Treatment FAQ

why narcissists use the silent treatment

by Prof. Devon Stokes Published 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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The Purpose of the Silent Treatment
Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants.
Mar 12, 2020

Full Answer

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

When you start to give the silent treatment to the narcissist, the narcissist immediately finds it offending and hurting. As narcissists can’t tolerate being ignored, the act of silent treatment strikes the narcissist much harder than the normal people.

How to shut down the narcissist during the silent treatment?

Shut down the narcissist’s silent treatment by getting some perspective.

  • Take some breaths and look at the situation from a bit of a distance.
  • See that this is THEIR pattern and a way for the narcissist to never have to take accountability or resolve any issue in the relationship.
  • Your need for connection, resolve and care will not be met by engaging with the silent treatment.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you?

What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you is that you get to spend time with friends and family. You are now able to create a stronger connection with people you love. It makes you feel warm and fulfilled. You’ll never look back at your old relationship again. 6. You Turn into a Stronger Person

How to get a narcissist back after narcissist discard phase?

So what you need to do to win them back is:

  • Crawl on your knees like an animal (make sure your nose is to the ground; that shows FULL submission) when you go back to them apologizing for something you didn’t ...
  • Sing praises of the narcissist worthiness (even if your narcissist is an old bald hag, male or female). ...
  • Say yes to everything they demand…um, I mean, ask. ...
  • Stop thinking for yourself. ...

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How do you deal with a narcissist silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.

What happens when you go silent on a narcissist?

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

Does the silent treatment work on a narcissist?

For those in or getting out of a romantic relationship with a self-absorbed individual, the silent treatment can feel like a punishment worse than death. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

How does the silent treatment affect a narcissist?

7:5812:35Narcissists and the Silent Treatment - YouTubeYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipAnd it can feel very passive aggressive. The victimhood driven silent treatment is something we farMoreAnd it can feel very passive aggressive. The victimhood driven silent treatment is something we far more often see in a covert narcissistic pattern but the silent treatment is a part of every

How do you react when a narcissist ignores you?

6:509:30When the Narcissist Ignores You, Do This #gamesnarcissistsplayYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipIt's only going to encourage them to do it again. So just don't do that. Okay you know like i saidMoreIt's only going to encourage them to do it again. So just don't do that. Okay you know like i said don't obsess.

How does a narcissist feel when you go no contact while they are doing the same to you?

They can be moody, angry and irritable A narcissist struggles with no in-person contact because they utilize body language to communicate, get their needs met, and maintain control. They have low self-esteem, and without validation, they can come become moody, angry, and irritable.

How do you respond to silent treatment?

How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.

What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?

Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.

How do you know if a narcissist is finished with you?

How to Know if a Narcissist Is Finished with You They show no emotion. They criticize you constantly. They blame you for everything. They're always irritated or angry. They pick fights over trivial things. They take advantage of you. They withhold physical affection. They accuse you of cheating.More items...•

Why do narcissists cut you off?

The details are vague, all they remember is that they want you to suffer. And that is exactly what they imagine is happening in their absence. They get more narcissistic supplies for their shaky self-esteem by cutting you off totally, than they ever get in a real relationship.

Why would a narcissist ignore you?

Put simply, they ignore you to regain control. The narcissist uses ignoring you as a way to punish for some wrongdoing you committed. They don't feel the need to tell you what the wrongdoing was, they just jump into ignoring you as quick as possible to protect themselves from further narcissistic injury.

How do you make a narcissist miserable?

14 Ways to Make a Narcissist Miserable:Lack of Attention.Doing something they don't like.Losing.Logic and Facts.Boundaries.Critical Thinking.Spontaneous Behavior.Someone else's Success.More items...•

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

A common reason is that they could try to punish you because you have hurt their ego, you had slight criticism, or you simply didn’t do what they expected or wanted you to do. The silent treatment could also be a response to you setting a healthy boundary or saying ‘no’ to something. Another reason to use it is to have control. Their aim can be to make you feel powerless and to control your behaviour.

What is the silent treatment used by narcissists?

A very common form of manipulation used by narcissists is the silent treatment. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. It’s passive-aggressive and it can be very frustrating and result in a lot of stress and anxiety.

What is the difference between silent treatment and narcissistic treatment?

The difference with a narcissist using the silent treatment is that a narcissist will not be able to speak about it afterwards, they will not take any responsibility, or admit they were hurt and used the silent treatment because of that.

What does it mean when someone uses silent treatment?

Now, using the silent treatment doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist or a toxic person . It can also be a sign of someone emotionally immature. A normal person, however, will let you know if they need some time to gather thoughts and tell you they will get back to you.

