When angry, people sometimes offer “the silent treatment.” An angry mother-in-law offers it to their daughter-in-law, friends offer it to friends after a disagreement, and spouses sometimes use it against their spouse. But many ask the question, “Does it work?” The silent treatment should not be confused with taking a time out.
Full Answer
What is the silent treatment in a marriage?
When you sulk or pout and refuse to talk about a problem, accept an apology, or help make a decision, not only are you shutting your spouse out, you are being cruel. Like saying "I don't care" or "whatever" or rolling your eyes or smirking, using the silent treatment is a cop out.
Did your mother use the silent treatment as a punishment?
My mother used silent treatment as a punishment when I was a child and teenager if I didn't submit to her will. Once, she didn't speak to me for nearly a month as punishment for having an eating disorder. I think she was ashamed, overwhelmed and hoped it and I would just disappear.
How to deal with a difficult mother-in-law in a marriage?
Even if your mother-in-law tries to involve your husband, you must keep your cool and advise your husband to stay out of it. Your mother-in-law and you are mature enough to deal with the issues on your own. Else, he will listen to his mother and keep you away.
Is the other person still giving the silent treatment?
The other person is still giving the silent treatment randomly. I’m praying for them to receive the healing they need to have good relationships. As with most people like this they are having issues in many other relationships as well.
What kind of person uses the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
How do you respond to silent treatment in marriage?
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...
What is the psychology behind the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.
What silence does to a marriage?
In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.
Why the silent treatment is toxic?
Using the silent treatment is an unproductive way of communicating within a relationship. It can sometimes be a form of self-protection, but at other times, it indicates emotional abuse. People who regularly use or experience the silent treatment should take steps to address it.
How damaging is the silent treatment?
Here's why the silent treatment can be damaging: It can cause emotional trauma. A person who is ignored feels a wide range of confusing emotions. They may feel anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, despair, and loneliness, all at once.
Is silent treatment a red flag?
The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.
Is ignoring a form of emotional abuse?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
Is the silent treatment a form of Gaslighting?
The silent treatment or angry rages (or alternating between the two) are the main ways gaslighters use to punish their victims and regain control over them, Sarkis says.
What silence does to a man?
Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.
What is silent treatment narcissist?
What Is Silent Treatment? The silent treatment can be defined as the following: a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval, and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.
Why do people use silent treatment in marriage?
Some people use the silent treatment in marriage to deal with problems. They use it to cut the argument short or as leverage. To figure out the mechanics behind silent treatment in marriage and how to react to it, let us first understand the motivations behind it.
What is silent treatment abuse?
It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. It is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm.
How to win against silent treatment?
Do something constructive such as going about your day. If you are thinking about how to win against the silent treatment, the best way is to give your partner space while preventing them from thinking that their psychological attack is working. Silent treatment emotional abuse is a form of attack.
What are the psychological effects of silent treatment?
It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, paranoia, dependency, loss, and loneliness. It could potentially lead to anxiety and clinical depression. Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children.
What is the marriage.com course?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Is silence fair in marriage?
Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, don’t do more or less than what you would usually do.
Can you cool down with your partner?
However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you. Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship.
Why does my husband give me the silent treatment?
In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse.
Why does silent treatment go on for hours?
Because the silent treatment in marriage often goes on for hours and possibly even days, it’s most likely not being used by your husband or wife as a way to calm themselves. It is a deeper problem than that.
What happens if you don't communicate in your marriage?
Often, a lack of healthy communication skills in marriage can lead to couples saying and doing things that can be damaging to their marriage. Unresolved conflict can build up over time and can lead to more anger, frustration, and resentment which can dissolve your connection.
Why is it important to talk to your wife?
It’s important to talk to your wife when you’re both calm to develop some strategies to help you resolve conflict in a more productive manner. If the two of you can successfully resolve a few problems together, it’s likely your wife will gain confidence in your ability to work together as a couple.
Can the silent treatment hurt a marriage?
A lot of people use the silent treatment in marriage. However, this technique can actually be quite damaging to your relationship. If you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment, no doubt you’re looking for how to put an end to it.
What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?
Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.
What is silent treatment?
Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.
Why is silent treatment important?
for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.
How does silent treatment affect relationships?
How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.
Why do people stay silent in a conversation?
These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
How does silence end?
the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.
How to deal with a person who is abusive?
Avoid becoming defensive or going into problem-solving mode. Try to stay present and listen empathically. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.
How to deal with your mother in law?
What do you do if your mother in law insults you? 1 Analyze Her Insult: See if she is talking the truth or just saying this to make you feel bad. 2 Maintain Morality: Do not jump at her and start the catfight; if she is telling the truth, just talk to her and let her know that you appreciate her pointing this out, but it could’ve been said politely. 3 Defend Yourself: If she is just trying to insult you and not correct you, then you should defend yourself and tell her why you are doing what you are doing. 4 Cautiously Vent Out: Tell your spouse about the insults his mother made but don’t be excessively angry because that’s his mother you are venting about. 5 Let it Go: Now that all is said and done, if your husband is supportive, and you feel relaxed after venting things out to him, just try to let go of the things your mother in law says, that’s the best you can do.
Why is my mother in law manipulative?
The first one is that you do not keep your problems in your bedroom . Your fights or arguments somehow reach your mother in law either through your husband or kids. And that’s why she starts to put her nose in your issues.
When is Mother in Law 2020?
