The Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) mother may rage when angry, but many times she may use silent treatments. The BPD mother uses the silent treatment to torture the child (ren) that she professes to love. The silent treatment is a very narcissistic example of the lack of emotional regulation of the BPD.
What is silent treatment from your mother?
Silent treatment is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. It’s meant as a punishment, and as such, it’s an instrument of control. The silent treatment often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and causes obsessive thinking. Depending on how close you are to your mother, it can put you in a state of excruciating mental agony.
Why do narcissistic mothers give the silent treatment?
Just like a toddler who throws a fit when she doesn’t get what she wants, a narcissistic mother gives you the silent treatment in an attempt to control you. It’s also a form of punishment. And what do you know? Your mother is the queen of silent treatments. It’s her favorite instrument of control.
Do Toxic Parents give their children the silent treatment?
A toxic parent will do this to their child of any age. I have read numerous accounts of and spoken to many people that have said their parent gave them the silent treatment when they were a young child and a teenager, and they still do it to them regularly well into adulthood.
Why does my husband give me the silent treatment?
Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
Why do parents give their children the silent treatment?
What does it mean when a parent says "silent treatment"?
Why is silent treatment different from other treatment?
What happens when a child is silently treated?
How to deal with toxic parents?
What is silent treatment?
How long does silent treatment last?
See more
Is it normal for your mom to give you the silent treatment?
We all have got the silent treatment from our parents and loved ones. You may even have given it to someone at some point in your life. Whether in a parent-child relationship or a romantic bond, silent treatment is thought to be the most harmless way of punishing another person.
What the silent treatment does to a child?
It affects the victim mentally, often making them feel unwanted and insignificant. As the silent treatment is being used, forced upon the victim, it damages the child emotionally to the point they cannot bear it and give all reason to the parent, to avoid any conflict.
What does it mean when your parents give you the silent treatment?
Read on to unravel more about this oft-used parenting tactic. What is silent treatment? Silent treatment is when a person refuses to talk or communicate with another person. People often use this gambit to get to a person, make them realise their mistake - a sort of a punishment.
What does the silent treatment say about the person doing it?
According to a 2012 study, people who regularly feel ignored also report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives. Because of this, the silent treatment can have an impact on the health of a relationship, even if the person who is silent is trying to avoid conflict.
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Is silent treatment a form of control?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
What does a narcissistic mother say?
Let's look at 10 things narcissistic mothers say and decode what they really mean. You're just too sensitive. -I won't be held accountable for the hurt you feel from my comments. Instead, I will imply there is something wrong with you rather than something hurtful about my comment.
How long should the silent treatment last?
Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.
How does ignoring a child affect them?
Ignoring usually helps stop behaviors that your child is using to get your attention. This includes behaviors like throwing tantrums, whining, and interrupting. When you are ignoring, you do not look at your child or talk to him.
Is silent treatment a red flag?
The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.
Why the silent treatment is toxic?
In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.
What Ignoring does to a person?
Research finds that feeling ignored can affect people's sensory perceptions, such as feeling that surroundings seem quieter. Being ignored creates feelings of self-doubt, feeling a lack of control, and feeling not worthy of attention.
When Your Parents Give You The Silent Treatment
I’m an aspiring therapist, and some of the younger clients report being emotionally dismissed by their parents. They appreciate the things that their parents do for them, such as paying the bills, working full time, providing them with a house, food, and shelter, but also often report feeling invalidated.
The Stark Reality
In some families, the silent treatment can be a surprising and unfortunate reality. Perhaps your parents do it from time to time, especially when there’s already a skewed power differential, where you have to follow the things that your parents say because it’s their rules and their house.
Children Internalize The Pain
Developing children are willing to keep the vitriol inside because they’re so worried about seeing the silent treatment ever again. That’s how profoundly sad they were — they hated it so much that they were willing to accept the pain of the situation, even if it was hard for them to process.
When Facing Silent Treatment
Seeing parents turning their backs, some children may learn to become too self-reliant and even push them away — even when the parents eventually parade them with hugs, kisses, and presents.
Final Thoughts
Even if you are at fault, just remember that you were a child and that you had no way of knowing that your parents were going to be this way with you. It did place a huge emotional burden on you, but at least you learned to keep your distance and somehow survived the situation, all in one piece.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
How to deal with emotional abuse?
Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?
The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...
What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?
If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.
What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?
When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.
Can I go to therapy with my spouse?
Getting your spouseto go to therapy with you may not always be possible, but if the relationships is important to them and you feel that their behavior is irreparably damaging it, you might be in a position to strongly encourage even demand it of them. If not, go to therapy on your own so you can learn how to handle their behavior in a way ...
Can laughing at someone incite them?
Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.
What is the silent treatment of a narcissist mother?
Remember, the silent treatment is a form of punishment. But what a narcissistic mother doesn’t understand is that by trying to punish you she is only punishing herself. 2. Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes a person question their reality.
What is the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. It’s meant as a punishment, and as such, it’s an instrument of control. The silent treatment often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and causes obsessive thinking.
What does it mean when your toxic mother triangulates you?