What happens when you are victim of silent treatment?

When victim of the silent treatment, you’re stuck in a game of manipulation instead of having healthy and normal communication. It’s very unhealthy behaviour and when used by narcissists it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Why do we use silent treatment?

Another important reason to use the silent treatment is avoiding responsibility. It could be a response to you wanting to speak about their behaviour or your relationship. Silent treatment basically is avoidance. It’s avoiding responsibility, blame, and projecting upon others by playing the victim.

Why is it important to shift your attention from a narcissist to yourself?

It’s thus very important to shift the attention from the narcissist to yourself again. Your energy will be drained, when your focus is on a narcissist.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

In a relationship with the narcissist, you are their partner aren’t considered as a person with your own will and needs- you are an extension of the narcissist. Due to this , it’s their way or the highway, and they will do whatever it takes to get what they want.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse that serves many purposes for the narcissist, and here are the 7 major reasons they use it as their preferred weapon against the people they love most.

What is a narcissist's sense of self?

Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self, a lack of empathy, and tumultuous interpersonal relationships. For those who enter a relationship with a narcissist, the behavior of the narcissist can seem downright abusive.

What is stonewalling in a relationship?

Stonewalling is a tool narcissists use to shut down the lines of communication. If they don’t like what you are saying to them- they will completely shut down and refuse to speak to you. Not only is this frustrating and hurtful- but it can also harm you and the relationship.

What happens when a narcissist feels like they have no power?

When a narcissist feels like they have no power- or as though they have the upper hand, they are likely to resort to the silent treatment. This turns the power dynamic upside down, and in their mind gives them the upper hand.

What happens if you don't give a narcissist what they want?

When you don’t give the narcissist what they want- they will resort to manipulation. In their mind, the longer you have without them, the easier it will be for you to give up and give them their way.

What do narcissists want?

Narcissists want you to feel as though you aren’t worthy of them. They want you to chase them, and if they have to ignore you to make you see that- they most definitely will.

What is the silent treatment for narcissism?

According to Cikanavicius, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control.

Why do people enduring silent treatment?

It Helps Them Avoid Compromise. Cikanavicius also says that enduring the silent treatment from someone makes you want to avoid all future conflicts with them. It makes you lower your boundaries and shows them that they do not have to compromise anything to get your attention.

How to stop someone from being angry?

respond in anger, which can just escalate things. beg or plead, which only encourages the behavior. apologize just to put an end to it, even though you did nothing wrong. continue to try reasoning with the other person after you’ve already given it a shot.

Is the silent treatment fun?

July 13, 2020. Having to endure the silent treatment isn’t fun for anyone. It makes you feel invisible, unworthy, and maybe a little bit sad or angry. Nothing but negative feelings arise from using the silent treatment.

Do narcissists like to be in control?

When you have problems with a self-centered person, it’s no surprise that they like to be in control . Social Worker and Psychotherapist Andrea Schneider says that narcissists will often demand that you apologize for your actions before they’ll speak to you again. “Because no further communication can ensue unless and until the narcissistic person decides to give the target another chance, a false sense of control is nurtured,” Schneider says.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where someone will stop talking to you. This painful, uncomfortable silence can go on for days, hours, weeks, or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. While people who aren’t narcissists may also use this tactic, it is commonly used among narcissists.

How do narcissists gaslight?

Narcissists are known manipulators, and one of their most notorious tactics is to gaslight you through confusion emotional manipulation, and abuse. The silent treatment is the perfect vehicle to accomplish this, and this is especially true of covert narcissists – although their more grandiose counterparts are also skilled at this particular tactic. You know that narcissists enjoy manipulating and gaslighting you. The narcissist loves the idea of you lying awake all night wondering why they are giving you the silent treatment. It actually offers them a certain amount of supply in itself.

What does it mean when a narcissist throws you into limbo?

With a sudden change in behavior, the narcissist can throw you into limbo, that feeling where you’re lost and not sure what to do or what’s next. For example, when they go from being overly demanding to not saying anything at all, you might be left spinning. They love the idea of you being distracted all day, unable to focus on anything except for what they could be possibly thinking.

Do narcissists have power?

Narcissists thrive on power, as you know . They envision you waiting by your phone waiting for a text, or even for an email. The fact that they will not send you a message or speak to you makes them feel powerful as they control your emotions and productivity.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

For narcissists, they use the silent treatment as a form of manipulation. They’ll refuse to communicate for days, weeks, or even months. However, at no time will they explain their actions because the goal is to get you to apologize first and offer subservience to get back into their good graces. Reading Suggestions:

What is the silent treatment for a narcissist?

