The spouse receiving the silent treatment starts to put their own interpretation to the situation, tries cajoling, pleading, even attempting silent treatment to teach their spouse a lesson. This “silent conflict” boils down to a power and control situation, and which partner will “bow down” first and apologize and normalize the situation.
Full Answer
How do you deal with a spouse that gives you the silent treatment?
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...
What does the silent treatment say about a person?
According to a 2012 study, people who regularly feel ignored also report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives. Because of this, the silent treatment can have an impact on the health of a relationship, even if the person who is silent is trying to avoid conflict.
How damaging is the silent treatment in a relationship?
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.
Is the silent treatment disrespectful?
"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Is silent treatment a red flag?
The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.
How long should the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
Is ignoring a form of emotional abuse?
Silent treatment abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person refuses to communicate with you in order to control or influence your behaviors. Taking time to cool down after an argument is healthy, but shutting off communication for a long time, especially in order to control another person, is a form of abuse.
What should I do if my husband is ignoring me?
When Your Husband Ignores You: 7 Tips to Deal with itRe-Establish Communication. Communication is the most critical aspect when resolving any issues in a marriage. ... Give Him Some Space. ... Stay Positive. ... Avoid Arguing With Him. ... Analyze the Situation. ... Revive the Spark. ... Keep Yourself Busy.
Is the silent treatment a form of manipulation?
The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.
Why do people use silent treatment in marriage?
Some people use the silent treatment in marriage to deal with problems. They use it to cut the argument short or as leverage. To figure out the mechanics behind silent treatment in marriage and how to react to it, let us first understand the motivations behind it.
What are the psychological effects of silent treatment?
It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, paranoia, dependency, loss, and loneliness. It could potentially lead to anxiety and clinical depression. Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children.
What is silent treatment abuse?
It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. It is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm.
How to win against silent treatment?
Do something constructive such as going about your day. If you are thinking about how to win against the silent treatment, the best way is to give your partner space while preventing them from thinking that their psychological attack is working. Silent treatment emotional abuse is a form of attack.
Is silence fair in marriage?
Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, don’t do more or less than what you would usually do.
Can you cool down with your partner?
However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you. Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship.
Is silent treatment defense created equal?
Cruel as it may seem, not all silent treatment defense mechanisms are created equal. Like corporal punishment, its application, severity, and motivation determine the morality of the act itself. That in itself is debatable, but that is another topic for another time.
What to say when your partner uses silent treatment?
Anytime your partner uses the silent treatment, say that word or phrase. It can help dispel some tension and nip the issue in the bud. Of course, all of this is easier when you can both communicate without accusing and judging. So work on this if you need to.
Why is silent treatment so bad?
Why the Silent Treatment Is So Harmful. The silent treatment is a harsh tactic. When you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you may feel powerless, disrespected, invisible, frustrated, or angry — or you may cycle through all of these emotions.
How does silent treatment affect relationships?
How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.
What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?
Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.
Why is silent treatment important?
for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.
What is silent treatment?
Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.
Why do people stay silent in a conversation?
These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
What are the types of emotional abuse?
demanding access to their phone, email account, and other digital information. deciding what they wear, eat, or drink.
How does silence end?
the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.
Why do we continue to use the silent treatment?
Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.
What to do when you feel overwhelmed?
When feeling overwhelmed, it is important and even responsible to pull back, reflect and choose your actions carefully. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
How to deal with emotional abuse?
Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.
How does being ostracized affect your self esteem?
Research shows that frequently feeling ostracized can reduce your self-esteem and sense of belonging. It can leave you feeling like you’re without control. This effect may be more intense when it’s done by someone close to you as a form of punishment. know the signs.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
Why does my husband give me the silent treatment?
In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse.
Why does silent treatment go on for hours?
Because the silent treatment in marriage often goes on for hours and possibly even days, it’s most likely not being used by your husband or wife as a way to calm themselves. It is a deeper problem than that.
What happens if you don't communicate in your marriage?
