how to stpo giving the silent treatment

How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone.
3. Ignore it until it blows over. The silent treatment isn’t always meant...

Full Answer

What is silent treatment?

Why do people use silent treatment?

How to compromise a grievance?

What does it mean when you don't respond to someone?

What to do when someone is not listening to rational statements?

What to do if someone keeps engaging you?

Can you engage in tantrums?

See more

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What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

How long should the silent treatment last?

If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."

How is the silent treatment manipulation?

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

Why is silence so powerful?

Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.

What does the silent treatment say about a person?

According to a 2012 study, people who regularly feel ignored also report lower levels of self-esteem, belonging, and meaning in their lives. Because of this, the silent treatment can have an impact on the health of a relationship, even if the person who is silent is trying to avoid conflict.

Is silence a form of emotional abuse?

Silent treatment abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which a person refuses to communicate with you in order to control or influence your behaviors. Taking time to cool down after an argument is healthy, but shutting off communication for a long time, especially in order to control another person, is a form of abuse.

Is ignoring a form of emotional abuse?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.

Why is the silent treatment so hurtful?

It can be extremely painful, as it involves the loss of the relationship as you know it. It involves the loss of connection, love, intimacy, and maybe even family participation, so can create real suffering around the silent person. It can also feel unfair and unkind, leading to anger and further fighting.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

Is silent treatment narcissistic?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

When a Boss Gives You The Silent Treatment

by: Kayleen Shaefer Question: My boss doesn’t communicate with me. I sit three feet away, and she e-mails me about everything. I admire her drive, but she doesn’t include me in meetings or have confidence in me to do things. The company’s owner asked if he could get us an assistant and have me take […]

How to Deal with the Silent Treatment and Gain the Upper Hand

She says August 2, 2021 . Left a ‘friendship’ with a neighbour10 years ago Have had the silent treatment since. Dicovered she is Narcissist. It is a small closed community we live in She has recruited flying monkeys (very successfully) from the community and they give me the silent treatent too!(They also help recruit newflying monkeys) Yes I, can rationalise it but it has been very hard ...

What is silent treatment?

Ignore phone calls and messages. Another form of silent treatment is ignoring other types of communication, such as phone calls, emails, messages, and text messages. If you are giving someone the silent treatment, it can be effective to ignore these forms of communication, as well. Again, you can alert this person to your silence.

Why do people use silent treatment?

One purpose of the silent treatment, at least by some people, is to avoid the conflict altogether. That is, any time the conflict is brought up, you refuse to talk about it. While this is not a productive way to handle all conflicts, you may want to handle certain situations through silence.

How to compromise a grievance?

Work on a compromise together. Once you've both aired your grievances, take time to brainstorm a solution. Of course, that may mean you both need to compromise, which means you'll both have to give a little. To compromise, find your core concerns first. Then brainstorm ways to meet the needs with both of you benefitting.

What does it mean when you don't respond to someone?

When you choose not to respond to someone, you show that person that he or she does not have full control, and your actions are not dictated by anyone but yourself. While silence can be used to de-escalate a situation, it can also be used to manipulate others or make them feel powerless.

What to do when someone is not listening to rational statements?

If you notice someone reaching a point of inability to listen to rational statements, there's nothing you can say to respond well. Instead of intensifying the situation, take a step back and say nothing. You may try to explain things or make a defense for your actions. Many times it's best to say nothing and move on.

What to do if someone keeps engaging you?

If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time.

Can you engage in tantrums?

Don't engage in tantrums. Whether from a child or from an adult, it never helps to engage a tantrum. Tantrums serve to get attention or to manipulate a situation to go a certain way. Instead of engaging over-the-top behaviors, it's best to ignore them and not allow the behavior to have any emotional anchor on you.

I needed to grow up

Communication seems to be a dying art. With technology now, there are so many ways to communicate without saying anything. And yet, not saying anything can be the biggest mistake you make in your marriage.

The silent treatment creates distance instead of unity

Marriage involves a lot of decisions, big and small. The small ones may not seem like a big deal but each choice you make as a married couple, helps to prepare you for any of the bigger decisions that come your way.

