The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be very frustrating. This form of abusive behaviour is about gaining a sense of control by avoidance, silence, and/or disempowerment. For a covert narcissist, it can be a way of expressing anger or envy.
Full Answer
What does it mean when a narcissist gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be very frustrating. This form of abusive behaviour is about gaining a sense of control by avoidance, silence, and/or disempowerment. For a covert narcissist, it can be a way of expressing anger or envy.
Is the Silent Treatment an acceptable response to a conflict?
Though the silent treatment is not an acceptable response to a conflict, many people resort to the tactic when they feel like they aren't being heard in the first place.
When does the silent treatment become a form of abuse?
1.When theabuser (and make no mistake–the silent treatment is a form of abuse) gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you for a period of time because you refuse to acquiesce to his or her demands. T his is manipulating you with silence.
Is the silent treatment a form of punishment in a relationship?
It is perfectly natural for couples to disagree and need some time alone to reflect and gather their thoughts. This is used to resolve problems in a relationship, whereas the silent treatment is used as a form of punishment.
What happens when you go silent on a narcissist?
If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.
Does silent treatment affect a narcissist?
Often, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control.
How do you respond to passive-aggressive silent treatment?
How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.
Is silent treatment passive-aggressive?
Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.
How do you outsmart a narcissist silent treatment?
7:5112:05How to Outsmart Narcissists Silent Treatment End the Pain TodayYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipBut you're allowed to stay healthy. And to engage in behaviors that make you feel proud of yourselfMoreBut you're allowed to stay healthy. And to engage in behaviors that make you feel proud of yourself that make you feel empowered. So you observe it and you respond.
What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?
Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
How long should the silent treatment last?
Agree how long you will take to recover. Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.
Should you ignore passive-aggressive behavior?
The most effective approach is to ignore the behavior and pretend you don't notice it. If it doesn't appear to affect you, there is not much in it for them, and they may stop the behavior because of your lack of a reaction.
What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behavior?
Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship. Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond.
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Does the silent treatment mean you have been discarded by the narcissist?
Silent treatment vs silent discard People with narcissistic tendencies tend to see others as objects to meet their needs and will discard them when it is no longer met or the person adds no value. Their pattern of relationship is to idealise, devalue and then discard. The silent treatment is a temporary discard.
What zodiac signs are passive-aggressive?
The Most Passive-Aggressive Zodiac Sign, According to AstrologersLeo. Leo is a quick-to-get-heated sign who wants to be in the spotlight. ... Aquarius. Aquarius is extremely smart and quick-witted, unafraid to get into a heated discussion if and when needed. ... Cancer. Cancers have been reincarnated with the gift to feel. ... Taurus.
What is it called when you interact with a narcissist?
If you have ever interacted with a person who exhibits strong narcissistic or other dark personality traits, you have likely experienced what is known as the silent treatment .
Who can use the silent treatment?
Indeed, the silent treatment can be used by just about anyone, including family members, significant others, friends, coworkers, or even by people who just met each other. You might be surprised who may use it: your elderly aunt, the salesperson at a clothing boutique, a person you once considered your best friend, and so on.
What happens when you silently treat someone?
The point is that the silent treatment results in the victim focusing on themselves and their behavior instead of the behavior of their abuser. Their abuser shifts blame, or shifts focus away from themselves, causing their victims great emotional distress to the point where they will take responsibility for things that they are not responsible for, leaving them confused and in a state of cognitive dissonance.
What is the difference between silent treatment and time out?
The silent treatment, on the other hand, is destructive, indefinite, contemptuous, unilateral, and meant to alleviate the abusers sense of responsibility and allocate all the blame onto the victim. It is a manipulation tactic.
Why is silent treatment harmful?
The silent treatment, while sometimes seemingly harmless when talking about it, can be a highly damaging and effective form of manipulation, coercion, and control used by toxic people. It is common, even though many victims feel alone and like they cant talk about it because no one will believe them or understand.
What is an example of a child doing something the parent disapproves of?
A child does something the parent disapproves of, often a very minor thing, and the parent starts ignoring them as punishment. It can involve withdrawing attention, ignoring the childs needs, stopping verbal communication, avoiding eye contact, or avoiding any engagement with the child.
Why is it important to not talk during a time out?
