Treatment FAQ

what happens if you don respond to the narcissist silent treatment

by Sally Shanahan Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago

Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.

Full Answer

How to get a narcissist to break the silent treatment?

Why We Give the Silent Treatment — And What to Do About It

  1. You Can’t Reward the Behavior. Many people find that appeasing the withdrawing person, and letting them sulk and stew or coaxing them out of it, as tantamount to giving ...
  2. Give Yourself Some Alone Time. In addition to picturing the silent person as a small baby in diapers, crying, I also like leaving. ...
  3. Talk — At the Right Time. ...
  4. Don’t Engage. ...

Why should we not trust a narcissist?

You can not trust a narcissist!! He will lie and present you the story from his point of view which is a distortion of reality. His story will change according to the situation, his advantage and the audience. Even confronted with proves he will lie, lie and lie some more but never does he take responsibility for his facts.

What does silent treatment by a narcissist mean?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks, or even months to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause severe emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. What is the goal of the silent treatment?

Why is there no cure for a narcissist?

Unfortunately for the NPD there is no medical treatment or cure for People with Narcissism. Research is lacking in this area tremendously! It is sad for the person affected by this personality disorder. And they will continue to ruin lives of others because they lack love, caring, support, kindness and thoughtfulness.

What happens when you don't respond to the silent treatment?

According to a 2012 study, people who regularly feel ignored also report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives. Because of this, the silent treatment can have an impact on the health of a relationship, even if the person who is silent is trying to avoid conflict.

What happens when you go silent on a narcissist?

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

How do I respond to silent treatment by a narcissist?

Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. That's not what you want or need in a relationship. Explain that you can't resolve issues this way, then be specific about those issues. If this sort of behavior is a relationship deal-breaker for you, state it plainly.

Why does a narcissist give you the silent treatment?

The silent treatment, a form of stonewalling, is a tool used by narcissists to punish someone who has behaved in a way they don't like. Most people want to right wrongs and if they feel like something negative has happened in the relationship, they want to discuss it to lessen tension and to protect the relationship.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist hoovering?

Most narcissists will not readily change their behavior once you ignore them. They might make half-hearted attempts to “get better,” but they often abandon these efforts once they can refuel their narcissistic supply. This pattern often leads you to feel exhausted, resentful, and angry.

What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?

Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.

How do you outsmart a narcissist silent treatment?

7:5112:05How to Outsmart Narcissists Silent Treatment End the Pain TodayYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipBut you're allowed to stay healthy. And to engage in behaviors that make you feel proud of yourselfMoreBut you're allowed to stay healthy. And to engage in behaviors that make you feel proud of yourself that make you feel empowered. So you observe it and you respond.

How long should silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

How do you make a narcissist miserable?

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Can't Stand Ignore them. Act indifferent toward them. Tell them how happy you are. Speak in facts, not emotions. Set boundaries and stick to them. Tell them no. Give them an ultimatum for commitment. Push them to answer to authority.More items...•

How do you make a narcissist regret losing you?

How to Make a Narcissist Regret Losing You Cut off all contact with the person. Be unattainable and focus on your well-being. Spend time with your support network. Realize that people with NPD can't feel regret. Resist the urge to get revenge. Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship.More items...•

Does the silent treatment mean you have been discarded by the narcissist?

Silent treatment vs silent discard People with narcissistic tendencies tend to see others as objects to meet their needs and will discard them when it is no longer met or the person adds no value. Their pattern of relationship is to idealise, devalue and then discard. The silent treatment is a temporary discard.

How does a narcissist handle rejection and no contact?

Gaslighters/narcissists are extremely sensitive to rejection. Any perceived slight can throw them into a tailspin. Many times, gaslighters/narcissists will be out for revenge. One of the most common ways gaslighters/narcissists attack those who reject them is by subjecting them to public humiliation.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

Silent treatment can be initiated to show you that you do not matter, to gain compliance, or to punish you for doing something wrong in the relationship.

What happens if you don't respond to a narcissist?

You may feel the flooding of emotions that you felt when you were with the narcissist. You will want so badly to respond and “give them a piece of your mind“, but your more rational and levelheaded side will remind you that this will only send you down the rabbit hole with them, undo all your efforts to go NO CONTACT and create more abuse for you in the long run.

What happens when a narc goes silent?

