how to use the silent treatment effectively

Using Silence Productively

1. Avoid the conflict. One purpose of the silent treatment, at least by some people, is to avoid the conflict altogether.
2. Don't engage in tantrums. Whether from a child or from an adult, it never helps to engage a tantrum.
3. Keep from hurting or offending someone. If you feel triggered by someone's words or actions and really want to...

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What is the best way to handle the silent treatment?

Jun 05, 2018 · The silent treatment can work if you’ve stopped dating someone who keeps bothering you. However, I hope you’ll first have told that person kindly but firmly you don’t see a future in the relationship and have decided to break up. The only other time the silent treatment might be needed is if you’re dealing with an abusive ex. You may need to stop responding …

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

Don’t let the silent treatment last for over an hour. Even if you’re seething on the inside, calm yourself and communicate with your partner. #2 When you’re away from each other. If you’re at work or in a long distance relationship, don’t let the silent treatment stretch for over half a day. #3 If you’re too mad and need to be by yourself.

What is the purpose of giving someone the "silent treatment"?

Show that the silent treatment is no way to get what they want from you. 4. Offer solutions Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in …

Does the silent treatment really work?

The silent treatment is one means for himto keep his targetunder his control. Not only does it enable the abuser to control his target, it also enables him …

How do you win the silent treatment?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.Apr 26, 2021

Does giving someone the silent treatment work?

Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

What it says when you give someone the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.Mar 26, 2021

Why is silence the best revenge?

Silence speaks volumes Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.Sep 9, 2019

What is the benefit of silence?

Silence may improve concentration and focus Auditory stillness helps us focus. Freed from the external stimulus of noise, our brains can better concentrate on the task at hand. This can have benefits for our work, education, relationships, and more.Sep 23, 2021

How can the silent treatment backfire?

If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!Nov 18, 2014

Is giving the silent treatment immature?

At best the silent treatment isan immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulativeindividuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims.Jul 11, 2016

Is silent treatment toxic?

Why the Silent Treatment Is So Harmful When you're on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you may feel powerless, disrespected, invisible, frustrated, or angry — or you may cycle through all of these emotions. “Many people feel powerless because we as humans are inherently social creatures.Mar 10, 2021

What is silent treatment?

Ignore phone calls and messages. Another form of silent treatment is ignoring other types of communication, such as phone calls, emails, messages, and text messages. If you are giving someone the silent treatment, it can be effective to ignore these forms of communication, as well. Again, you can alert this person to your silence.

How to avoid conflict?

1. Avoid the conflict. One purpose of the silent treatment , at least by some people, is to avoid the conflict altogether. That is, any time the conflict is brought up, you refuse to talk about it. While this is not a productive way to handle all conflicts, you may want to handle certain situations through silence.

Can silent treatment hurt relationships?

Understand the silent treatment can hurt relationships. If you're regularly using the silent treatment against someone you love, it can damage the relationship. In fact, many psychologists consider it a form of abuse, as you are intentionally punishing the other person for something he or she has done.

Is it okay to say nothing?

Know that it's okay to say nothing. In some situations, words are not needed and even not appreciated. Especially if you may say something that either may not be helpful or make the situation worse, keep your words to yourself. You can avoid hurting someone’s feelings by simply not saying anything at all.

What is silent treatment?

By a simple definition, the silent treatment is the refusal of one person to talk to another person, especially after they’ve had an argument. The duration of the silent treatment varies from one relationship to another, and could even last for days, and at times… years!

What happens when you give silent treatment to your partner?

When you give the silent treatment to your partner, it’ll give you the time to reflect on the situation and also give you the time to think of the right questions you need to ask, and the right things to say about how you feel.

What happens when you are upset with your partner?

When you’re upset with your partner, it’s never easy to choose the right words to express yourself. Instead of explaining yourself, your mind would instinctively choose all the wrong words. And almost all the time, these wrong words you use in an argument would be the most hurtful ones. A relationship, as happy as it can be, ...

How long does silent treatment stretch?

Most silent treatments stretch on for days, especially if one partner is waiting for the other partner to apologize. But what do you do if both partners think they’re the one who’s right?!

Is silent treatment bad for a relationship?

At times, the silent treatment in a relationship isn’t all bad if you know to use it well. After all, it’s not really easy to plaster a happy smile on your face and talk to your partner calmly when you’ve just caught them with their knickers in a twist around their ankles and their legs in between someone else’s.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.

Why do people go silent?

But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

How to deal with emotional abuse?

Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.

Is silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?

Recognizing other types of emotional abuse. The silent treatment doesn’t always relate to emotional abuse. Some people lack effective communication skills or need to retreat into themselves to work things out. To emotional abusers, though, the silent treatment is a weapon of control.

Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?

While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.

Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?

The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

What is a narcissist?

The narcissist. The narcissist is a troubled and sad individual. Among their weapons of choice, like their other manipulation techniques, they also utilize the silent treatment. The narcissist, since they are void of all original inner substance, will use the silent treatment to further establish who they are.

What does it mean when someone ignores others?

People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

Who is Sherrie Hurd?

Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People use the silent treatment for a number of reasons. These include: 1 Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. 2 Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset. 3 Punishment: If a person uses silence to punish someone or to exert control or power over them, this is a form of emotional abuse.

Why do people use silence?

they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty. they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior.

How to deal with a person who is abusive?

Avoid becoming defensive or going into problem-solving mode. Try to stay present and listen empathically. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.

What are the types of emotional abuse?

demanding access to their phone, email account, and other digital information. deciding what they wear, eat, or drink.

