Sometimes spouses use the silent treatment in marriage as a means to hurt their partner. They may think, “You hurt my feelings, so now I’ll hurt yours.” It can be used as a defense mechanism to try and protect a person from further hurt.
How to cope with silent treatment in marriage?
Dec 07, 2011 · A few of the many messages that the Silent Treatment often gives the partner are: • It tells the partner that they are not important. • It is punishing the other in retributive style. • It tells the partner that there is no compromise – Either my way or the highway. • It brings insecurity and lack of trust. Mort Fertel, author and ...
Why does my husband give me silent treatment?
Jun 14, 2017 · Answer: Yes, the silent treatment is a type of emotional abuse. Also, him referring to you as being, 'mentally ill,' is another form of abuse, commonly referred to as 'gaslighting.'. The latter can have serious implications for your emotional well-being. Remember, it is perfectly natural for couples to argue.
How does the silence treatment affect marriage?
May 05, 2022 · Related Reading: How to respond to the silent treatment – Effective ways to handle it. 2. You can understand your partner better. People who use the silent treatment as a method of punishing their partner can stay silent for days, building a wall around them and behaving that their partner doesn’t exist.
Why do narcissists use silent treatment?
Dec 07, 2021 · The silent treatment is a common game of emotional chicken that can be extremely debilitating to a marriage.Luckily, whether this is a rare thing in your relationship or a go-to defense mechanism, you can break through the invisible wall, address the real issue in the short term, and work together to make the silent treatment a thing of the past.. Why the Silent …
How do you deal with a spouse that gives you the silent treatment?
- Don't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ...
- Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ...
- Be ready to listen, not just talk. ...
- Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.
Does silent treatment work in a marriage?
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
What does silence do to a woman?
What is silent treatment abuse?
It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. It is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm.
Can you respond to silent treatment in marriage?
Responding to silent treatment in marriage with your own version could collapse the relationship foundations. However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you.
What is the purpose of silent treatment?
It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, paranoia, dependency, loss, and loneliness.
What is the marriage.com course?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
What is silent treatment?
What Is the Silent Treatment? The Silent Treatment, also known as ignoring, giving the "cold shoulder" and similar idioms, has the technical term of "unresponsiveness," and is also considered a form of psychological and emotional abuse. A few ways of abuses are: 1. It is a form of manipulation. 2.
Who is Mort Fertel?
Mort Fertel, author and founder of the Marriage Fitness System for Relationship Renewal, writes, "it doesn’t just eat away at your marriage; it eats away at your stomach. The stress on your body and the tension in your house…it’s the WORST. ". According to Fertel, "Silent treatments ensue when both people feel they’re RIGHT.
What to do when you are on the receiving end of silent treatment?
If you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment, one thing you can do first and foremost is to think of how you may have contributed to your partner's reaction. Understand that hurtful actions are usually negative RE-actions towards an event or something said or done – or not said or done.
Why do people seek help for their marriage?
Unresolved conflict is one of the most common reasons people seek help for their marriage. Often, a lack of healthy communication skills in marriage can lead to couples saying and doing things that can be damaging to their marriage.
Why does my husband give me the silent treatment?
In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse.
Why is it important to talk to your wife?
It’s important to talk to your wife when you’re both calm to develop some strategies to help you resolve conflict in a more productive manner. If the two of you can successfully resolve a few problems together, it’s likely your wife will gain confidence in your ability to work together as a couple.
Is emotional abuse real?
Though it may not leave easily identifiable physical evidence in the way that physical abuse does, emotional abuse is nevertheless very real and very harmful . It is defined as any attempt to control a person in an emotional or psychological way.
Is silent treatment a form of abuse?
Answer: Yes, the silent treatment is a type of emotional abuse. Also, him referring to you as being, 'mentally ill,' is another form of abuse, commonly referred to as 'gaslighting.'. The latter can have serious implications for your emotional well-being. Remember, it is perfectly natural for couples to argue.
Is it a control move to ignore someone?
Ignoring Someone Is a Control Move. People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.).
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). A person may also use the silent treatment to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions or to suppress a partner's attempts at asserting self-worth. Additionally, he may be employing the silent treatment predominantly due to a lack of ability to properly communicate. Most likely though, it's attributable to a combination of the above factors.
What is the primary method of chastisement?
Although silence is the primary method of chastisement, your partner may also adopt other subtle tactics that are designed to frustrate you. Hence, you may find that he delays or refuses to complete chores, knowing that this will upset or irritate you. Alternatively, he may refuse to attend joint social events, with the full knowledge that this will cause you great inconvenience or embarrassment.
Is it normal to cool off?
From time to time, everyone needs to take some time out of their relationship. This is perfectly normal and often used to resolve conflict in healthy relationships. Nonetheless, this should not be confused with being given the silent treatment. Cooling off is usually implemented as a constructive means of finding a solution to problems that you and your partner may be having.
