Does the silent treatment really work?
We now have pretty conclusive evidence from dozens of country and state studies that lockdowns were a highly ineffective way to combat the virus. Lockdowns may have saved some lives, but this response was the equivalent of trying to remove a tumor with a sledgehammer.
What is the best way to handle the silent treatment?
How to respond to the silent treatment with dignity
- Present your partner or spouse with the research They need to know there’s good evidence that ignoring you is endangering the future of your relationship.
- Write them a letter Base it on the information in my article on how to avoid constant arguments. ...
- If it’s an abusive relationship – leave
When you should use the silent treatment?
The silent treatment will be effective only and only when used as a means to create just enough space for allowing both partners to work through their own emotions, gather their thoughts and revisit a point of contention more pragmatically.
How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?
- Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
- Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
- Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
- Do not undermine yourself. ...
- Do not excuse the behavior. ...
- Do not broadcast. ...
- Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...
What is the silent treatment in psychology?
The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with another person. People who use the silent treatment may have trouble communicating pain. When the silent treatment becomes a pattern, it can be abusive.
What type of manipulation is the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.
Is the silent treatment Gaslighting?
“The silent treatment is the ultimate gaslighting because it denies the reality of you, of your humanity,” Sarkis says.
Is silent treatment a form of control?
Silent treatment abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person refuses to communicate with you in order to control or influence your behaviors. Taking time to cool down after an argument is healthy, but shutting off communication for a long time, especially in order to control another person, is a form of abuse.
Is silent treatment narcissistic?
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.
Is ignoring someone a form of emotional abuse?
Share on Pinterest Refusing to communicate verbally with another person can be a form of emotional abuse. People use the silent treatment for a number of reasons. These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict.
Why is the silent treatment so hurtful?
It can be extremely painful, as it involves the loss of the relationship as you know it. It involves the loss of connection, love, intimacy, and maybe even family participation, so can create real suffering around the silent person. It can also feel unfair and unkind, leading to anger and further fighting.
How do you deal with the silent treatment with dignity?
Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.
What is stonewalling in a relationship?
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or refuses to interact with another person.
Is silent treatment a red flag?
The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.
How do you make a narcissist miserable?
How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 12 Things They Can't Stand Ignore them. Act indifferent toward them. Tell them how happy you are. Speak in facts, not emotions. Set boundaries and stick to them. Tell them no. Give them an ultimatum for commitment. Push them to answer to authority.More items...•
How do you break a silent relationship?
10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
How to deal with emotional abuse?
Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?
The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...
What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?
When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.
Can laughing at someone incite them?
Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is emotional abuse. When a victim is in a relationship with a person who causes the above mentioned distress, her mind and body remember how upsettingand anxiety provoking theprevioussilent treatment occurrences were.
Why is silent treatment not blatant?
The only person who really feels the silent treatment is the target. The person giving the silent treatment is not being overtly aggressive, abusive, or unkind in any visible way. This keeps himlooking “good” and reasonable.
Who said "Codependent no more"?
Melody Beattie, the Codependent No More author, has a great line for when a codependent doesn’tlike what the addict in herlife is doing. I think the quote is perfect for those dealing with the silent treatment. I recommend that you make it your own; it is: ” Celebrate the ‘no’!
What is silent treatment?
As its name indicates, the silent treatment is something that’s done to somebody. It’s done on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, “I don’t like what you did.”. In contrast, while estrangement often feels punitive when you're on the receiving end, punishment is not necessarily the intent.
Do people who detach and go silent still give the silent treatment?
More correct would be that the person is giving the silent treatment because they are detaching. But the silent treatment is only one form of detaching.
Is the pain of estrangement short lived?
The pain of the experience may be intense, but it’s short-lived. There’s the conviction that “this will be over one day,” making it psychologically manageable, albeit very unpleasant. The pain of estrangement is also intense, but it’s potentially an ache without a cure. Eventual relief is a hope, not a given.
Is self protection a silent treatment?