How to help someone with domestic violence?

talk privately with a trusted professional, such as a counselor or domestic violence advocate, who can discuss the person’s options in a safe space. seek advice and support from a domestic abuse organization, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love is Respect.

What is the meaning of "controlling"?

controlling all their finances and spending. controlling whether or not they go to work or school. humiliating them in front of others or on social media. using intimidating behavior, threatening them, or giving them ultimatums. threatening to harm themselves, pets, or loved ones. gaslighting them.

Why do people use silent treatment?

This helps to diffuse the aggression that one person is feeling. 2. You can understand your partner better. People who use the silent treatment as a method of punishing their partner can stay silent for days building a wall around them and behaving that their partner doesn’t exist. This is terrible for a relationship.

Why is silence important in marriage?

Silent treatment could be beneficial and abusive too. Silent treatment in marriage is thought to be a way of punishing a partner and is akin to passive aggressive behavior. But it is not always as mean as it is made out to be.

Is dissociating a bad thing?

Dissociating is not always a bad thing as long as you have the right boundaries and reasons for it. The silent treatment can work wonders in relationships but interestingly it can resolve tensions with exes too. Why the silent treatment works with an ex is something you might be wondering.

Is silent treatment effective?

While prolonged silent treatment could lead to emotional abuse and is said to be as lethal as physical abuse having long-term psychological effects, it is often regarded as an effective tool for conflict resolution.

How to deal with a silent treatment?

Try to slow your breathing and relax your body. Remember that as you get to know people, relationships will take some effort. You are bound to rub each other the wrong way eventually. Let yourself be an observer of the situation rather than a participant. Staying calm will help you see the situation clearly and respond to your partner or loved one in an effective and supportive manner. You also don't want to fuel the juvenile tantrum of the silent treatment by showing that you are upset. The manipulator is trying to punish you, and seeing you upset will validate the effectiveness of their tool. If you stay calm, it will demonstrate not only the proper way to behave in a dispute but also that their abuse is not going to work on you.

Why do people give silent treatment?

If you can figure out why the person giving you the silent treatment is really angry then perhaps you can efficiently resolve the dispute. The person giving you the silent treatment might be trying to throw you off regarding the actual source of their emotions. Chances are, they don't actually want to talk about why they are mad because it is too uncomfortable for their ego to handle. Your spouse might give you the silent treatment claiming it is because you didn't hold the door open for them, but in reality, the underlying issue is their irrational fear of you leaving them behind. Abandonment issues are usually the cause of all silent treatments. The abuser is terrified of being abandoned, so he or she pushes people away before they themselves have a chance to be rejected. Often times, you will have to read between the lines to figure out why your loved one is trying to push you away. What was it that triggered that deep seeded insecurity.? If the source of pain is something you can fix, either through a legitimate apology for a legitimate wrongdoing or by reassuring them that they need not cling to their insecurities and that they are unconditionally loved, you may be able to resolve the conflict and end the silent treatment immediately.

How to overcome toxic cycles in a relationship?

To overcome toxic cycles in your relationship, you will need to guide your loved one by offering them healthier alternatives to express their insecurities. Let them know that it is safe for them to express their pain without having to inflict it in return.

How to avoid being emotionally abusive?

No matter how hard you try, and how strong your boundaries are, it may be impossible to avoid emotionally abusive individuals in your life. Your parents, children, or spouse may be irrational and difficult to deal with, but in the end, you need to stay true to yourself and remember that an abusive relationship is not worth investing your emotions into. Let your loved one know you love them but that you won't tolerate abuse. As you start setting your boundaries, you will begin to find yourself drawing healthier and happier people into your life. You will find yourself able to create more meaningful relationships. If the person is not someone you can cut out of your life, you still don't have to be shy about giving them space. Sometimes narcissistic children lash out for no reason to their parents. If you find yourself in relationships with difficult individuals that you cannot walk away from, you will have to learn that you cannot force someone to show that they love you. By loving yourself and maintaining your healthy boundaries, you will learn a difficult lesson: that it is OK to love someone and not receive love back from that person. It isn't the happiest thing to deal with, but when you let go of the need for that person to love you, it will free you from their ability to control, manipulate, and belittle you with the silent treatment, as well as other forms of abuse in relationships.

What to do if you did something wrong?

If you did something wrong, apologize, but never apologize if you did not actually do anything wrong. If you say sorry when you did nothing wrong, then you are validating the manipulative tactics of the abuser, and will surely guarantee a repeat of this behavior. Apologizing when you don't actually mean it also does nothing to reinforce your boundaries. The manipulator may try to convince you that you deserve their abuse because of something that you did. This is not true. Two wrongs never make a right. In the case that you wronged the person, you are responsible for apologizing, but your loved one is still in the wrong for using the silent treatment to punish you instead of informing you about their hurt feelings. If you did nothing wrong and your spouse or loved one is lashing out at you because you stumbled upon one of their insecurities, you do not have to apologize, nor should you. Remember to stay true to yourself and don't allow your loved one to abuse you because they are feeling upset.

How to use silent treatment?

How to Use the Silent Treatment to Discipline a Child 1 Make sure that you know which behavior you’re trying to modify before using the silent treatment for discipline. 2 Communicate to your child the reason for using the silent treatment. 3 Make sure that your child is in a place where they can be safe without supervision or prompts. 4 Remain as calm as possible. Silence shouldn’t be an act of anger.

Is silent treatment a discipline?

The silent treatment can be a viable form of discipline if it’s done with intention and in the service of behavior modification and self-preservation. And, yes, that assertion can feel at odds with parenting styles that place an emphasis on hovering or yelling to keep kids in line. But that’s kind of the point.