Treatment FAQ

why does the narcissist use the silent treatment

by Dr. Antonetta Feil Published 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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Narcissistic silent treatment is one such tactic that is very often used by a narcissistic person in order to punish and show superiority over the other person. It is made very clear that there won’t be any conversation unless and until the others person (at the receiving end) subscribes to their thoughts and ideas.

Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants.Mar 12, 2020

Full Answer

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

When you start to give the silent treatment to the narcissist, the narcissist immediately finds it offending and hurting. As narcissists can’t tolerate being ignored, the act of silent treatment strikes the narcissist much harder than the normal people.

How to shut down the narcissist during the silent treatment?

Shut down the narcissist’s silent treatment by getting some perspective.

  • Take some breaths and look at the situation from a bit of a distance.
  • See that this is THEIR pattern and a way for the narcissist to never have to take accountability or resolve any issue in the relationship.
  • Your need for connection, resolve and care will not be met by engaging with the silent treatment.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you?

What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you is that you get to spend time with friends and family. You are now able to create a stronger connection with people you love. It makes you feel warm and fulfilled. You’ll never look back at your old relationship again. 6. You Turn into a Stronger Person

How to get a narcissist back after narcissist discard phase?

So what you need to do to win them back is:

  • Crawl on your knees like an animal (make sure your nose is to the ground; that shows FULL submission) when you go back to them apologizing for something you didn’t ...
  • Sing praises of the narcissist worthiness (even if your narcissist is an old bald hag, male or female). ...
  • Say yes to everything they demand…um, I mean, ask. ...
  • Stop thinking for yourself. ...

More items...

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What do you do when a narcissist uses the silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.

What happens when you go silent on a narcissist?

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

How does the silent treatment affect a narcissist?

The silent treatment is a powerful way to create change. When used by narcissists, it is a way to control the interaction and punish the partner. As social creatures, we like connection and to be liked. Non-narcissists can consider the feelings of others and don't want someone else to be upset or hurt.

How do you react when a narcissist ignores you?

6:509:30When the Narcissist Ignores You, Do This #gamesnarcissistsplayYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipIt's only going to encourage them to do it again. So just don't do that. Okay you know like i saidMoreIt's only going to encourage them to do it again. So just don't do that. Okay you know like i said don't obsess.

How do you respond to silent treatment?

How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.

How does a narcissist feel when you go no contact while they are doing the same to you?

They can be moody, angry and irritable A narcissist struggles with no in-person contact because they utilize body language to communicate, get their needs met, and maintain control. They have low self-esteem, and without validation, they can come become moody, angry, and irritable.

What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?

Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.

What does a narcissist do at the end of a relationship?

At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.

How long should silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

How do you know if a narcissist is finished with you?

6 days agoHow to Know if a Narcissist Is Finished with You They show no emotion. They criticize you constantly. They blame you for everything. They're always irritated or angry. They pick fights over trivial things. They take advantage of you. They withhold physical affection. They accuse you of cheating.More items...•

How do you make a narcissist miserable?

14 Ways to Make a Narcissist Miserable:Lack of Attention.Doing something they don't like.Losing.Logic and Facts.Boundaries.Critical Thinking.Spontaneous Behavior.Someone else's Success.More items...•

How do you get a narcissist to talk to you again?

If you give the narcissist a sense that you find him or her special, you will find an attentive listener.Silence is the key.Less talk.Keep your interaction short.Keep your words to an absolute minimum.Don't encourage their bragging.Don't give them special treatment.Avoid arguments.More items...•

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can be defined as the following: a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval, and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence. Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort ...

Why is silent treatment harmful?

The silent treatment, while sometimes seemingly harmless when talking about it, can be a highly damaging and effective form of manipulation, coercion, and control used by toxic people. It is common, even though many victims feel alone and like they cant talk about it because no one will believe them or understand.

What is the difference between silent treatment and time out?

The silent treatment, on the other hand, is destructive, indefinite, contemptuous, unilateral, and meant to alleviate the abusers sense of responsibility and allocate all the blame onto the victim. It is a manipulation tactic.

What is it called when you interact with a narcissist?

If you have ever interacted with a person who exhibits strong narcissistic or other dark personality traits, you have likely experienced what is known as the silent treatment .

Why do people take time out?

Instead, a time-out just allows people to gather their thoughts and calm their emotions so that they can re-approach one another in a loving and healthy manner at a later time. The time-out is meant to cause clarity and calmness, while the silent treatment results in ambiguity, confusion, and distress.

What is an example of a child doing something the parent disapproves of?

A child does something the parent disapproves of, often a very minor thing, and the parent starts ignoring them as punishment. It can involve withdrawing attention, ignoring the childs needs, stopping verbal communication, avoiding eye contact, or avoiding any engagement with the child.

Does Psych Central review?

Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com.

2. They want to make you look crazy

An emotionally stable person will want to resolve conflict and understand what they have done wrong. Because of that, when you are given the silent treatment, it’s only natural that you will reach out “Are you okay? What can I do to make this better?” After no response, you may message again and again.

3. To manipulate you

When you don’t give the narcissist what they want- they will resort to manipulation. In their mind, the longer you have without them, the easier it will be for you to give up and give them their way.

4. It gives them a false sense of control

Narcissists love being in control. They want to have the upper hand- and what better way to achieve this than to cut off all communication and make you beg for their acknowledgment.

