Treatment FAQ

why do narcissists use silent treatment

by Prof. Micah Jones Jr. Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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For narcissists, they use the silent treatment as a form of manipulation. They’ll refuse to communicate for days, weeks, or even months. However, at no time will they explain their actions because the goal is to get you to apologize first and offer subservience to get back into their good graces.

The Purpose of the Silent Treatment
Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants.
Mar 12, 2020

Full Answer

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

Dec 13, 2020 · Now, a narcissist can have many reasons to use the silent treatment. I will go shortly into five possible reasons, as it could possibly help you recognize what’s going on. A common reason is that they could try to punish you because you have hurt their ego, you had slight criticism, or you simply didn’t do what they expected or wanted you to do.

How to shut down the narcissist during the silent treatment?

Protect Yourself From Narcissists Who Abuse You With Silent Treatment Maintaining Distance. You need to decide what you are willing to tolerate when it comes to silent treatment. What is... Enforcing Consequences. Consequences are important because they teach people how to treat us. If someone keeps ...

What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you?

Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that …

How to get a narcissist back after narcissist discard phase?

Jul 13, 2020 · According to Cikanavicius, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control. It Helps Them Avoid Compromise. Cikanavicius also says that enduring the silent treatment from someone makes you want to avoid all future conflicts with them.

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What to do when a narcissist is giving you the silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.Apr 30, 2019

Why narcissists give the silent treatment?

The silent treatment, a form of stonewalling, is a tool used by narcissists to punish someone who has behaved in a way they don't like. Most people want to right wrongs and if they feel like something negative has happened in the relationship, they want to discuss it to lessen tension and to protect the relationship.Nov 19, 2020

How do you tell when a narcissist is done with you?

For starters, narcissists are finished with you once your narcissistic supply gets stale.When they show more interest in those outsides of your relationship as they seek validation, your opinion is becoming less valuable to them.They start to devalue you.They finally ignore you for good.More items...•Mar 12, 2021

How does a narcissist react to no contact?

If we ignore them again by saying “no” or going “no contact” with them, narcissists might go into a complete rage. This rage is a coping mechanism in order for them to deal with us keeping our distance from them or saying “no” to them. A rejection of narcissists means that we think they are not perfect.Mar 11, 2021

2. They want to make you look crazy

An emotionally stable person will want to resolve conflict and understand what they have done wrong. Because of that, when you are given the silent treatment, it’s only natural that you will reach out “Are you okay? What can I do to make this better?” After no response, you may message again and again.

3. To manipulate you

When you don’t give the narcissist what they want- they will resort to manipulation. In their mind, the longer you have without them, the easier it will be for you to give up and give them their way.

4. It gives them a false sense of control

Narcissists love being in control. They want to have the upper hand- and what better way to achieve this than to cut off all communication and make you beg for their acknowledgment.

5. To break you down

As I said above- silent treatment is emotional abuse. The major end goal is to break you down. During the time in between contact, you may start to feel angry, lost, desperate, crazy, and sad, and in turn- you may lose sight of why you tried to set boundaries in the first place.

6. It changes the power dynamic

When a narcissist feels like they have no power- or as though they have the upper hand, they are likely to resort to the silent treatment. This turns the power dynamic upside down, and in their mind gives them the upper hand.

7. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a tool narcissists use to shut down the lines of communication. If they don’t like what you are saying to them- they will completely shut down and refuse to speak to you. Not only is this frustrating and hurtful- but it can also harm you and the relationship.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can be defined as the following: a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval, and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence. Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort ...

Why is silent treatment harmful?

The silent treatment, while sometimes seemingly harmless when talking about it, can be a highly damaging and effective form of manipulation, coercion, and control used by toxic people. It is common, even though many victims feel alone and like they cant talk about it because no one will believe them or understand.

What is the difference between silent treatment and time out?

The silent treatment, on the other hand, is destructive, indefinite, contemptuous, unilateral, and meant to alleviate the abusers sense of responsibility and allocate all the blame onto the victim. It is a manipulation tactic.

