Full Answer
What is the silent treatment in a divorce?
Jul 13, 2016 · My ex husband used to give me the silent treatment. I learned from him that his mm used to do it to his dad and sometimes the whole family. It was a shock to me when I got married, I had not seen that before and I remember it being very painful and confusing. The worst was when my ex refused to talk to me the first 4 days of a 7 day trip to Cuba.
How to deal with a silent husband who won't talk to you?
Feb 07, 2022 · It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form...
Should I reward my husband for giving me silent treatments?
Mar 04, 2020 · Things to AVOID Doing When Your Wife Wants a Divorce. Your 3 Options When Your Wife Wants a Divorce. Option #1: Comply with Her Request. Option #2: Attempt Martial Repair. Option #3: Resist and Delay the Process. What to do When Your Wife Wants a Divorce But You Don’t. How to Change Your Wife’s Mind About Divorce.
Why does my partner give me the silent treatment?
Jan 01, 2016 · It was understandable. The silent treatment should be reserved for an ex and not for those in a committed relationship. If you are in a committed relationship then the silent treatment will do more harm than good. But if you are moving on from an unhealthy relationship then by all means, give them the silent treatment to help yourself heal.
Is it healthy to give your spouse the silent treatment?
Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation. When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.Jun 1, 2020
Can silent treatment lead to divorce?
"And most of the research that we cited mentioned it as a pervasive and/or common struggle for married partners." Schrodt's study shows that demand-withdrawal, including the silent treatment, can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and even be a factor in divorce.Jan 14, 2015
How do I deal with my wife's silent treatment?
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...
Why do I give silent treatment to wife?
In general, the silent treatment “is a way to try and inflict emotional pain on someone as a consequence of feelings of anger or frustration,” explains relationship therapist Megan Harrison, LMFT. “Through withholding approval, they are non-verbally expressing that your actions and words are unacceptable.”Dec 7, 2021
Is the silent treatment disrespectful?
"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."Aug 3, 2014
Is silent treatment cruel?
The silent treatment can be deliberate and enacted with some pleasure and cruelty, which is why it is named as an aspect of abusive relationships, and a form of domestic violence. While some people might think that being silent is taking the high road, it can actually be the worst thing you can do.
How do you win the silent treatment?
Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.Apr 26, 2021
How long does the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.Mar 26, 2021
How do I stop the silent treatment?
If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches:Name the situation. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.Jun 8, 2020
What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?
Essentially, the narcissistic person's message is one of extreme disapproval to the degree that the silence renders the target so insignificant that he or she is ignored and becomes more or less nonexistent in the eyes of the narcissistic person.Jun 2, 2014
Why is the silent treatment so effective?
Why is using silent treatment in a relationship so effective? Because it helps you to reach a compromise often. If one person falls silent and disengages from the argument this not only helps in breaking away from the cycle of angry arguments it also helps to open a dialogue and reach a compromise.Nov 27, 2021
How do you break a silent relationship?
Backtrace your steps. Don't over assume. ... Make excuses for both parties. It'll be wrong to think you've done nothing wrong to deserve the unwarranted silence you're getting from your friend. ... Forgiveness. ... Understanding. ... Break the silence — talk softly.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.
Why is it so hard to break a pattern?
It’s an incredibly hard pattern to break because both partners lay the blame at the feet of the other. ‘Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,’ explains Schrodt. ‘Both partners see the other as the problem.’.
What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?
If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.
Is the silent treatment good?
No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.
Can you change your partner?
you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises.
What to do if your partner is silent?
If your partner is unwilling to change, you may want to consider your options including breaking off the relationship at some point.
Why do people use silent treatment?
Research. Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.
What is silent treatment?
Silent treatment is a flat-out refusal to ever discuss the issue —now or later. In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. When this happens, the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone.
How to get rid of a cold shoulder?
Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time. Refuse to talk, make eye contact, answer calls, or respond to texts. Fall back on the silent treatment when things don't go their way. Use it as a way to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior. Punish you with the silent treatment when you upset them.
How to use silence?
Use silence as a passive-aggressive way to control your behavior (e.g., you give in to demands or you avoid certain behaviors to avoid the silent treatment) Silence you when you attempt to assert yourself by refusing to talk. Use it as the primary means of dealing with conflict.
Is it good to be silent?
Sometimes remaining silent can be a positive thing, especially if it keeps people from saying things they might later regret. Other times, silence is an unhealthy reaction to something upsetting, but, with time, the silence subsides and the couple is able to work out some sort of resolution.
