Treatment FAQ

when one partner says i want to talk about your treatment of me

by Carolanne Hamill Published 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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How do you deal with a partner who won't let you talk?

According to Winter, the best way to deal with a partner who won't let you get a word in is to let them know in the moment that the conversation feels unbalanced. Everyone comes with their own unique background, knowledge, and skill set. This means people might feel like they can speak in an authoritative way about certain things.

Why does my partner give me the silent treatment?

Nobody likes being on the receiving end of the silent treatment. So if you're someone who doesn't quite understand why your partner keeps giving you the silent treatment, a new study can clue you in. There's actually a certain psychology behind why people use the silent treatment as a way to deal when things aren't going so well.

How can I get my partner to treat me well?

You must care enough for yourself to want to be treated well. You must have enough compassion for your struggles to want to ease them. You must care in the same ways about your partner, and expect the same from your partner. When you struggle, what you want to hear from your partner are responses like: I’m so sorry that you are hurting.

Is your partner not talking to you about changing?

If you feel like your partner isn't doing that, or won't even talk to you about the possibility of changing, remember that you deserve the very best. Communication is vital to the health of a relationship, so it might be a good idea to make that a relationship priority.

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Why do people use silent treatment?

There's actually a certain psychology behind why people use the silent treatment as a way to deal when things aren't going so well. In a study published in the Journal of Management Studies, researchers focused on how ambivalence can affect the attitudes and performances of company employees.

What happens when you don't believe in yourself?

When people don't think they're being treated fairly by their company or their partner, they start to lose their sense of self-worth. When they get to the point where they don't believe their ideas or opinions matter, that's when they go silent.

What does it mean when your spouse makes you feel less than you should be?

A spouse that makes you feel less than desired or needed is not respecting you. While no one is perfect, you spend your time trying to make your spouse and family feel loved and cared for. When your spouse is quick to make you feel as though you are less than you should be, it is a serious sign of disrespect.

What does it mean when your spouse doesn't respect you?

When your spouse respects you, they will acknowledge your accomplishments, both big and small. Not acknowledging what you have accomplished in your career, your household, or in some other way, is a sign that your spouse does not respect you.

How do you know if you are disrespectful in a marriage?

Signs of disrespect in marriage can include spending time with someone who is not your spouse or cheating on your spouse. If you notice disrespect in your relationship at any point in time, you want to make sure that the disrespectful behavior won’t continue and to have a conversation with your spouse.

Why do people disrespect others?

Often, people are disrespectful due to poor self-esteem.

Why is communication important in a relationship?

We all know that communication is important in a relationship, as is changed behavior when there is a problem. If the disrespectful behavior is genuinely a mistake, a behavior change will occur. Disrespect should never be attributed to, “this is how I joke,” or “this is just who I am.”.

How do you know if your husband is disrespectful?

One of the major signs that there is disrespect in a marriage is when your husband comes home very late at night when he gets out of work in the early evening instead of being home. The biggest signs your partner is disrespecting you are often the hardest to come to terms with and confront.

How to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline?

You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For more resources visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline webpage. There are also times where both parties are toxic for each other. Disrespect in relationships is prevalent in toxic partnerships.

What to do if your partner is silent?

If your partner is unwilling to change, you may want to consider your options including breaking off the relationship at some point.

What does silent treatment do to a relationship?

When the person using the silent treatment takes away the ability to communicate and collaborate with one another, the person on the receiving end often will go to great lengths to restore the verbal aspect of the relationship.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Research. Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1  In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

What is silent treatment?

Silent treatment is a flat-out refusal to ever discuss the issue —now or later. In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. When this happens, the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone.

How to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior?

Use the silent treatment to put you in your place. Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time. Refuse to talk, make eye contact, answer calls, or respond to texts. Fall back on the silent treatment when things don't go their way. Use it as a way to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior.

How to use silence?

Use silence as a passive-aggressive way to control your behavior (e.g., you give in to demands or you avoid certain behaviors to avoid the silent treatment) Silence you when you attempt to assert yourself by refusing to talk. Use it as the primary means of dealing with conflict.

What does it mean when a partner sulks?

When one or both partners sulk, pout, or refuse to talk, they are exerting a cruel type of power in the relationship that not only shuts out their partner but also communicates that they do not care enough to try to communicate or collaborate. People use the silent treatment to control the situation or conversation.