The narc goes silent and need you to plead for him/her to pick up the phone or respond to attempts of contact. Your attempts of contact, is super fuel to the narcissist. During the silent treatment, it is not unusual for the narcissist to block and unblock, block and then again unblock their victims. The.

What happens if you don't reach out to a narc?

-The Narc will leave hints about their whereabouts or activities on social media or other places you are sure to notice.

What does it mean when a narcissist is silent?

Silent treatment can also mean the Narcissist is otherwise preoccupied and is choosing to intentionally ignore you. If you don’t reach out it will probably frustrate and confuse your narcissist. However if you reach out too persistently or ask too many questions then be prepared to continue to be ignored.

Why does nothing happen in the second case?

In the second case: nothing will happen, because nothing is abnormal so far. When they’ll want to contact you, they’ll contact you. If they become aware you blocked them they’ll either do nothing (disengage from), or ask what the f*** is wrong with you.

Why don't people care about you?

At first they won't care because they figure you're giving them time, then as more time passes by they realize you showing strength because you're not giving them the reaction they wanted from you. So they will try and contact you and probably with concern at first then afterwards playing victim and guilt tripping you. They hate when their plans don't work.

What happens when you give silent treatment to a narcissist?

What happens in the initial days. When you start to give the silent treatment to the narcissist, the narcissist immediately finds it offending and hurting. As narcissists can’t tolerate being ignored, the act of silent treatment strikes the narcissist much harder than the normal people. As you start with the silent treatment, ...

What happens if you continue the silent treatment?

If you still continue the silent treatment, the narcissist may finally abandon you and move on with new narcissistic supply and new victims.

What more can you expect from the Narcissist?

However there are a few more things, you must embrace yourself if you are thinking to give a narcissist the silent treatment .

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is the no1 weapon used by narcissists during which the narcissist acts as if you are non-existent and even refuses to communicate, even if you tried doing so. So, what happens when this silent-treatment is reversed?

How long does it take for a narcissist to come back to you?

Unable to feel being ignored, his inflated ego starts hitting him harder and harder. So, after giving silent treatment for a few weeks , the narcissist will likely come back to you. He may start chasing you so that he can get back his narcissistic supply like before.

Why does a narcissist block you?

The Narcissist may even block you on all his social media accounts and try to act extra friendlier with others, so that he can get more eyeballs from you. His routine bragging and show-off start to begin, just to show you that he is the most valuable person and prove that you are missing a great treasure ignoring him.

What happens to a narcissist as the days pass?

As more and more days/weeks pass by, the narcissist starts to feel weaker and weaker. His vulnerability starts to get exposed. This is the final stage, and we can consider this the vulnerable stage.

How do narcissists express their disapproval?

The narcissist will express their disapproval by shutting down, withdrawing any love or affection, refusing to communicate and denying their target any explanation. Why? Avoidance, control, disempowerment and/or punishment, punishment for some perceived slight that their target is completely unaware of.

How to stay in close proximity with a narcissist?

For those brave souls who wish to remain in close proximity with a narcissistic personality be prepared for the challenges that you will inevitably face as you share your life with these individuals. Keep your expectations low and be prepared for a rough ride .

How do you play a narcissist and play better?

Let this deadly silence teach you that you can carry on without them. Use this period of silence as a time to re-evaluate your position. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong. I know you want answers but don’t chase them for any.

What is passive aggressive behavior?

This passive-aggressive behaviour is usually a repetitive form of emotional abuse which the narcissist will practice time and time again with each episode of silence often lasting a little longer than the one before. This is intentional manipulation which conditions the target for future mind control.

What does it mean when a narcissist wants to be the target of their abuse?

A narcissist wants the target of their abuse, and be in no doubt their silence is abuse, to reach out, plead and beg for their very existence to be recognised. Responding in such a way will give the narcissist their much needed narcissistic supply. The narcissist will read all your texts and emails and will get a tremendous amount of satisfaction from them.

Why do narcissists ignore their targets?

Have you ever found yourself being ignored by someone and you have no idea why? A narcissist will deliberately ignore their target in order to cause harm, often encouraging others to do the same (Ostracism). How to respond to a narcissist’s silent treatment? How to turn the game around and play it better?

How to treat someone who loves you?

