if someones is giving u the silent treatment what do you do?

Full Answer

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

How long to give someone the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is about punishment and control. It may begin in a subtle fashion and there is frequently no discernible trigger for it. Question: Who could give 9 hours silent treatment in a car? Answer: It's not beyond the realms of possibility. It all depends upon the individuals and their underlying motives.

When someone gives you the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a rejection of you and threatens the bond. It is psychologically and emotionally difficult to tolerate. Sociopaths use the silent treatment to exert power and control over you — and it works. You feel like you’re a failure and not worth talking to.

Why is my Friend giving me the silent treatment?

When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.

How do you confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment?

7 Useful Ways to Confront Someone Giving You the Silent Treatment...Question Your Own Behavior.Rehearse What You Are Going to Say.Speak in Private.Write Them a Letter/E-mail.Use Humor.Pay Attention to Your Tone.Act in a More Assertive Manner.

Should you confront someone giving you the silent treatment?

If someone is giving you the silent treatment, you can confront them by having a calm and honest conversation. Ask them to speak in a private place, like a park bench or quiet coffee shop, so you won't get distracted. As you talk, tell them you value your relationship and express how their silence makes you feel.

What does it mean when someone gives you silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with another person, a way of withholding connection. It can be a spouse who stops talking after a fight or a displeased parent who refuses to speak or make eye contact with a child.

How long should the silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

What to do if someone is not talking to you?

Don't speculate about why she isn't talking to you in the note. If you're wrong you could make your friend feel worse. Instead, say something like: “I haven't heard from you and want you to know whatever happened that I'm your friend and if you need me to listen, just let me know.”

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

Is silent treatment a red flag?

The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.

Is silence the best revenge?

Silence speaks volumes The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?

Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

Why is silent treatment important?

for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.

How does silent treatment affect relationships?

How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.

Why do people stay silent in a conversation?

These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

How does silence end?

the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.

What to do if someone feels they are in danger?

If a person feels that they or their family are in immediate danger, they must call 911. If they are not in immediate danger, a person who believes that their partner is abusive should consider whether or not they wish to stay in the relationship. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to:

What to say when someone gives you the silent treatment?

What to Say When Someone Is Giving You the Silent Treatment. There are few things more alienating than being in a relationship with someone who won’t speak to you. The constant stonewalling can feel maddening; when someone gives you the silent treatment, it’s easy for your mind to run amok, racing through frantic thoughts about what you did wrong. ...

What does silent treatment do to humans?

As Joel Cooper, a psychology professor at Princeton told The Atlantic earlier this year, the silent treatment deprives human beings of one of their most basic, instinctual needs.

Why do different personality types use the silent treatment?

Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.

What does abuse end with?

Some of the hallmarks of abuse end with the victim apologizing or changing their ways just to break the wall of silence. Healthline explains: It’s a frequent occurrence and is lasting for longer periods. It’s coming from a place of punishment, not a need to cool off or regroup.

Why do people stop verbal communication?

There’s no universal reason why someone might cease all verbal communication, but an underlying facet of the silent treatment is that when it occurs , it’s more due to the silent person’s own issues than anything else. Daryl Austin writes in The Atlantic that different personality types use the silent treatment for different reasons: ...

Who said "The silent person cannot think of any other remedy"?

And as the psychologist Andrea F. Pollard wrote in Psychology Today, it might help you to think of the silent person on compassionate terms. Advertisement. She wrote: Consider that the one who uses the silent treatment cannot think of any other remedy.

Is silent treatment a behavioral tactic?

Advertisement. If it’s done with ill intention, then the silent treatment is a genuinely abusive behavioral tactic, often employed to get someone to feel bad or change their behavior for the abuser’s benefit. Fortunately, though, the silence can be broken. There are ways to navigate this kind of passive-aggresssive behavior with targeted ...

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?

When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

What to do if your boss has no sense of humor?

If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful! The main thing is to develop a strong sense of self and not let it get to you. Remember, you can only change your behavior, not anyone else’s.

Can you swim with a cut on your finger?

This can be tricky but rule number one is: Don’t go swimming in shark infested waters while you have a cut on your finger. One sniff of blood in the form of any weak or emotional response to the silent treatment and the narcissist will go for the kill. Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive.