September 26, 2020. May 20, 2020 by Alicia. Having an emotionally manipulative mother in law can be quite tough to live with, which is why we will help you out. With our guide to dealing with overbearing mother in law, you will learn the strategies to deal with her and also how to respond to her insults. There are a lot more things you will learn ...
Is mother in law poisonous?
There is some genuinely poisonous mother in law, and there are some that just cannot get over the feeling of letting her child get away from her and into the arms of her wife. So they either intentionally or unintentionally start causing problems. The second reason can be their already present overpowering nature.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control; (2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion; (3) avoid conflict resolution/personal responsibility/compromise; or (4) punish the target for a perceived ego slight.
How to get rid of silent abuse?
Mystery. That could be the answer to your questions. I’m not sure the abuser has a good reason to use the silent treatment. Get to know yourself. Have a healthy self esteem. Continue to have love and compassion. Don’t let people change you.
What is the difference between "no contact" and "silent treatment"?
Also, there is a difference between No Contact and the Silent Treatment…the latter is an emotional abuse tactic employed by an abuser. No Contact is a strategy of healing survivors can utilize to heal and move forward in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse.
How long does silent treatment last?
Silent treatment is a form o f abuse. Being married to my husband for 8 years now and every 4 or 6 months he engages in one. That will last for almost 2 months. Yes I said 2 months.
What to say when someone is not with you?
No can be trusted with out a reason. Words are weapons use them wisely. Think three times before you speak. Say something in your head. Then speak it. Always make it sound good. ‘ My father died’ or ” my dad passed away.” Body functions are always a bad topic . And remember your time is important don’t waste it on deaf ears.
Can a parent use silent treatment on a child?
Yes it is. A parent should never use the silent treatment on a child. The damage is immense. I hope that if you’re doing this you will seek parenting support to find more positive ways of dealing with difficulties
Is silent treatment a narc?
The silent treatment is only abuse if the “victim” is still emotionally attached to the narc. Once a person detaches and is on a healthier path the silence is peaceful. And sane.
What to say when your partner uses silent treatment?
Anytime your partner uses the silent treatment, say that word or phrase. It can help dispel some tension and nip the issue in the bud. Of course, all of this is easier when you can both communicate without accusing and judging. So work on this if you need to.
Why is silent treatment so bad?
Why the Silent Treatment Is So Harmful. The silent treatment is a harsh tactic. When you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you may feel powerless, disrespected, invisible, frustrated, or angry — or you may cycle through all of these emotions.
How to handle a mother in law?
Here are the 15 ways in which you can handle your manipulative and hurtful mother-in-law. 1. Make an effort to understand her. This is the first step that you must take in order to salvage your relationship with your mother-in-law as well as your husband.
How to deal with a manipulative mother in law?
15 Ways To Deal With A Manipulative Mother-In-Law. You cannot become a puppet in the hands of your manipulative and controlling mother-in-law. You cannot allow her to dictate your married life. You have to build up the courage to deal with her twisted ways, stand up for yourself and protect your married life.
What are the challenges of marriage?
Marriage brings about many changes and challenges for a woman. One of the bigger challenges is building a loving and cooperative relationship with the mother-in-law. Yes, you read that right – while it is easy to have a peaceful and cordial relationship with a generous and loving MIL, but if unfortunately, you get stuck with a scheming, manipulative woman, you will have to plan your interaction with her with a lot of caution and smarts. In fact not just with her but even with people around her, including your husband, especially in matters concerning her and you. We are here to help you identify the signs of a manipulative mother-in-law and fix the gaps for a peaceful co-existence.
How to build a good relationship with your mother in law?
This step will help you build a good and cooperative relationship with your mother-in-law. By asking for her valuable advice and taking decisions according to it , you will show her the importance she has in your life. She many more years and there must be things you can learn from her. Take the opportunity. Sangita wrote to us about how her mother-in-law was great with home remedies and that became the platform on which they bonded. Sangita also became quote sought after in her own circle for her home remedies tactics!
How to deal with a mother in law who is negative?
Remember a mother-in-law who is negative towards you can make your life hell, even when she is not in the same house, make your life goal to work on your relationship with her. 2. Reassure her as much as possible.
What to do when your mother in law starts to intimidate you?
If things fail to work out and you both move from having a normal conversation to a proper fight, then you have to take a step back. Feign a phone call or some work and leave the space. This will allow the situation to be defused.
Why is my mother controlling?
Common reasons behind the controlling attitude of the mother-in-law are: A mother-in-law generally becomes controlling and cunning when she feels that she is being replaced as the primary woman in her son’s life. This happens when the son marries and the daughter-in-law comes into his life.
Is Your Spouse Giving You The Silent Treatment?
Reasons That Your Husband/Wife Is Giving You The Silent Treatment in Marriage
- In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse. Instead of trying to resolve a problem, the silent treatment may be employed as a way to try and get the other person to give in or to avoid the problem altogether. Sometimes spouses use the silent treatment in marriage as a means t...
Alternatives to Giving (or Getting!) The Silent Treatment in Marriage
- It’s important to talk to your wife when you’re both calm to develop some strategies to help you resolve conflict in a more productive manner. If the two of you can successfully resolve a few problems together, it’s likely your wife will gain confidence in your ability to work together as a couple. More inspiration on how to cope with silent treatment in marriage: 1. Stopping emotiona…
Unresolved Conflict
- Unresolved conflict is one of the most common reasons people seek help for their marriage. Often, a lack of healthy communication skills in marriagecan lead to couples saying and doing things that can be damaging to their marriage. Unresolved conflict can build up over time and can lead to more anger, frustration, and resentment which can dissolve your connection.