Treatment FAQ

why the silent treatment is toxic

by Wilton Wisozk Published 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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Silent treatment is different for a few reasons. The toxic parent doesn’t tell you that’s what they are doing, they just disappear. They are choosing not to communicate with you entirely, which means they have no intention of cooling off for a short period of time and they show no desire to continue to talk later or resolve the issue.

Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation. When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.Jun 1, 2020

Full Answer

What are the effects of Silent Treatment?

Mar 10, 2021 · The silent treatment could be a learned behavior (perhaps a parent used it and they know no other way) or simply a tactic that they know works. Regardless, the silent treatment is a petty, passive ...

Is the silent treatment a form of abuse?

When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is …

Why do narcissists use the silent treatment?

The Silent Treatment is Physically Painful. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding a person activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. The silent treatment, even if it's brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex — the part of the brain that detects physical pain.

Why are you receiving the silent treatment?

Mar 30, 2022 · The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks, or even months to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause severe emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. What is the goal of silent treatment?

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Why the silent treatment is unhealthy?

Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."Aug 3, 2014

What does silent treatment do to a person?

The silent treatment can also be part of a broader pattern of control or emotional abuse. When it's used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected or excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.Apr 30, 2019

Is silence a form of emotional abuse?

Punishment: If a person uses silence to punish someone or to exert control or power over them, this is a form of emotional abuse.Jun 8, 2020

Is it toxic to ignore someone?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness.Mar 3, 2022

Why is silence the best revenge?

Silence speaks volumes Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.Sep 9, 2019

How do you win the silent treatment?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.Apr 26, 2021

Is giving the silent treatment immature?

At best the silent treatment isan immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulativeindividuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims.Jul 11, 2016

How do you deal with the silent treatment of a narcissist?

Not only is it emotionally exhausting, but it makes you feel like you’re completely worthless, and it can make you feel like you’re losing your mind! So what are you supposed to do when you’re the victim of the silent treatment?

Why Do Narcissists Give You the Silent Treatment?

It’s critical to recognize that while many people have times when they need to retreat to think about things, someone who cares about you will never use this abusive tactic to punish you. The silent treatment isn’t a tactic that a healthy person would use to manipulate you.

The Psychology of the Silent Treatment

In general, silent treatment can be intentional or accidental. However, sometimes it is used as a form of social control. At other times, it may indicate that the person has no respect for your value as a person and regards you as less than human. Regardless of its intent, using silent treatment toward others can have devastating consequences.

When the Silent Treatment Ends: Beware the Hoover

One last tip: when the narcissist decides the silent treatment is over, and they need your narcissistic supply again, they will do anything in their power to “suck you back in,” a move we call “the hoover maneuver .” Don’t fall for it – it’s not going to get better, and they’re not really planning to change.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control another person’s behavior with silence. It involves. refusing to speak with someone. blocking their phone number. blocking them on social media. ignoring them in person. avoiding any interaction with them.

Why do people have difficulty communicating?

Individuals who have difficulty communicating because their emotional maturity has been stunted learn to give people the silent treatment as a form of punishment. These people usually operate from their ego, meaning that they believe in their rightness and are standing firm in their opinion, belief and/or experience. — Shirin Peykar, M.A. LMFT.

Why is silent treatment bad?

This decreases intimacy and trust between partners, and can cause anxiety and aggressive behavior. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to the problem.

What happens if you don't act like yourself?

Realizing you aren’t quite acting like yourself could further feelings of guilt, loss of control, and uncertainty; since these feelings initiate a sense of threat to your survival, this may heighten any fight-or-flight reaction you may have. 5. It can destroy relationships. Often the issue here is with communication.

What questions should I ask after a speech?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech: 1 How did I do? 2 Are there any areas for improvement? 3 Did I sound or look stressed? 4 Did I stumble on my words? Why? 5 Was I saying “um” too often? 6 How was the flow of the speech?

What are the emotions that come with being ignored?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness. [2]

Is effective communication in the workplace challenging?

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

Why is it important to prepare yourself before a big show?

Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready. “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.”.

What part of the brain is responsible for pain?

There’s a part of our brains specifically designed to detect different levels of pain. It’s called the anterior cingulate cortex, and it activates when someone receives the silent treatment.

What is silent treatment?

Silent treatment is a flat-out refusal to ever discuss the issue —now or later. In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. When this happens, the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Research. Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1  In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

How to get rid of a cold shoulder?

Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time. Refuse to talk, make eye contact, answer calls, or respond to texts. Fall back on the silent treatment when things don't go their way. Use it as a way to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior. Punish you with the silent treatment when you upset them.

What to do if your partner is silent?

If your partner is unwilling to change, you may want to consider your options including breaking off the relationship at some point.

How to use silence?

Use silence as a passive-aggressive way to control your behavior (e.g., you give in to demands or you avoid certain behaviors to avoid the silent treatment) Silence you when you attempt to assert yourself by refusing to talk. Use it as the primary means of dealing with conflict.

Is it good to be silent?

Sometimes remaining silent can be a positive thing, especially if it keeps people from saying things they might later regret. Other times, silence is an unhealthy reaction to something upsetting, but, with time, the silence subsides and the couple is able to work out some sort of resolution.

Is it acceptable to be silent in a relationship?

There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple, or even just one partner, may take a thoughtful timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. What distinguishes this silence from the silent treatment is that the timeout is mindful and there is an assumption or agreement that they will revisit the topic again later.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People use the silent treatment for a number of reasons. These include: 1 Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. 2 Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset. 3 Punishment: If a person uses silence to punish someone or to exert control or power over them, this is a form of emotional abuse.

Why do people use silence?

they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty. they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior.

How to deal with a person who is abusive?

Avoid becoming defensive or going into problem-solving mode. Try to stay present and listen empathically. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.

What are the types of emotional abuse?

demanding access to their phone, email account, and other digital information. deciding what they wear, eat, or drink.

How to help someone with domestic violence?

talk privately with a trusted professional, such as a counselor or domestic violence advocate, who can discuss the person’s options in a safe space. seek advice and support from a domestic abuse organization, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love is Respect.

What is the meaning of "controlling"?

controlling all their finances and spending. controlling whether or not they go to work or school. humiliating them in front of others or on social media. using intimidating behavior, threatening them, or giving them ultimatums. threatening to harm themselves, pets, or loved ones. gaslighting them.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.

Why do people go silent?

But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

How to deal with emotional abuse?

Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.

Is silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?

Recognizing other types of emotional abuse. The silent treatment doesn’t always relate to emotional abuse. Some people lack effective communication skills or need to retreat into themselves to work things out. To emotional abusers, though, the silent treatment is a weapon of control.

Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?

While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.

Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?

The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.

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