What is it called when you interact with a narcissist?

If you have ever interacted with a person who exhibits strong narcissistic or other dark personality traits, you have likely experienced what is known as the silent treatment .

Why do people take time out?

Instead, a time-out just allows people to gather their thoughts and calm their emotions so that they can re-approach one another in a loving and healthy manner at a later time. The time-out is meant to cause clarity and calmness, while the silent treatment results in ambiguity, confusion, and distress.

What is an example of a child doing something the parent disapproves of?

A child does something the parent disapproves of, often a very minor thing, and the parent starts ignoring them as punishment. It can involve withdrawing attention, ignoring the childs needs, stopping verbal communication, avoiding eye contact, or avoiding any engagement with the child.

Is it a silent treatment to not talk?

Not talking to simply cool down or communicating clearly that you need to be left alone is not the silent treatment and should not be mistaken as such. You are not intending to manipulate and cause distress during a time-out, nor are you purposefully withholding communication to control or coerce another person.

What is the silent treatment for narcissism?

According to Cikanavicius, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control.

Why do people enduring silent treatment?

It Helps Them Avoid Compromise. Cikanavicius also says that enduring the silent treatment from someone makes you want to avoid all future conflicts with them. It makes you lower your boundaries and shows them that they do not have to compromise anything to get your attention.

How to stop someone from being angry?

respond in anger, which can just escalate things. beg or plead, which only encourages the behavior. apologize just to put an end to it, even though you did nothing wrong. continue to try reasoning with the other person after you’ve already given it a shot.

Is the silent treatment fun?

July 13, 2020. Having to endure the silent treatment isn’t fun for anyone. It makes you feel invisible, unworthy, and maybe a little bit sad or angry. Nothing but negative feelings arise from using the silent treatment.

Do narcissists like to be in control?

When you have problems with a self-centered person, it’s no surprise that they like to be in control . Social Worker and Psychotherapist Andrea Schneider says that narcissists will often demand that you apologize for your actions before they’ll speak to you again. “Because no further communication can ensue unless and until the narcissistic person decides to give the target another chance, a false sense of control is nurtured,” Schneider says.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where someone will stop talking to you. This painful, uncomfortable silence can go on for days, hours, weeks, or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.

Narcissists and the Silent Treatment

Are you dealing with getting the silent treatment from a narcissist? If you are, then you already how upsetting and confusing this can be. When a narcissist is involved, it’s possible that you’re being discarded, either permanently or temporarily.

Are you being gaslighted by a narcissist?

If you’re concerned you’re being gaslighted and manipulated by someone in your life, or you already know but you could use a little validation, you might like to take our free online gaslighting test, right here.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

What is the silent treatment of a narcissist?

What is the narcissist’s silent treatment? Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight.

How to understand a narcissist's silent treatment?

Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. I always say that knowledge is power , and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place.

Does silent therapy work for narcissists?

Plus, the silent treatment works particularly well on sensitive, empathic people (who are often quite attractive to narcissists ), because we are wired to respond to and attempt to soothe the emotions of the people around us, especially those we love.

Do narcissists want you to bend over backwards?

But the truth is that this is exactly what the narcissist wants – for you to bend over backward trying to appease them. All the while, the narcissist has no intention of allowing that to happen – they will only stop using the silent treatment when it is convenient for them or they want or need something from you.

What is silent treatment?

Silent treatment is actually classified as a common form of emotional abuse, most likely to be deployed by a narcissist. It has been observed in most cases that the silent treatment is meted out to a victim when there is actually no fault on his or her part. It is purely the narcissist’s perspective and how they perceive a situation.

What does it mean when a narcissist feels his or her importance is being diluted?

When a narcissist feels that his or her importance is being diluted, their control is being challenged or they are not being the most rewarded one in the relationship, they will unleash a barrage of various ways to make the other person feel insignificant. One of the most common ways to do so is to bring in the silent treatment.

What happens if a narcissist draws a line in a relationship that is not acceptable

If a person draws a certain line in a relationship that is not acceptable to the narcissist but is very rational, even then the silent treatment may be meted out. It may seem weird but even if the narcissist is at fault and has been confronted for the same, ...