The Painful Narcissist Silent Treatment is a Form of Abuse. Narcissists have a completely different playbook though. They use the Narcissist silent treatment, sometimes with no end in sight. Narcissists have a completely different playbook though. They use the Narcissist silent treatment, sometimes with no end in sight.

Why do narcissists go silent?

The Narcissist and Emotional Abuse. As such, narcissistic injuryand going silent go hand in hand; when the narcissist’s ego is threatened by criticism, they will go silent until the person that criticized them shows contrition and goes back to boost their ego.

What does a narcissist communicate about?

The narcissist might communicate about basic necessities: finances, issues related to child rearing, or what to buy at the grocery store, but there’s no emotion connected to their words.

What happens when a narcissist is silent?

When the narcissist engages in the silent treatment, that all gets turned on its head and the victim feels like they are 100% responsible for the narcissist’s sadness or anger. Additionally, humans naturally want to feel loved and “seen”by their partner.

What does it mean when a narcissist goes quiet?

When a narcissist goes quiet, their partner questions what they might have done to cause offense. More often than not it’s that something shattered the narcissist’s grandiose visionof themselves.

How do narcissists fall back on their ego?

They’ll almost immediately fall back on ego-defense mechanisms, perhaps by lashing out and manipulating your mutual friends, painting you as the aggressor. You’ll be equally disappointed if you’re looking for an apology as narcissists rarely admit guilt or show remorse (and mean it).

What does silent treatment do to a narcissist?

The silent treatment gives them back a way to take control back and create change. They now can rework the interaction in their favor and punish their partner. That makes their partner crave validation and fight for that instead. the narcissist has no actual desire to form a connection, they simply want to have their wants met. The silent treatment forces their partner to do that.

What happens when you get silent treatment?

All a sudden when you're on the receiving end of the silent treatment, your mind becomes locked in a battle to win them back. This is a person that supposedly loves and cares about you and when they start to withhold it, they threaten to take away your ability to be loved forever, or at least try to convince you that's the case.

What is stonewalling in narcissism?

Are you familiar with the term "stonewalling"? It's a tool that narcissists use to punish someone who didn't act exactly like they wanted them to.

What does it mean when a narcissist takes the spotlight away from you?

In a way, the narcissist is taking the spotlight away from you and shining it on themselves. They want to appear like the center of your life so that you're too afraid to lose them. Instead, they manipulate you into obsessing over what you can do to earn them back.

How does silence treatment work?

It starts to break you gradually by making you feel angry, lost, confused, desperate, insignificant, and invisible all at the same time.

Do narcissists take accountability?

Narcissists will avoid taking accountability at all costs. It's a huge hit to their ego to admit that they were ever wrong and they simply can't bear it. Instead, they'll find a way to absolve themselves from any blame. They do this by shifting the attention away from themselves and placing it on someone else.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control; (2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion; (3) avoid conflict resolution/personal responsibility/compromise; or (4) punish the target for a perceived ego slight.

How to get rid of silent abuse?

Mystery. That could be the answer to your questions. I’m not sure the abuser has a good reason to use the silent treatment. Get to know yourself. Have a healthy self esteem. Continue to have love and compassion. Don’t let people change you.

What is the emotional maturity of a typical narcissistic person?

The emotional maturity of a typical narcissistic person is akin to a 5-year-old child who pouts and refuses to play with a friend in the sandbox because the friend wants to share the pail and shovel. The 5-year-old refuses to talk with the friend and angrily storms off to play on the jungle gym with someone else.

What is the worst thing about narcissists?

Worst thing about Narcissists is their incredible double standards and hypocrisy yet we keep on giving them the benefit of the doubt because our feelings are begging for forgiveness when all the time they are just taking advantage of our better nature.

What is the difference between "no contact" and "silent treatment"?

Also, there is a difference between No Contact and the Silent Treatment…the latter is an emotional abuse tactic employed by an abuser. No Contact is a strategy of healing survivors can utilize to heal and move forward in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse.

How long does silent treatment last?

Silent treatment is a form o f abuse. Being married to my husband for 8 years now and every 4 or 6 months he engages in one. That will last for almost 2 months. Yes I said 2 months.

What to say when someone is not with you?

No can be trusted with out a reason. Words are weapons use them wisely. Think three times before you speak. Say something in your head. Then speak it. Always make it sound good. ‘ My father died’ or ” my dad passed away.” Body functions are always a bad topic . And remember your time is important don’t waste it on deaf ears.

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