

Progress and Healing Is An Individual Process

If you want to be supportive of your BPD partner, understand that progress and healing takes time. It’s something that happens on an individual level.

Be Cool and Relaxed

I mention this often in my articles, but you can’t be the type of person that’s always reacting to situations in life.

Drop Your Expectations and Assumptions

Another major mistake people commonly make in BPD relationships is that they have their own expectations and assumptions about relationships in general.

What to do if your spouse has BPD?

Whether it’s your spouse, child, parent, sibling, or friend who is exhibiting symptoms of BPD, there are steps you can take to set boundaries in your relationship and improve your own quality of life , even if the person with BPD isn’t ready to acknowledge the problem. All the while, you can continue to encourage your loved one to seek professional ...

How to contact the BPD?

If you or a loved one are struggling with BPD, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

What can you do to help a loved one recover?

There are several things you can do to support your loved one's recovery, and many of them include setting your own boundaries and not enabling your loved one's abusive behavior.

What happens if you don't control your loved one?

This lack of control naturally leaves many loved ones feeling desperate and helpless— but it doesn't have to.

What to do if you don't live together?

If your loved one continues to cross boundaries or make you feel unsafe, you may need to find an alternate living arrangement or, if you don't live together, simply keep your distance from this person. Allowing their abuse to continue does much more harm than good—and not only for you but also for them.

How to protect yourself from being verbally abusive?

Here are some tips for both helping your loved one and protecting yourself: Make clear the kinds of behavior you will not tolerate, focusing on yourself. You might say, "If you can't speak calmly/stop being verbally abusive right now, I'm going to remove myself from the conversation.". Bring the entire family into the discussion about setting ...

Is Borderline personality disorder treatable?

It is quite common for people with mental health problems to be resistant to the idea of seeking out treatment. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is very treatable, yet many people with BP D deny that they have a problem or avoid getting help. 1 .

Why is it important to get treatment for borderline personality disorder?

Treatment can help you learn skills to manage and cope with your condition. It's also necessary to get treated for any other mental health disorders that often occur along with borderline personality disorder, such as depression or substance misuse.

What are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?

You may be aware that your emotions, thoughts and behaviors are self-destructive or damaging , yet you feel unable to manage them.

What is the difference between DBT and Schema Focused Therapy?

DBT uses a skills-based approach to teach you how to manage your emotions, tolerate distress and improve relationships. Schema-focused therapy. Schema-focused therapy can be done individually or in a group.

How to reduce impulsiveness?

Reduce your impulsiveness by helping you observe feelings rather than acting on them. Work on improving relationships by being aware of your feelings and those of others. Learn about borderline personality disorder. Types of psychotherapy that have been found to be effective include: Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

How to prepare for a mental health appointment?

You may start by seeing your primary care doctor. After an initial appointment, your doctor may refer you to a mental health provider, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Here's some information to help you prepare for your appointment.

What to do before a doctor appointment?

Before your appointment, make a list of: Any symptoms you or people close to you have noticed, and for how long. Key personal information, including traumatic events in your past and any current major stressors. Your medical information, including other physical or mental health conditions.

How to deal with a substance abuse problem?

Manage intense emotions by practicing coping skills, such as the use of breathing techniques and mindfulness meditation.

What does BPD mean for women?

Women with BPD tend to enjoy intimate gatherings with those they are close to—the more the merrier. They like to be the center of attention as long as nobody is competing with them for attention. Men with BPD tend to see everyone as potential competition for their partner's attention. Including their own children.

Why is DBT helpful?

DBT is helpful for this purpose. He would benefit by having better outcomes. Robin can reassure him better if he is not pushing her away with hurtful accusations. Robin can improve her ability to hear Jerry’s emotional expressions even when they are not expressed clearly.

Does BPD push away his wife?

Unfortunately, this does not have the desired effect, and instead has the opposite effect: to push away his wife when he actually wants to pull her closer. This is a feature of BPD and is responsible for a significant amount of instability in their relationships.

What does it mean to be the go to person for BPD?

But for some individuals with BPD, becoming the “go to” person may also mean that you will become the one most manipulated and controlled.

What is the language used to describe someone with BPD?

The language used to describe individuals with BPD can come across to sufferers as cold, detached, and uncaring. But the language is often reflective of individuals who have been hurt, manipulated, or controlled by someone with BPD.

What happens when you have co-dependence?

When co-dependence develops, the individual with BPD may control and manipulate or feel vulnerable if the relationship does not work out. If you begin to feel “suffocated” or responsible for how they ultimately feel, clarify the boundaries of the relationship and then empathize with them.

What does it mean when someone has co-dependency?

Co-dependency may come across to others as “sweet,” “romantic,” or even “charming” until the truth comes out. In families, co-dependency can come across as “closeness” or “supportive.”. When co-dependence develops, the individual with BPD may control and manipulate or feel vulnerable if the relationship does not work out.

Does normalizing sexual promiscuity make things worse?

Normalize sexual promiscuity or risky behaviors: Normalization of risky or inappropriate behaviors will only make things worse. Some individuals with BPD tend to push limits, engage in risky behaviors, or seek stimulation in ways that are unhealthy.

Is it difficult to understand BPD?

For those unofficially diagnosed with BPD, intelligence, success, and independence can make it difficult for others to understand how individuals with BPD can go from mature and stable to unreasonable and self-injurious . This is frightening for those who lack knowledge about BPD.

Can you snap out of BPD?

Believe they are capable of “snapping out of it”: Individuals diagnosed with BPD are not able to just “snap out of it.”. They are being influenced by a variety of genetic, environmental, and social components that are also altered or influenced by personality, thought patterns, and/or learned behavior.