The excuse/reason of self-protection may make estrangement seem more palatable than the silent treatment. But it's still the silent treatment, and it's still punishment regardless of whether or not it contains a hope for the other person to change, or the conclusion that they will never change.
Is estrangement a silent epidemic?
Estrangement is a silent epidemic affecting all kinds of people. The antidote, for many, is better communication. Children should never learn what the silent treatment is, or how to apply it, or what it feels like to be on the receiving end.
What is silent treatment?
The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse. The silent treatment is your partner's way of telling you that you have done something wrong. As a consequence of this, he refuses to acknowledge or communicate with you. This is passive-aggressive emotional abuse.
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). A person may also use the silent treatment to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions or to suppress a partner's attempts at asserting self-worth. Additionally, he may be employing the silent treatment predominantly due to a lack of ability to properly communicate. Most likely though, it's attributable to a combination of the above factors.
Is refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair a healthy activity?
As Schulman notes, 'Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won'. Taking time out of a relationship can be a healthy activity, if done in the correct way and with the correct intent. You do it to save the relationship and not jeopardise it.
Is it normal to be silent?
Answer: It is never normal to be subjected to the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. However, don't confuse this with periods of 'cooling off' or taking 'time out.'. It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree and need some time alone to reflect and gather their thoughts.
Is silent treatment a form of abuse?
Answer: Yes, the silent treatment is a type of emotional abuse. Also, him referring to you as being, 'mentally ill,' is another form of abuse, commonly referred to as 'gaslighting.'. The latter can have serious implications for your emotional well-being. Remember, it is perfectly natural for couples to argue.
Why do people use silent treatment?
The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.
How long does silent treatment last?
In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
Why is silent treatment so insidious?
The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn’t know why they’re apologizing. “It’s especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.
How long was the silence of a wife?
A wife whose husband severed communication with her early in their marriage. “She endured four decades of silence that started with a minor disagreement and only ended when her husband died,” Williams said. Forty years of eating meals by herself, watching television by herself—40 years of being invisible.
When did Kipling Williams study silent treatment?
Getty / Adam Maida / The Atlantic. March 26, 2021. Kipling Williams has studied the effects of the silent treatment for more than 36 years, meeting hundreds of victims and perpetrators in the process: A grown woman whose father refused to speak with her for six months at a time as punishment throughout her life.
What does it mean to voice the pain of being ignored?
To “voice the pain of being ignored” is a constructive way of expressing one’s feelings, and may elicit a change if the relationship is truly founded on care, Margaret Clark, a psychology professor at Yale, told me in an email.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating.
How to respond to silent treatment?
Here are some ways to respond to the silent treatment. 1. Take Time to Cool Off. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was preceded by an argument, fight, or emotional outburst.
What does it mean when your partner is silent?
In some cases, the silent partner is attempting to escape another toxic dynamic. If you are trying to force them to change or do things your way, you're giving them a reason to withdraw. If you criticize them as a person or assigning blame instead of focusing on finding solutions, you're contributing to the dynamic. If you let yourself feel like a victim, get depressed, or pout, you must recognize that you've been engaging in control tactics, too, and pledge to stop.
How to deal with a silent spouse?
Give Your Partner Space to Think. Avoid trying to figure out what your silent partner or spouse is thinking. You're not a mind-reader. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of communication. If you do their thinking for them, they won't learn how to be direct when sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Is silent treatment a form of ostracism?
If you're on the receiving end, it's important that you know that no one, male or female, should accept the silent treatment as an acceptable behavior. You don't deserve it.
Can you accept a situation completely?
Answer: Well, you have only a couple of options. You can accept it completely, to the degree that it truly doesn't bother you at all. You can leave the situation entirely. You can struggle with trying to accept it only to find yourself feeling resentful and angry.
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.
How to win silent treatment?
1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.
What to do if you are silent?
If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.
What is selfish treatment?
The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.
How to get rid of the silent treatment?
2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.
What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?
If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.
Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?
At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.
Is the silent treatment good?
No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.