What is silent treatment?
The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse. The silent treatment is your partner's way of telling you that you have done something wrong. As a consequence of this, he refuses to acknowledge or communicate with you. This is passive-aggressive emotional abuse.
Is silent treatment effective?
While prolonged silent treatment could lead to emotional abuse and is said to be as lethal as physical abuse having long-term psychological effects, it is often regarded as an effective tool for conflict resolution.
Why do people use silent treatment?
This helps to diffuse the aggression that one person is feeling. 2. You can understand your partner better. People who use the silent treatment as a method of punishing their partner can stay silent for days building a wall around them and behaving that their partner doesn’t exist. This is terrible for a relationship.
Why is silence important in marriage?
Silent treatment could be beneficial and abusive too. Silent treatment in marriage is thought to be a way of punishing a partner and is akin to passive aggressive behavior. But it is not always as mean as it is made out to be.
Is dissociating a bad thing?
Dissociating is not always a bad thing as long as you have the right boundaries and reasons for it. The silent treatment can work wonders in relationships but interestingly it can resolve tensions with exes too. Why the silent treatment works with an ex is something you might be wondering.
Why the Silent Treatment Happens
In general, the silent treatment “is a way to try and inflict emotional pain on someone as a consequence of feelings of anger or frustration,” explains relationship therapist Megan Harrison, LMFT. “Through withholding approval, they are non-verbally expressing that your actions and words are unacceptable.”
Why the Silent Treatment Is So Harmful
The silent treatment is a harsh tactic. When you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you may feel powerless, disrespected, invisible, frustrated, or angry — or you may cycle through all of these emotions.
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment: What to Say and How to Say It
The best thing to do when your loved one won’t communicate (and may be giving you the death stare) is to not escalate things, Harrison says. “Don’t take it personally. Be calm and patient. Do not respond in anger, don’t be patronizing or condescending, and don’t beg your partner to respond,” she advises.
How to End the Silent Treatment for Good
If the silent treatment is a fairly common reaction from your partner, address that during this initial conversation. “Talk about how you would prefer if they didn’t use this, with an emphasis on why it’s damaging, how you feel, and how it doesn’t help resolve the situation,” Gordon recommends.
Is The Silent Treatment Abuse?
So is the silent treatment in a relationship a sign of emotional abuse? Yes, it is. Now sometimes being quiet is a good thing. If you need to be silent so you don't say something you shouldn't, then it's a good thing to do. If you need to remain quiet for management of your anger, then staying silent is being smart.
Why The Silent Treatment Is Bad
As the above social media post describes, getting the silent treatment in a relationship causes the same response in our brains to being physically hit. Brain imaging shows that physical pain and social pain excite the same parts of our brain. The chemicals released in our bodies are the same too.
Stop The Silent Treatment In Your Relationship
Make an agreement with your partner that you will always come back and discuss your feelings and the topic of your conflict within a certain number of hours, say 24. Put a limit also on how long you can go without speaking to each other.
What is the Silent Treatment?
Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.
Why do people use the Silent Treatment?
Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.
Helpful Scripture
Scripture speaks clearly on this issue. The Apostle James instructs us: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” ( James 1:19 ).
Here are Five Steps to resolve "The Silent Treatment"
Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. We must do this carefully, however as we don’t want to give the pouter extra clout. We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively.
How long should a time out last?
Ideally, a time-out should last no longer than 24 hours and the one who called the time-out initiates the reconnect with the other spouse to say when he or she would be prepared to resume the discussion. The silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment.
What does it mean when someone is angry?
One person is angry or unhappy with something you have done or not done and instead of talking it through, there is a withdrawal of communication, attention, and care as a means of punishment. I remember one woman I worked with whose spouse did not speak with her for over a year despite her pleas to discuss things.
Is Your Spouse Giving You The Silent Treatment?
Reasons That Your Husband/Wife Is Giving You The Silent Treatment in Marriage
- In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse. Instead of trying to resolve a problem, the silent treatment may be employed as a way to try and get the other person to give in or to avoid the problem altogether. Sometimes spouses use the silent treatment in marriage as a means t...
Alternatives to Giving (or Getting!) The Silent Treatment in Marriage
- It’s important to talk to your wife when you’re both calm to develop some strategies to help you resolve conflict in a more productive manner. If the two of you can successfully resolve a few problems together, it’s likely your wife will gain confidence in your ability to work together as a couple. More inspiration on how to cope with silent treatment in marriage: 1. Stopping emotiona…
Unresolved Conflict
- Unresolved conflict is one of the most common reasons people seek help for their marriage. Often, a lack of healthy communication skills in marriagecan lead to couples saying and doing things that can be damaging to their marriage. Unresolved conflict can build up over time and can lead to more anger, frustration, and resentment which can dissolve your connection.