Can I go to therapy with my spouse?

Getting your spouseto go to therapy with you may not always be possible, but if the relationships is important to them and you feel that their behavior is irreparably damaging it, you might be in a position to strongly encourage even demand it of them. If not, go to therapy on your own so you can learn how to handle their behavior in a way ...

Can laughing at someone incite them?

Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

It is possible to learn how to win the silent treatment. You just have to stay strong against the pressures of guilt and manipulation

In my younger years, the silent treatment caused me massive amounts of pain and suffering. I guess it was because I just hated when someone I loved wouldn’t talk to me. To understand how to win the silent treatment, however, I had to mature. I had to reach a place where this type of manipulation could not affect me any longer.

When Silence Rules

If the silent treatment is such an awful experience, why do we do it in the first place?

How to Deal With The Silent Treatment

So how can you deal with the silent treatment? The answer is deceivingly simple. You’re going to have to use your words (I know, ugh). Whether you are the person receiving or giving the silent treatment, there are actions you can take to start a conversation:

1. Name The Experience

You can avoid the silent treatment by compassionately acknowledging what you’re feeling. Avoid accusations or hostile language and try not to overthink it. I know for me, a simple “I know I’ve been quiet lately” or “Hey, I noticed you’re not responding to me” opens the door to healthier communication.

3. Suggest Next Steps

When I have to bring up any type of problem or issue in a situation, I try to always have next steps to bring to the table. This helps me keep the conversation focused and away from getting caught in the blame game.

What Harm Does The Silent Treatment Cause?

In some primitive societies, ostracism (which is a total exclusion–as if the person did not exist) can lead to death in some cases. While shunning & ostracism probably won’t kill you, it certainly can feel bad.

What is the Silent Treatment?

Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.

Why do people use silent treatment?

The person giving someone "the silent treatment" is trying to let their victim know they are displeased by taking their love away. Unfortunately what they are taking away is not their love. What is being taken away is their "approval" not love.

What is silent treatment?

The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them.

What is the purpose of exclusion and ignoring people?

Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realize the emotional or physical harm that is being done. — Kipling Williams, Professor of Psychology at Purdue University.

What is the silent treatment of emotional abuse?

No discussion of emotional abuse through words would be complete without including the absence of words as a form of abuse. This is commonly known as "the silent treatment". Abusers punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the abusers communicate their displeasure, anger, frustration, ...

What is the silent treatment for narcissism?

The Silent Treatment [Types of Emotional Child Abuse Series, Part 1] – The Invisible Scar.

How to win with a toxic person?

The only way you can win with a toxic person is not to play. Avoiding someone or cutting someone out of your life who is a toxic person is not the same thing as the silent treatment. The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them. If a married couple throws in the towel and decides there is no other alternative than to get a divorce not talking may not be the silent treatment. It may just be not engaging a toxic person to do toxic behavior and is a means of self protection.

How does silent treatment make you feel?

How the Silent Treatment Makes Someone Feel. The silent treatment, even if it is brief , activates the anterior cingulate cortex- the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends, or enemies.

What is silent treatment?

The Silent Treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with someone who desires communication. The person using it may even refuse to acknowledge another person’s presence. Through silence, displeasure, anger, and frustration are hoped to be communicated.

How does it start?

This manipulative form of punishment is dated back to the 19th century. It was a sort of ‘treatment’ through silence. In 1835, as an alternative to physical punishment, prisoners were forbidden from speaking, were called by a number instead of their name, and were made to cover their faces.

Why do people engage in silent tretament?

The silent treatment could be used for several reasons, some of them include:

How to break silent treatment?

Sometimes going silent is a better way to avoid things that you might say and can’t take back. But if you’ve been giving the silent treatment to someone then it’s time to address the issue, explain yourself clearly, and also apologize.

What to do when someone gives it to you?

If you’ve ever received the silent treatment then please understand that it’s more about them than you. It’s difficult to be okay with someone close to you giving you the silent treatment. You’d be willing to do anything to get back in their good books. But this encourages them to repeat the problematic behavior whenever needed.