Treatment FAQ

when someone is giving you the silent treatment

by Brooks Swaniawski PhD Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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When somebody gives you the silent treatment, they may well be saying that you are not worthy unless you think, act and behave exactly as they want you to. They are determined to have their way and they are determined to withhold their approval (i.e. via conversation) until you come around to their way of thinking.

Full Answer

Why do narcissists give you the silent treatment?

Jun 08, 2020 · The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the...

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

Apr 30, 2021 · Essentially, the silent treatment is a noxious (non)communication tactic that is often meant to exert emotion control over someone else through sowing doubt, confusion, and anxiety. Occasionally,...

What men should do when given the silent treatment?

Jun 05, 2018 · By giving you the silent treatment, your partner wants you to know that he or she is displeased and is intent on punishing you. Stonewalling Stonewalling will have started when your partner cut you off in the middle of an argument. They will have refused to talk further and may even have abruptly left the room or the house.

When you should use the silent treatment?

Jul 14, 2016 · Urban dictionary defines the silent treatment as, “when someone refuses to speak to you, just to be mean, even though you ALREADY apologized and meant it.”. People often use the silent treatment as a form of control to get somebody to do what they want, or because they have limiting thoughts, thinking this makes them appear powerful when it makes them look …

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How do you respond to silent treatment?

How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.Jun 8, 2020

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Research. Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.Jun 1, 2020

Why do people give the silent treatment?

Although a perpetrator might use the silent treatment in many different scenarios, this is what every scenario has in common: “People use the silent treatment because they can get away with it without looking abusive to others,” Williams explained, “and because it's highly effective in making the targeted individual ...Mar 26, 2021

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."Aug 3, 2014

Why silence is powerful with a man?

Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.

What does silence mean for a man?

Being silent prevents this sense of loss of our masculinity. The male feels he cannot win or might not get heard. We might feel we have less vocabulary, or that we might lose the argument. We might get angry and do something we should not do.

Is silent treatment manipulation?

The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.Nov 27, 2018

What does silence do to a woman?

Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?

Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

Why is silent treatment important?

for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.

How does silent treatment affect relationships?

How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.

Why do people stay silent in a conversation?

These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

How does silence end?

the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.

What to do if someone feels they are in danger?

If a person feels that they or their family are in immediate danger, they must call 911. If they are not in immediate danger, a person who believes that their partner is abusive should consider whether or not they wish to stay in the relationship. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to:

What to say when someone gives you the silent treatment?

What to Say When Someone Is Giving You the Silent Treatment. There are few things more alienating than being in a relationship with someone who won’t speak to you. The constant stonewalling can feel maddening; when someone gives you the silent treatment, it’s easy for your mind to run amok, racing through frantic thoughts about what you did wrong. ...

What does silent treatment do to humans?

As Joel Cooper, a psychology professor at Princeton told The Atlantic earlier this year, the silent treatment deprives human beings of one of their most basic, instinctual needs.

Why do different personality types use the silent treatment?

Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.

What does abuse end with?

Some of the hallmarks of abuse end with the victim apologizing or changing their ways just to break the wall of silence. Healthline explains: It’s a frequent occurrence and is lasting for longer periods. It’s coming from a place of punishment, not a need to cool off or regroup.

Why do people stop verbal communication?

There’s no universal reason why someone might cease all verbal communication, but an underlying facet of the silent treatment is that when it occurs , it’s more due to the silent person’s own issues than anything else. Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: ...

Who said "The silent person cannot think of any other remedy"?

And as the psychologist Andrea F. Pollard wrote in Psychology Today, it might help you to think of the silent person on compassionate terms. Advertisement. She wrote: Consider that the one who uses the silent treatment cannot think of any other remedy.

Is silent treatment a behavioral tactic?

Advertisement. If it’s done with ill intention, then the silent treatment is a genuinely abusive behavioral tactic, often employed to get someone to feel bad or change their behavior for the abuser’s benefit. Fortunately, though, the silence can be broken. There are ways to navigate this kind of passive-aggresssive behavior with targeted ...

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

Why do people use silent treatment?

People often use the silent treatment as a form of control to get somebody to do what they want, or because they have limiting thoughts, thinking this makes them appear powerful when it makes them look like a jackass.

Is giving someone the silent treatment a punishment?

Giving me the silent treatment is not punishment, it’s a reward. Giving someone the silent treatment speaks volumes about your character. What to say when someone says that they’re mad at you! Funny comebacks if someone says that you’re late. Read more comebacks to insults.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

What does it mean when something isn't going their way?

When something isn’t going their way, they know that their silent treatment may be the only real key to turning the tables and getting exactly what they want, after all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This all depends on the strength and maturity of their intended target. 2. The narcissist.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What is a narcissist?