For example, your toxic mother triangulates you when she uses your sibling (third party) to manipulate you. She’ll tell them to ask you to do something when it’s her who wants that done.
How does your mother thrive amid ignorance?
Your mother thrives amid ignorance. The sooner you learn to recognize her manipulative behaviors , the better you’ll be at counteracting them, and the less power she will have over you. It’s not a solution (the only effective solution is no contact), but it’s a start. The start of you taking your power back.
What does it mean when your mother blames you?
When your mother habitually blames you (or others), she’s essentially projecting her own emotions onto you. It’s like she blames you for all the things she is, and does. Naturally, you’d feel offended and try your hardest to prove to your mother that she is wrong. If you do, you’re playing the “blame game” too.
How to stop gaslighting from a narcissistic mother?
That’s why the most radical thing you can do to counteract gaslighting from a narcissistic mother is deciding to trust yourself. Making that decision is the face of elaborate, convincing, or outrageous deception is no easy feat. Still, it’s the only real defense against gaslighting. Trust your truth, and stand by it.
What is a narcissistic mother?
A narcissistic mother is a master of covert warfare. She’s so good that half the time you’re not even sure what’s going on. But you’re smart. You’re catching on. Here are 5 manipulative tactics a narcissistic mother uses to get under your skin.
What is silent treatment?
Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.
Why is silent treatment important?
for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.
How does silent treatment affect relationships?
How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.
Why do people stay silent in a conversation?
These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.
What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?
Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.
How does silence end?
the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.
How to help someone with domestic violence?
talk privately with a trusted professional, such as a counselor or domestic violence advocate, who can discuss the person’s options in a safe space. seek advice and support from a domestic abuse organization, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love is Respect.
Why do parents use the silent treatment?
Why parents use the silent treatment. In romantic relationships, the silent treatment is used to avoid conflict, inflict punishment or because that person is frozen in silence, unable to communicate. For parent-child relationships, it's more often a result of parents feeling "overwhelmed and helpless", Ms James says.
What happens to a child during silent treatment?
During a period of silent treatment, a child will escalate their behaviour in some way. As they get older, he or she may also withdraw or do "desperate" things for attention, Ms James says. The silent treatment isn't just about silence. It can take on many forms, like not doing things you would usually do for someone. (.
What is the silent treatment in ABC Life?
ABC Life audience members share how the silent treatment can breakdown relationships between partners, siblings, parents, colleagues and friends. "Part of that motivation is to convey to the child that they, the parent, are very distressed and that the child has hurt them.
Is silent treatment considered emotional abuse?
The silent treatment can be considered emotional abuse if it's frequent and participants are not reflective, Ms James says. "If what happens in between is that you repair as opposed to sweeping it under the carpet, likely over time that behaviour will happen less," she says.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is emotional abuse. When a victim is in a relationship with a person who causes the above mentioned distress, her mind and body remember how upsettingand anxiety provoking theprevioussilent treatment occurrences were.
Why is silent treatment not blatant?
The only person who really feels the silent treatment is the target. The person giving the silent treatment is not being overtly aggressive, abusive, or unkind in any visible way. This keeps himlooking “good” and reasonable.
Who said "Codependent no more"?
Melody Beattie, the Codependent No More author, has a great line for when a codependent doesn’tlike what the addict in herlife is doing. I think the quote is perfect for those dealing with the silent treatment. I recommend that you make it your own; it is: ” Celebrate the ‘no’!
Why do parents give their children the silent treatment?
There are two main reasons why a parent would give their child/adult child the silent treatment: their parent is a narcissist or they are emotionally immature. The narcissistic parent likes to be in control at all times. They do not like it when you attempt to assert a bound ary, say no, or try to have your own mind and do things your own way.
What does it mean when a parent says "silent treatment"?
A parent will usually inflict the silent treatment as a response to: You confront them about an issue. You ask them to take responsibility. You try to assert a boundary or say ‘No’ to them. You do something they don’t want you to do or they think you shouldn’t do. You don’t do something they think you should do.
Why is silent treatment different from other treatment?
Silent treatment is different for a few reasons. The toxic parent doesn’t tell you that’s what they are doing, they just disappear. They are choosing not to communicate with you entirely, which means they have no intention of cooling off for a short period of time and continue talking later and resolving the issue.
What happens when a child is silently treated?
Children and adult children that have experienced the silent treatment from their parent will often be desperate for love, affection, attention and validation and they will search for it from others, often leading to dangerous situations and other toxic relationships.
How to deal with toxic parents?
Set healthy boundaries with them, which might mean distancing yourself and spending less time with them. Keep the relationship at a casual level.
What is silent treatment?
Remember that silent treatment is emotional abuse and a manipulation tactic to get you to change, and prevent you from growing and setting healthy boundaries. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated and abused. Don’t beg them to speak to you or promise to change.
How long does silent treatment last?
Also known as stonewalling, the cold shoulder and ghosting, giving someone the silent treatment means that one person has stopped talking and communicating to another person and it can last for hours, days, weeks, months or even years. The silent treatment can include: Refusing to talk altogether. Avoiding discussions.