Instead, a time-out just allows people to gather their thoughts and calm their emotions so that they can re-approach one another in a loving and healthy manner at a later time. The time-out is meant to cause clarity and calmness , while the silent treatment results in ambiguity, confusion, and distress.
The weapon that erases you
You may feel crazy. You wonder what’s wrong. What did you do? The passive-aggressive won’t tell you. That’s his/her power. And there’s nothing you can do. If you hand silence right back, the passive-aggressive will pretend to care, will ask what’s wrong and if you dare to tell him or her, a huge denial (but not an apology or a change) will result.
The silent treatment is a way to control you
Did your mother ever put you in the corner, or refuse to talk to you until you apologized for some wrong-doing? Mine did. Sometimes I didn’t know what I had done wrong, so I had to keep apologizing until I found the right thing. My mom didn’t suddenly start talking to me again.
Posted by Leslie Glass
Leslie Glass became a recovery advocate and co-founder of Reach Out Recovery in 2011, encouraged by her daughter Lindsey who had struggled with substances as a teen and young adult.
What is the silent treatment narcissists use?
Narcissists are fond of using the Silent Treatment as a cruel (but not unusual) punishment for you doing nothing wrong at all and, from experience, I can tell you that the affect of this method of passive-aggressive control is sheer torture. The first time it happened to me, I felt as lost, sad, and helpless as the puppy in the picture.
How long does silent treatment last?
Each silent treatment would last anywhere from two to three days to six weeks to six months before he hoovered back or before my begging at his door and endless onslaught of desperation letters forced him to give in. The Silent Treatment, for my ex and for many others, is a powerful narcissistic ploy and/or tactic and it gets the point across.
What does silence mean?
The silence is meant to hurt you. It is meant to teach you a lesson. And, make no mistake, the silence is always a way for the narcissist to buy himself some free time for being with someone else or for hustling up new sources of supply.
Is it normal to use silent treatment?
Understand that a partner using the Silent Treatment for any type of punishment – let alone one for a crime not committed – is not normal under any circumstances. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it is just one more requirement he has filled in the overall pathological relationship agenda. No one ever deserves to feel unworthy of attention or undeserving of love and loyalty. No one …not even one time.
Does silent treatment suck?
No matter how he goes about it or why it happens or when it happens, the Silent Treatment always sucks. The fact that the victim of a narcissistic partner rarely knows why they are receiving the silent treatment only compounds the mental torture.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...
What does it mean when an abuser gives you the cold shoulder?
3.When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not even tellyou what it is that you’ve said or done, leaving you powerless to make an apology. This is punishing and disempowering you with silence.
What to say when your spouse refuses to speak to you?
Your spouse refuses to speak to you or stomps around answering you in curt, clipped one-word answers. When you ask what’s bothering them, they say: If you cared about me/loved me, you’d know what’s bothering me. If you cared you’d apologize for what you did. Or they say nothing at all. 4.
How to make someone not take themselves so seriously?
Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation. If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren’t taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously.
What to tell someone to stop?
Another response that might get the person to stop is to tell him that his behavior appears immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. It’s best to do this if you truly do not feel affected by his behavior and can even laugh it off.
Is silent therapy good for couples?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy might be helpful.A couples therapist who is skilled in these methods might be a good choice.
Can you change your behavior in Psych Central?
The main thing is to develop a strong sense of self and not let it get to you. Remember, you can only change your behavior, not anyone else’s. Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication.
What Is the Meaning of the Silent Treatment?
If you think that your partner not speaking to you for days on end is normal, then think again. Whilst silence can be used in a productive manner—such as following a breakup or during a period of cooling off—prolonged periods of unresponsiveness within intimate relationships are not normal or healthy.
Why do people use the silent treatment?
People generally resort to using the silent treatment as a means of placing them in a position of control (often because they feel helpless in the face of their situations, their feelings, etc.). A person may also use the silent treatment to avoid personal responsibility for his own actions or to suppress a partner's attempts at asserting self-worth. Additionally, he may be employing the silent treatment predominantly due to a lack of ability to properly communicate. Most likely though, it's attributable to a combination of the above factors.
How to handle similar situations?
You can even come up with agreed-upon terms for those situations, such as 'red light for an hour'. These can work wonders when it comes to both parties feeling respected in their wishes and needs.
What is emotional abuse?