Often, a lack of healthy communication skills in marriage can lead to couples saying and doing things that can be damaging to their marriage. Unresolved conflict can build up over time and can lead to more anger, frustration, and resentment which can dissolve your connection.
Why is it important to talk to your wife?
It’s important to talk to your wife when you’re both calm to develop some strategies to help you resolve conflict in a more productive manner. If the two of you can successfully resolve a few problems together, it’s likely your wife will gain confidence in your ability to work together as a couple.
Can the silent treatment hurt a marriage?
A lot of people use the silent treatment in marriage. However, this technique can actually be quite damaging to your relationship. If you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment, no doubt you’re looking for how to put an end to it.
What does silent treatment mean for spouses?
The spouse receiving the silent treatment starts to put their own interpretation to the situation, tries cajoling, pleading, even attempting silent treatment to teach their spouse a lesson. This “silent conflict” boils down to a power and control situation, and which partner will “bow down” first and apologize and normalize the situation. ...
How to avoid silent treatment?
Maintain the flow of communication. Avoid silent treatment, as it is abusive in any relationship and creates tension in the marriage and family. The communication flow needs to be maintained at all costs to keep the relationship relevant and thriving. If you happen to be the recipient of the silent treatment, address the issue ...
What are the effects of silent treatment?
The effects of silent treatment can amount to psychological abuse and trauma. There is no better way to deal with it than by talking to a professional and seeking guidance from people who have gone through something similar.
What to do if your spouse doesn't acknowledge it?
If your partner does not acknowledge it as an issue, then it is best to seek marriage counseling or individual counseling. But first acknowledge to yourself, that it is psychological abuse and you are not responsible for your partner’s behavior. You deserve respect in a healthy relationship. There is absolutely no excuse for abuse in ...
Why is it important to talk in a relationship?
Why it is important to talk in a relationship. Communication forms the basis for any stable marriage. Lack of communication in a marriage leads to misunderstandings, misconceptions and negative thinking on both ends. The spouse receiving the silent treatment starts to put their own interpretation to the situation, tries cajoling, pleading, ...
Can a marriage work without communication?
No marriage or relationship can work without proper communication. That’s why one of the most common advice to maintain a healthy relationship is that you shouldn’t go to bed angry at each other, and must try to resolve your differences or fights as early as possible.
Is there an excuse for abuse?
There is absolutely no excuse for abuse in a relationship , be it mental or physical. Even though it may seem like a difficult choice, sometimes leaving the person will do you better than staying on in the relationship and trying to get through every day in pain.
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). A person may also use the silent treatment to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions or to suppress a partner's attempts at asserting self-worth. Additionally, he may be employing the silent treatment predominantly due to a lack of ability to properly communicate. Most likely though, it's attributable to a combination of the above factors.
What is silent treatment?
The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse. The silent treatment is your partner's way of telling you that you have done something wrong. As a consequence of this, he refuses to acknowledge or communicate with you. This is passive-aggressive emotional abuse.
What is considered an emotionally abusive relationship?
In the larger sense, a relationship can be considered emotionally abusive when one person consistently—whether fully intentional or not—uses abusive, hurtful language and bullying, intimidating behaviors to break down a person's self-esteem and self-worth and undermine their mental and emotional health.
What does it mean when your partner is ignored?
In doing so, your partner is attempting to induce feelings of powerlessness and shame. This is known as psychological or emotional abuse.
Is refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair a healthy activity?
As Schulman notes, 'Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won'. Taking time out of a relationship can be a healthy activity, if done in the correct way and with the correct intent. You do it to save the relationship and not jeopardise it.
Is it normal to be silent?
Answer: It is never normal to be subjected to the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. However, don't confuse this with periods of 'cooling off' or taking 'time out.'. It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree and need some time alone to reflect and gather their thoughts.
Is silent treatment a form of abuse?
Answer: Yes, the silent treatment is a type of emotional abuse. Also, him referring to you as being, 'mentally ill,' is another form of abuse, commonly referred to as 'gaslighting.'. The latter can have serious implications for your emotional well-being. Remember, it is perfectly natural for couples to argue.