5. To break you down

As I said above- silent treatment is emotional abuse. The major end goal is to break you down. During the time in between contact, you may start to feel angry, lost, desperate, crazy, and sad, and in turn- you may lose sight of why you tried to set boundaries in the first place.

6. It changes the power dynamic

When a narcissist feels like they have no power- or as though they have the upper hand, they are likely to resort to the silent treatment. This turns the power dynamic upside down, and in their mind gives them the upper hand.

7. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a tool narcissists use to shut down the lines of communication. If they don’t like what you are saying to them- they will completely shut down and refuse to speak to you. Not only is this frustrating and hurtful- but it can also harm you and the relationship.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where someone will stop talking to you. This painful, uncomfortable silence can go on for days, hours, weeks, or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.

Narcissists and the Silent Treatment

Are you dealing with getting the silent treatment from a narcissist? If you are, then you already how upsetting and confusing this can be. When a narcissist is involved, it’s possible that you’re being discarded, either permanently or temporarily.

Are you being gaslighted by a narcissist?

If you’re concerned you’re being gaslighted and manipulated by someone in your life, or you already know but you could use a little validation, you might like to take our free online gaslighting test, right here.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

What is the silent treatment of a narcissist?

What is the narcissist’s silent treatment? Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight.

How to understand a narcissist's silent treatment?

Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. I always say that knowledge is power , and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place.

Does silent therapy work for narcissists?

Plus, the silent treatment works particularly well on sensitive, empathic people (who are often quite attractive to narcissists ), because we are wired to respond to and attempt to soothe the emotions of the people around us, especially those we love.

Do narcissists want you to bend over backwards?

But the truth is that this is exactly what the narcissist wants – for you to bend over backward trying to appease them. All the while, the narcissist has no intention of allowing that to happen – they will only stop using the silent treatment when it is convenient for them or they want or need something from you.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

For narcissists, they use the silent treatment as a form of manipulation. They’ll refuse to communicate for days, weeks, or even months. However, at no time will they explain their actions because the goal is to get you to apologize first and offer subservience to get back into their good graces. Reading Suggestions:

What is the silent treatment for a narcissist?

The Painful Narcissist Silent Treatment is a Form of Abuse. Narcissists have a completely different playbook though. They use the Narcissist silent treatment, sometimes with no end in sight. Narcissists have a completely different playbook though. They use the Narcissist silent treatment, sometimes with no end in sight.

Why do narcissists go silent?

The Narcissist and Emotional Abuse. As such, narcissistic injuryand going silent go hand in hand; when the narcissist’s ego is threatened by criticism, they will go silent until the person that criticized them shows contrition and goes back to boost their ego.

What happens when a narcissist is silent?

When the narcissist engages in the silent treatment, that all gets turned on its head and the victim feels like they are 100% responsible for the narcissist’s sadness or anger. Additionally, humans naturally want to feel loved and “seen”by their partner.

What does a narcissist depend on?

Narcissists depend on supply and that usually takes the form of compliments and affirmation of the delusional image they have of themselves. However, supply can also take the form of subservience and feeling feared. They know you’ll do anything to end the it and stop it from happening in the future, no matter the cost.

What does the Bible say about narcissists?

Well, the bible does speak about people like “narcissists” in 2 Timothy chapter 3. Paul refers to them as “lovers of themselves.”. Paul then goes on to say to turn away from such people! A good, moral, decent person would be wise to turn away from a wicked, manipulative narcissist and false accuser. Reply.

How long does silence last for a narcissist?

If it originated from a minor strike against their ego, the silence may only last a few hours – just long enough for you to see how awful it can feel when the narcissist stops communicating with you.

What is silent treatment?

Silent treatment is actually classified as a common form of emotional abuse, most likely to be deployed by a narcissist. It has been observed in most cases that the silent treatment is meted out to a victim when there is actually no fault on his or her part. It is purely the narcissist’s perspective and how they perceive a situation.

What does it mean when a narcissist feels his or her importance is being diluted?

When a narcissist feels that his or her importance is being diluted, their control is being challenged or they are not being the most rewarded one in the relationship, they will unleash a barrage of various ways to make the other person feel insignificant. One of the most common ways to do so is to bring in the silent treatment.

What happens if a narcissist draws a line in a relationship that is not acceptable

If a person draws a certain line in a relationship that is not acceptable to the narcissist but is very rational, even then the silent treatment may be meted out. It may seem weird but even if the narcissist is at fault and has been confronted for the same, ...

How to deal with a narcissist who is threatened?

When they are threatened, according to their psyche, to a compromise or a situation that they don’t want to be in, they will play their cards and want the other person to retrace their steps.

What is the relationship between a narcissist and a coworker?

While there can be various types of relationships with a narcissist; a person may have a narcissistic boss, a narcissistic friend or coworker, it is the narcissistic partner that causes the most painstaking trauma.

Why is a narcissist incapable of loving?

A narcissist is a self absorbed person and he or she is incapable of loving someone truly because they are actually in love with their own selves. There is nothing and no one more important than them and thus a narcissist will always remain aloof from the emotional investment that the other person may indulge in.

Can a narcissist convince a victim to go to therapy?

Since the silent treatment is already imposed, it is unlikely that the victim will be able to convince the narcissist to opt for therapy or at least a consultation with a psychiatrist. As the only option, the victim should walk out of the relationship or take some measures which can break the narcissistic silent treatment.

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