How to deal with a narcissist who is threatened?

When they are threatened, according to their psyche, to a compromise or a situation that they don’t want to be in, they will play their cards and want the other person to retrace their steps.

What is the relationship between a narcissist and a coworker?

While there can be various types of relationships with a narcissist; a person may have a narcissistic boss, a narcissistic friend or coworker, it is the narcissistic partner that causes the most painstaking trauma.

Why is a narcissist incapable of loving?

A narcissist is a self absorbed person and he or she is incapable of loving someone truly because they are actually in love with their own selves. There is nothing and no one more important than them and thus a narcissist will always remain aloof from the emotional investment that the other person may indulge in.

Can a narcissist convince a victim to go to therapy?

Since the silent treatment is already imposed, it is unlikely that the victim will be able to convince the narcissist to opt for therapy or at least a consultation with a psychiatrist. As the only option, the victim should walk out of the relationship or take some measures which can break the narcissistic silent treatment.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

The difference is that when a narcissist employs the silent treatment, they do it on purpose in order to hurt the people close to them. If playback doesn't begin shortly, try restarting your device. Videos you watch may be added to the TV's watch history and influence TV recommendations.

What happens when a narcissist uses the silent treatment against you?

When a narcissist uses the silent treatment against you, he or she is playing an emotional game of chicken with your mind. You will be tempted to reach out and speak first. When you do, the narcissist will have considered your reconciliation action a form of “ flinching.”. In their gamebook, they win, and you lose.

What does it mean when a narcissist takes love?

When a narcissist gives and takes love in a random manner, he or she is effectively acting like a slot machine to your emotions. This behavior activates the reward and addiction centers in the brain. You want to keep putting more coins in the slot machine, even though you are losing overall.

How to overcome silent treatment?

One of the best ways to overcome negative feelings from the silent treatment is to encourage positive feelings of belonging. How do you do this? Connect with other friends and family members who love and care about you.

How long does silent treatment last?

This silent treatment can go on for hours, days, or at its extreme, weeks or even months.

What is the bad thing about being a narcissist?

The bad side of staying in a relationship with a narcissist is that it keeps you stuck in a hopeless situation. Holding onto hope that the narcissist in your life will change is a pipe dream that leads to a wasted life. The idea can be likened to the legends of Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster.

Is silent treatment harmful?

Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment is damaging no matter who does it, but when the narcissist in your life employs it as a tool, it can be downright devastating.

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is the no1 weapon used by narcissists during which the narcissist acts as if you are non-existent and even refuses to communicate, even if you tried doing so. So, what happens when this silent-treatment is reversed?

What happens if you continue the silent treatment?

If you still continue the silent treatment, the narcissist may finally abandon you and move on with new narcissistic supply and new victims.

How long does it take for a narcissist to come back to you?

Unable to feel being ignored, his inflated ego starts hitting him harder and harder. So, after giving silent treatment for a few weeks , the narcissist will likely come back to you. He may start chasing you so that he can get back his narcissistic supply like before.

Why does a narcissist block you?

The Narcissist may even block you on all his social media accounts and try to act extra friendlier with others, so that he can get more eyeballs from you. His routine bragging and show-off start to begin, just to show you that he is the most valuable person and prove that you are missing a great treasure ignoring him.

Do narcissists beg you?

While some narcissists may beg and request you while some others may shout and begin a fight with you. The hurt ego of the narcissist makes him vulnerable and pushes him to do weird things just ...

Can a narcissist demean you?

In fact, it is not uncommon for a narcissist to demean you or abuse you in front of others and even at the back of you. Also, the narcissist may replace you with another person, just to trigger emotions of jealousy in you. As more and more days pass by, more signs will start to appear. All with the motive to grab your attention at any cost.

Can a narcissist live without talking to you?

The narcissist may even believe that you can’t live without talking to the narcissist. So, when days start to pass by and if you still continue to give the silent treatment to the narcissist, the actual drama start to begin..

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