Respect yourself enough to know that someone who loves you would never treat you in such a contemptuous manner. People who love you don’t withhold love, they give it. People who love you have your back. They don’t stab you in it.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

A common reason is that they could try to punish you because you have hurt their ego, you had slight criticism, or you simply didn’t do what they expected or wanted you to do. The silent treatment could also be a response to you setting a healthy boundary or saying ‘no’ to something. Another reason to use it is to have control. Their aim can be to make you feel powerless and to control your behaviour.

What is the difference between silent treatment and narcissistic treatment?

The difference with a narcissist using the silent treatment is that a narcissist will not be able to speak about it afterwards, they will not take any responsibility, or admit they were hurt and used the silent treatment because of that.

What does it mean when someone uses silent treatment?

Now, using the silent treatment doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist or a toxic person . It can also be a sign of someone emotionally immature. A normal person, however, will let you know if they need some time to gather thoughts and tell you they will get back to you.

What happens when you are victim of silent treatment?

When victim of the silent treatment, you’re stuck in a game of manipulation instead of having healthy and normal communication. It’s very unhealthy behaviour and when used by narcissists it’s a form of emotional abuse.

What is the silent treatment used by narcissists?

A very common form of manipulation used by narcissists is the silent treatment. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. It’s passive-aggressive and it can be very frustrating and result in a lot of stress and anxiety.

Why do we use silent treatment?

Another important reason to use the silent treatment is avoiding responsibility. It could be a response to you wanting to speak about their behaviour or your relationship. Silent treatment basically is avoidance. It’s avoiding responsibility, blame, and projecting upon others by playing the victim.

Why is it important to shift your attention from a narcissist to yourself?

It’s thus very important to shift the attention from the narcissist to yourself again. Your energy will be drained, when your focus is on a narcissist.

How do narcissists express their disapproval?

To be completely shut out, especially by those we love or who are supposed to love us, is debilitating even to the strongest of people. By being ignored or ostracized, we’re left feeling totally worthless with our self-esteem at an all-time low. The narcissist will express their disapproval or disagreement by shutting down, withdrawing any love or affection, refusing to communicate and denying their target any explanation.

What does a narcissist want?

A narcissist wants the target of their abuse - and be assured without a doubt that their “silence IS abuse” - to reach out, beg and plead for their very existence to be recognized. This is exactly what I did the first half of our relationship. I was so desperate for him to speak to me and show me attention.

What is a narcissist's mentality?

Avoidance, control, disempowerment and/or punishment for some “perceived” slight that their target may or may not be aware of. Narcissists are completely aware of their actions and how they are making the other person feel. But, in their sick, twisted minds they actually believe that somehow their loved one deserves it. Their emotional maturity is very typical of a small child who sulks and storms off until they get what they want.

What is passive aggressive behavior?

This passive aggressive behavior is usually a repetitive form of emotional abuse which the narcissist will practice and perfect time & time again with each episode of silence often lasting a little longer than the one before. This is intentional manipulation and it conditions the target for future mind control.

How do you deal with the silent treatment of a narcissist?

Not only is it emotionally exhausting, but it makes you feel like you’re completely worthless, and it can make you feel like you’re losing your mind! So what are you supposed to do when you’re the victim of the silent treatment?

What is the narcissist’s silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks, or even months to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause severe emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.

What is avoidance tactic?

In avoidance, the person using the silent treatment would be most likely.

Why do people use silent treatment?

A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to see that they’re angry or upset. Many narcissists use this kind of silent treatment, but it’s not only a narcissistic behavior.

How to heal from narcissistic abuse?

Awareness is the first step on the road to healing from narcissistic abuse, and that means avoiding recreating the type of environment which will allow these toxic people to flourish in our lives again. Believe it or not, this is just one of the many signs of gaslighting and emotional abuse you’ll notice if you’re in a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist.

What is the playbook move of a narcissist?

Keep in mind that one of the narcissist’s playbook moves is to isolate you from others in your life – the silent treatment will make you want to oblige in some cases, and you might even end up isolating yourself.

Can a narcissist take the spotlight?

The silent treatment enables a narcissist can take the “spotlight” from you – even inside your own head. It is one way they can sort of become the center of your life. Their goal is to cause you to become so obsessed with figuring out what to do to resolve it that you might even stop thinking about yourself, which can lead to your boundaries being violated one by one until the narcissist has complete control over you. You would naturally stop attempting to take care of yourself in the process because you’re so focused on the narcissist.

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