Is it acceptable to be silent in a relationship?
There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple, or even just one partner, may take a thoughtful timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. What distinguishes this silence from the silent treatment is that the timeout is mindful and there is an assumption or agreement that they will revisit the topic again later.
What is a divorce?
A divorce is a well-thought out decision made by two people. Actress and businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow called it a “conscious uncoupling.”. In other words, a divorce can be a split that is not overrun by anger and emotions, but rather a thoughtful decision made by you and your partner to each live better lives.
How many marriages end in divorce?
In such a situation, nobody will judge you. After all, 40-50% of marriages in the United States end in a divorce. A conscious uncoupling, done while working alongside your partner, can help with the process of dividing assets and helping your children through the process.
Is divorce for neighbors?
But, a divorce isn't for your neighbors; it's for you.
Is divorce better than separation?
If there’s abuse, drug use or alcoholism, infidelity, or a plain inability to overcome the past – then a divorce may be the better option. And, while separation is a viable option, it can put you at risk if your spouse is taking advantage of you financially.
Is there a one size fits all divorce?
There is no “one size fits all” for deciding a divorce. Whether it's a slow burn decision or a catastrophic action that triggers your separation, a divorce should be a positive step toward a better life for everyone – for you and your former partner.
What does cheating mean?
For example, cheating means different things to different people, and your feelings regarding your spouse’s behavior are valid. After all, infidelity does not always have to be physical – flirtation with others is seeking emotional validation outside of your spouse.
Is Maryland a no fault divorce state?
Maryland is a “no fault” divorce state. In court, you aren ’t required to prove any cause for divorce if you file a no-fault divorce. So, if you can’t prove abuse, infidelity, or other negative spousal behavior, you can still seek legal separation.
How long should a time out last?
Ideally, a time-out should last no longer than 24 hours and the one who called the time-out initiates the reconnect with the other spouse to say when he or she would be prepared to resume the discussion. The silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment.
What does it mean when someone is angry?
One person is angry or unhappy with something you have done or not done and instead of talking it through, there is a withdrawal of communication, attention, and care as a means of punishment. I remember one woman I worked with whose spouse did not speak with her for over a year despite her pleas to discuss things.
What is the Silent Treatment?
Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.
Why do people use the Silent Treatment?
Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.
Helpful Scripture
Scripture speaks clearly on this issue. The Apostle James instructs us: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” ( James 1:19 ).
Here are Five Steps to resolve "The Silent Treatment"
Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. We must do this carefully, however as we don’t want to give the pouter extra clout. We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively.
What to do when your wife wants divorce?
It is important to maintain a level head, keep your emotions in check, and stay calm. Think before acting, process before verbalizing, and take special care to avoid acting rashly ...
How to change your mind about divorce?
The only way to change her mind about divorce is to make changes in you. Be more attentive to her needs, listen better, and accept responsibility more. Take better care of your health, validate her concerns, and fully support her goals and dreams.
Why is individual therapy important?
Regardless of outcome, individual therapy would provide you with a safe and supportive outlet to help you move forward.
What to do if you are not ready to call it quits?
If you are not ready to call it quits and feel that the marriage can be saved, consider talking to your wife about delaying formal proceedings until you attend professional counseling.
How to avoid feelings?
Bottling or avoiding your feelings will come at great cost to your mental and emotional well-being. Seek support in family and friends without pressure to “take a side.”. Consider contacting a religious affiliation, a professional counselor, or a support group to assist you in deciding how you want to move forward.
Who is Tracy Smith?
Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS is a Licensed Professional Counselor in New Jersey, a Nationally Certified Counselor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor, and a mental health freelance writer. Tracy has fourteen years of clinical and supervisory experience in a variety of mental health settings and levels of care.
Can you argue during a divorce?
During negotiation, you have the right to argue any points that you are not in agreement with, pertaining to things such as spousal support, custody arrangements, or division of assets. This tactic can delay the divorce for an extensive length of time, but will result in continued litigation and legal fees.
What is the marriage.com course?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Is it too late to start a marriage?
A healthy marriage requires that both partners fulfill each other’s needs. It is not too late to start. When your wife wants a divorce, saving the marriage isn’t just about implementing the tips above. You can go through the motions, but that isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Is divorce imminent?
Many marriages have faced a time when a divorce seems imminent, and then after time passed, they were stronger than ever. Love is amazing, strange, and challenging all at once, and all relationships need work. Talks of divorce from your wife aren’t the i deal time to start putting in that work, but it’s now or never.