This includes things like your partner belittling your emotions so as to make them seem silly or inconsequential, forbidding you from hanging out with your friends or barring you from spending time with anyone else at all, or expecting you to drop everything and help them whenever they demand you to. It can also include impossible expectations that can never be met no matter what you do. Or the incessant invalidating of your experience, perceptions, viewpoints, feelings and needs.
What does it mean when your partner is ignored?
In doing so, your partner is attempting to induce feelings of powerlessness and shame. This is known as psychological or emotional abuse.
Is silent treatment a form of abuse?
Answer: Yes, the silent treatment is a type of emotional abuse. Also, him referring to you as being, 'mentally ill,' is another form of abuse, commonly referred to as 'gaslighting.'. The latter can have serious implications for your emotional well-being. Remember, it is perfectly natural for couples to argue.
Is it normal to be subjected to silent treatment?
Answer: It is never normal to be subjected to the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse.
What is the narcissist’s silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks, or even months to punish you for some perceived slight. It can cause severe emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.
How do you deal with the silent treatment of a narcissist?
Not only is it emotionally exhausting, but it makes you feel like you’re completely worthless, and it can make you feel like you’re losing your mind! So what are you supposed to do when you’re the victim of the silent treatment?
What is avoidance tactic?
In avoidance, the person using the silent treatment would be most likely.
Why do people use silent treatment?
A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to see that they’re angry or upset. Many narcissists use this kind of silent treatment, but it’s not only a narcissistic behavior.
How to heal from narcissistic abuse?
Awareness is the first step on the road to healing from narcissistic abuse, and that means avoiding recreating the type of environment which will allow these toxic people to flourish in our lives again. Believe it or not, this is just one of the many signs of gaslighting and emotional abuse you’ll notice if you’re in a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist.
What is the playbook move of a narcissist?
Keep in mind that one of the narcissist’s playbook moves is to isolate you from others in your life – the silent treatment will make you want to oblige in some cases, and you might even end up isolating yourself.
Can a narcissist take the spotlight?
The silent treatment enables a narcissist can take the “spotlight” from you – even inside your own head. It is one way they can sort of become the center of your life. Their goal is to cause you to become so obsessed with figuring out what to do to resolve it that you might even stop thinking about yourself, which can lead to your boundaries being violated one by one until the narcissist has complete control over you. You would naturally stop attempting to take care of yourself in the process because you’re so focused on the narcissist.
What is the technique used by a narcissist to manipulate their partner?
4. Triangulation . A covert narcissist can use a form of manipulation called triangulation as well. Triangulation is a passive-aggressive manipulation technique used in order to trigger negative feelings in their partners such as jealousy and insecurity.
What is narcissism characterized by?
Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of own importance, lack of empathy and an unhealthy need for admiration and validation. In my article explaining NPD, you can read more about the 9 criteria of NPD. Reading this first can be useful if you want to learn more about narcissistic personality disorder in general before going into the covert narcissist subtype.
How to tell if a narcissist is a covert narcissist?
A sign of a covert narcissist could be hostile joking at the cost of others. It can be disguised as sarcasm or more passive-aggressive as jokes followed by ‘ just kidding ’. Mostly, the jokes or teasing will be repetitive and a red flag is thus when it’s done continuously. It can be very painful and a form of bullying.
Why do narcissists avoid socializing?
A covert narcissist could thus avoid socializing in order to stay away from comparing themselves to others, feeling envy, fear, or being anxious. As a result of the above, some covert narcissists focus on antisocial and self-absorbing hobbies and work.
Why do narcissists use guilt?
A covert narcissist could use guilt to manipulate others. A narcissistic parent could use guilt in order to manipulate their children , especially when the child is trying to create some independence. This guilt could be triggered by passive-aggressive behaviour, self-pity, or showing frustration.
How do narcissists seek validation?
A narcissist has a need for admiration and attention, and a covert narcissist could seek this validation by putting themselves down and seeking reassurance. When self-esteem is based upon others, one will search for validation, recognition and compliments.
Why do narcissists criticize others?
Therefore, they’re likely to criticize others, gossip, or put others down. As there is a lack of empathy, they have no trouble to address adults as if they are a child or disregard the feelings and needs of others. All this behaviour clearly leads to negative energy surrounding this person.