Treatment FAQ

what to do when someone is giving you silent treatment

by Furman Kirlin Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago

How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment

  1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
  2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
  3. Ignore it until it blows over. The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand.
  4. Offer solutions. Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. ...
  5. Stand up for yourself. When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first.

How to respond
  1. Name the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ...
  2. Use 'I' statements. ...
  3. Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ...
  4. Apologize for words or actions. ...
  5. Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ...
  6. Avoid unhelpful responses.
Jun 8, 2020

Full Answer

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

Jun 08, 2020 · If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches: Name the situation. Acknowledge that someone is …

How long to give someone the silent treatment?

Apr 30, 2021 · What to do about the silent treatment. One way of addressing the issue is by calling it out directly, but never in an accusatory or hostile way. The psychiatrist Elizabeth Gordon recently told ...

When someone gives you the silent treatment?

Jun 05, 2018 · When you’re wondering how to respond to the silent treatment, remind yourself that you are being mistreated yourself. Don’t plead with your partner. State clearly that you’re prepared to talk when they’re ready, and leave it at that. Don’t excuse their behaviour.

Why is my Friend giving me the silent treatment?

Apr 04, 2018 · The answer is deceivingly simple. You’re going to have to use your words(I know, ugh). Whether you are the person receiving or giving the silent treatment, there are actions you can take to start a conversation: 1. Name The Experience. You can avoid the silent treatment by compassionately acknowledging what you’re feeling.

What do you say to someone who gives you the silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.Apr 30, 2019

How do you deal with the silent treatment with dignity?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.
  1. Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ...
  2. Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ...
  3. Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ...
  4. Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ...
  5. State your boundaries clearly. ...
  6. Take care of yourself. ...
  7. Consider professional therapy.
Apr 26, 2021

Why does someone give you the silent treatment?

The silent treatment (also known as withholding) is used to punish and regain control of a person. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most.

Does silent treatment mean break up?

The silent treatment is a particularly toxic form of behavior that can lead to the breakdown of relationships. When a partner gives you the silent treatment, you might feel a crazy need to make him talk.

Is silent treatment manipulation?

The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.Nov 27, 2018

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."Aug 3, 2014

Is silent treatment toxic?

When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.Jun 1, 2020

How can the silent treatment backfire?

If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!Nov 18, 2014

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People use the silent treatment for a number of reasons. These include: 1 Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. 2 Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset. 3 Punishment: If a person uses silence to punish someone or to exert control or power over them, this is a form of emotional abuse.

How to help someone in an abusive relationship?

It will help someone in an abusive relationship to: 1 stay in contact with their family and friends 2 talk privately with a trusted professional, such as a counselor or domestic violence advocate, who can discuss the person’s options in a safe space 3 seek advice and support from a domestic abuse organization, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love is Respect

Why do people use silence?

they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty. they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior.

What is the meaning of "controlling"?

controlling all their finances and spending. controlling whether or not they go to work or school. humiliating them in front of others or on social media. using intimidating behavior, threatening them, or giving them ultimatums. threatening to harm themselves, pets, or loved ones. gaslighting them.

How to deal with a person who is abusive?

Avoid becoming defensive or going into problem-solving mode. Try to stay present and listen empathically. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.

Is silent treatment a form of abuse?

It can sometimes be a form of self-protection, but at other times, it indicates emotional abuse. People who regularly use or experience the silent treatment should take steps to address it. If there are other signs of abuse, it may be necessary to seek outside support to stay safe.

What is the silent treatment?

You’re probably familiar with the term. It boils down to one person in a relationship ignoring a significant other, friend, child, or family member for significant periods of time. On occasion, the person doing it might not even indicate why they’ve gone silent.

What to do about the silent treatment

One way of addressing the issue is by calling it out directly, but never in an accusatory or hostile way. The psychiatrist Elizabeth Gordon recently told Fatherly that someone on the receiving-end should use I-statements, which clarify how the speaker feels.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises.

What is silent treatment?

Left unchecked, the silent treatment becomes a pattern of behavior and emotional abuse that is used to manipulate over time. Fear not! There are a few things you can do to deal with the silent treatment in a relationship. Let’s break it down.

Why is it important to acknowledge your partner's feelings?

Acknowledging your partner’s feelings not only validates their experience, it creates space for a larger conversation. Through larger conversations, you can lay the foundation for trust and signal that you’re interested in understanding their point of view while being honest about how the silent treatment makes you feel.

Can you go to therapy for silent treatment?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What is a narcissist?

The narcissist. The narcissist is a troubled and sad individual. Among their weapons of choice, like their other manipulation techniques, they also utilize the silent treatment. The narcissist, since they are void of all original inner substance, will use the silent treatment to further establish who they are.

Who is Sherrie Hurd?

Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Why do people use silent treatment?

The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.

Why is silent treatment so insidious?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn’t know why they’re apologizing. “It’s especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

How long does silent treatment last?

In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

What to do if someone is silent?

What to Do If Someone is Giving you the Silent Treatment 1 show the person you are not bothered by their behavior 2 do not let the perpetrator witness your negative emotions 3 tell the person their behavior is immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. and laugh it off.

Why do people use silent treatment?

The person giving someone "the silent treatment" is trying to let their victim know they are displeased by taking their love away. Unfortunately what they are taking away is not their love. What is being taken away is their "approval" not love.

How to deal with an abusive person?

What the Abuser Wants: 1 Put themselves in a position of control. 2 Quiet the victim's attempts at assertion. 3 Avoid any kind of conflict, resolution, personal responsibility, and/ or compromise. 4 Punish the victim for what he or she is perceiving to have been an insult to his or her ego.

What is the silent treatment of emotional abuse?

No discussion of emotional abuse through words would be complete without including the absence of words as a form of abuse. This is commonly known as "the silent treatment". Abusers punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the abusers communicate their displeasure, anger, frustration, ...

What does the abuser want?

Often this type of emotional abuse is done by people with narcissistic tendencies. What the Abuser Wants: Put themselves in a position of control. Quiet the victim's attempts at assertion. Avoid any kind of conflict, resolution, personal responsibility, and/ or compromise.

How to win with a toxic person?

The only way you can win with a toxic person is not to play. Avoiding someone or cutting someone out of your life who is a toxic person is not the same thing as the silent treatment. The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them. If a married couple throws in the towel and decides there is no other alternative than to get a divorce not talking may not be the silent treatment. It may just be not engaging a toxic person to do toxic behavior and is a means of self protection.

What is silent treatment?

The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them.

Examples of What NOT to do when someone at work starts giving you the Silent Treatment

Don't keep asking them why they are not speaking to you. Whether or not you get a reasonable response, ask once, and once only, You know they heard you the first time so don't beg.

Playing the Silent Treatment Game with your Passive Aggressive co-worker

If you've been going out of your way to constantly try and appease him or her then it’s time to stop giving this person the satisfaction of seeing the pain and frustration silent treatment can bring about in you.

Be aware

You may well need to take professional/legal advice to deal with intolerable silent treatment/bullying in the workplace.

Passive Aggression at Work!

Difficult People: Foolproof Methods - Dealing with Difficult People, Mean People, and Workplace Bullying (Difficult People at Work, Passive Aggressive, ... Dealing with Difficult People, Negativity)

Make Difficult People Disappear: How to Deal with Stressful Behavior and Eliminate Conflict

In Monica Wofford’s book she details how to alter your mindset and find new ways of dealing with the problem of difficult personalities in the workplace. Her advices can help build confidence and enhance working relationships for team leaders and team members alike.

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