The narcissist. The narcissist is a troubled and sad individual. Among their weapons of choice, like their other manipulation techniques, they also utilize the silent treatment. The narcissist, since they are void of all original inner substance, will use the silent treatment to further establish who they are.

What does it mean when someone gives you the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down.

What happens if you silently treat someone?

If the silent treatment is continuous and prolonged, you begin to wonder what is wrong with you. After all the desire to talk to others is natural so, for somebody to not want to talk to you, there must be something seriously wrong with you. When someone is giving you the silent treatment to inflict emotional pain, ...

How to resolve a silent behavior problem?

To resolve the issue long-term, you need to identify the reason the other person has chosen the silent treatment as their way to deal with problems. When you do that you can work to resolve the real issue because you will no longer be treating the symptom; you will be treating the disease. Overcome Passive Aggressive Behaviour.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is one of the most torturous punishments that another person can inflict upon you. They use silence as their weapon of choice. By withholding their approval, they expect you to work out what is wrong and resolve the situation before they will resume talking to you.

Why can't I attack my behaviour?

Nobody can attack the reasons for your behaviour because you won’t tell anyone what those reasons are. Key point. With people like this, it can help to shine a light on their behaviour in a calm manner by telling them that you know exactly what they are doing. Overcome Passive Aggressive Behaviour.

What does it mean when someone punches you?

2. Wants to inflict emotional pain. With physical pain, you can usually get over it very quickly. For example, if someone were to punch you, the bruises can heal and the pain quickly subsides. As cruel as physical punishment is; emotional pain hits you at an even deeper level.

Does silent treatment resolve issues?

Whichever is true, the silent treatment is not going to resolve the issue. Only communication can. If you have discussed your issues with the other person openly and honestly and; you feel that they are not taking you seriously, the silent treatment is unlikely to see them change.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). A person may also use the silent treatment to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions or to suppress a partner's attempts at asserting self-worth. Additionally, he may be employing the silent treatment predominantly due to a lack of ability to properly communicate. Most likely though, it's attributable to a combination of the above factors.

What is silent treatment?

The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse. The silent treatment is your partner's way of telling you that you have done something wrong. As a consequence of this, he refuses to acknowledge or communicate with you. This is passive-aggressive emotional abuse.

Why is it important to have a circle of trusted friends?

More importantly, however, this gives you an outlet to communicate your experience to third parties who care about your wellbeing and will help you get an outside perspective on what is happening in your relationship.

What does it mean when your partner is ignored?

In doing so, your partner is attempting to induce feelings of powerlessness and shame. This is known as psychological or emotional abuse.

Is refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair a healthy activity?

As Schulman notes, 'Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won'. Taking time out of a relationship can be a healthy activity, if done in the correct way and with the correct intent. You do it to save the relationship and not jeopardise it.

Is it normal to cool off?

From time to time, everyone needs to take some time out of their relationship. This is perfectly normal and often used to resolve conflict in healthy relationships. Nonetheless, this should not be confused with being given the silent treatment. Cooling off is usually implemented as a constructive means of finding a solution to problems that you and your partner may be having.

Is it normal to be silent?

Answer: It is never normal to be subjected to the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. However, don't confuse this with periods of 'cooling off' or taking 'time out.'. It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree and need some time alone to reflect and gather their thoughts.

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is the no1 weapon used by narcissists during which the narcissist acts as if you are non-existent and even refuses to communicate, even if you tried doing so. So, what happens when this silent-treatment is reversed?

What happens if you continue the silent treatment?

If you still continue the silent treatment, the narcissist may finally abandon you and move on with new narcissistic supply and new victims.

How long does it take for a narcissist to come back to you?

Unable to feel being ignored, his inflated ego starts hitting him harder and harder. So, after giving silent treatment for a few weeks , the narcissist will likely come back to you. He may start chasing you so that he can get back his narcissistic supply like before.

Why does a narcissist block you?

The Narcissist may even block you on all his social media accounts and try to act extra friendlier with others, so that he can get more eyeballs from you. His routine bragging and show-off start to begin, just to show you that he is the most valuable person and prove that you are missing a great treasure ignoring him.

Do narcissists beg you?

While some narcissists may beg and request you while some others may shout and begin a fight with you. The hurt ego of the narcissist makes him vulnerable and pushes him to do weird things just ...

Can a narcissist demean you?

In fact, it is not uncommon for a narcissist to demean you or abuse you in front of others and even at the back of you. Also, the narcissist may replace you with another person, just to trigger emotions of jealousy in you. As more and more days pass by, more signs will start to appear. All with the motive to grab your attention at any cost.

Can a narcissist live without talking to you?

The narcissist may even believe that you can’t live without talking to the narcissist. So, when days start to pass by and if you still continue to give the silent treatment to the narcissist, the actual drama start to begin..

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