What does it mean when your partner says something to you?

What your partner says to you can mean a little bit more than what's on the surface. And if you've hit a rough patch, it can be quite natural to pay extra attention to what is said. Signs a relationship is falling apart can vary widely, but there are certain clues that are right there in the open. Your partner may be indicating their feelings about your future in what they say.

Does silent treatment go away after school?

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle. Unfortunately, sometimes the silent treatment doesn't go away for good after elementary school. If your partner has started to completely avoid conversation or confrontation, it's a sign that things may be nearing the end.

What to do when your partner isn't talking?

If you feel like your partner isn't doing that, or won't even talk to you about the possibility of changing, remember that you deserve the very best. Communication is vital to the health of a relationship, so it might be a good idea to make that a relationship priority.

What to do if you believe a relationship is salvageable?

However, if you believe the relationship is salvageable and you want to have a conversation with your partner, prepare your talking points in advance.

Can you end up dating someone who doesn't have the same communication style as you?

Since opposites often attract, it's likely that you could end up dating someone who doesn't have the same communication style as you do. But there is a difference between a partner whose communication style clashes with yours, and a partner who disregards your feelings and verbally lashes out at you on the regular.

Is there such a thing as perfection in a relationship?

There's no such thing as perfection when it comes to relationships. We all make mistakes and have our own unique set of weaknesses we're working through. If communication is something that could be improved in your relationship, then calmly letting your partner know how you feel is a great way to start.

Can you talk to your partner about abusive behavior?

Depending on the nature of your relationship, it may be possible to have a conversation with your partner about why the way they talk to you is so unacceptable. But it's important to tread carefully when broaching the subject, especially if they’ve ever been abusive in any way.

How to care for yourself when you struggle?

You must have enough compassion for your struggles to want to ease them. You must care in the same ways about your partner, and expect the same from your partner. When you struggle, what you want to hear from your partner are responses like: I’m so sorry that you are hurting.

What happens when your partner dismisses your concerns?

When your partner dismisses your concerns, it’s a problem. Even if the issue you are raising is a small one, your partner is – in that moment – failing to show that he or she cares about you. And so their reaction to your small concern is revealing a BIG problem. Respect, empathy, and compassion are necessary ingredients in healthy relationships.

Why do people turn away from their relationships?

Too often, people turn away when their partners bring up thoughts or concerns that they don’t relate to, care about, or want to deal with.

How to tell your partner something is wrong?

Good (and Bad) Ways to Tell Your Partner Something Is Wrong 1 Not this: “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you remember one little thing?” 2 Try this: “I was counting on your help. You forgot about it, and I feel like I don’t matter.”

What did Amy feel when she was in therapy?

In therapy, Amy admitted feeling Bob’s stuff was more important than her peace of mind. She felt dismissed and hurt. She needed Bob to hear that his desire for “stuff” seemed to come first, and it made her feel unwanted. After Amy expressed her hurt in a vulnerable way, you could feel their tension soften.

What did Amy and Bob want?

Amy wanted to keep just those things around the house they needed and used now. Bob preferred having stuff like extra boxes, umbrellas, and materials for projects. Bob tended not to tidy up unless pressed. And when Amy has pressed Bob, they had terrible fights.

What is repair in friendship?

Repair is any gesture—a phrase, apology, hug, a friendly glance—that eases the negativity between you. A lot depends on whether, beneath it all, you see each other as friends. Even if the repair attempt is awkward or clumsy, faith in your friendship will tips the scales toward healing after conflict.

How to build a stronger relationship?

Repair is one of the most powerful things you can do to build a stronger relationship. You don’t need to be perfect for each other to be happy together. You can do a lot to restore goodwill by repairing hurts. What separates many successful couples from less happy ones is the ability to make repairs.

Is a relationship between wife and husband like fish and water?

A relationship between ‘wife and husband’ must be like “fish and water” but not like fish and fisherman. This is 100% true; I agree with you. You have written an excellent post. I hope it will really help to solve the problems of married people.

Do you need to hear when your partner is hurting?

That’s the question we need to hear “yes” to, especially when one of you is hurt. Gently explaining your hurt is the first step to deepening your understanding together. Being able to hear when your partner is hurt is just as important to make things better. This is much easier said than done.

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