It hurts more people than just your spouse

There were times my parents wouldn’t speak to each other for a week or two at a time. Picture a young child or a teenager trying to get through life and your role models aren’t speaking to one another.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What to do if your boss has no sense of humor?

If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful! The main thing is to develop a strong sense of self and not let it get to you. Remember, you can only change your behavior, not anyone else’s.

What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?

When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

Can I go to therapy with my spouse?

Getting your spouseto go to therapy with you may not always be possible, but if the relationships is important to them and you feel that their behavior is irreparably damaging it, you might be in a position to strongly encourage even demand it of them. If not, go to therapy on your own so you can learn how to handle their behavior in a way ...

Can laughing at someone incite them?

Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.

Why do people go silent?

But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

What to do when your spouse is silent?

If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.

How to deal with emotional abuse?

Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.

How does being ostracized affect your self esteem?

Research shows that frequently feeling ostracized can reduce your self-esteem and sense of belonging. It can leave you feeling like you’re without control. This effect may be more intense when it’s done by someone close to you as a form of punishment. know the signs.

What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?

When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.

Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?

While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

Why is silent treatment bad?

This decreases intimacy and trust between partners, and can cause anxiety and aggressive behavior. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to the problem.

What is easy to do is also easy not to do?

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

What happens if you are ignored?

Being ignored could cause you to behave in ways you might not normally― things like questioning and second-guessing yourself and others, lashing out, or doubting yourself and situations where you normally don’t. You might start to feel like you’re bothering the other person, or being too needy.

Why is it important to prepare yourself before a big show?

Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready. “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.”.

What happens if you don't act like yourself?

Realizing you aren’t quite acting like yourself could further feelings of guilt, loss of control, and uncertainty; since these feelings initiate a sense of threat to your survival, this may heighten any fight-or-flight reaction you may have. 5. It can destroy relationships. Often the issue here is with communication.

What are the emotions that come with being ignored?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness. [2]

Is it a strategy to ignore someone?

Ignoring someone is also not a strategy, it’s just a flat out disregard for someone else’s feelings. It might be hard to read what I have to say, based on my own experiences and some research on the various effects of the silent treatment. But I’m writing this because it’s so, so important.

What to do when your dog doesn't fall into your arms?

If they don’t fall immediately into your arms, a little down time is likely needed. Offer to listen when they are ready to talk. You can go to another room, out in the garage, or leave on an errand. The more productive your errand, the better.

Is the silent treatment fair?

But the silent treatment isn’t fair, and it’s harmful to both parties. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. The receiving end of the silent treatment isn’t easy either. You shouldn’t be a doormat.

What is silent treatment?

Ignore phone calls and messages. Another form of silent treatment is ignoring other types of communication, such as phone calls, emails, messages, and text messages. If you are giving someone the silent treatment, it can be effective to ignore these forms of communication, as well. Again, you can alert this person to your silence.

Why do people use silent treatment?

One purpose of the silent treatment, at least by some people, is to avoid the conflict altogether. That is, any time the conflict is brought up, you refuse to talk about it. While this is not a productive way to handle all conflicts, you may want to handle certain situations through silence.

How to compromise a grievance?

Work on a compromise together. Once you've both aired your grievances, take time to brainstorm a solution. Of course, that may mean you both need to compromise, which means you'll both have to give a little. To compromise, find your core concerns first. Then brainstorm ways to meet the needs with both of you benefitting.

What does it mean when you don't respond to someone?

When you choose not to respond to someone, you show that person that he or she does not have full control, and your actions are not dictated by anyone but yourself. While silence can be used to de-escalate a situation, it can also be used to manipulate others or make them feel powerless.

What to do when someone is not listening to rational statements?

If you notice someone reaching a point of inability to listen to rational statements, there's nothing you can say to respond well. Instead of intensifying the situation, take a step back and say nothing. You may try to explain things or make a defense for your actions. Many times it's best to say nothing and move on.

What to do if someone keeps engaging you?

If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time.

Can you engage in tantrums?

Don't engage in tantrums. Whether from a child or from an adult, it never helps to engage a tantrum. Tantrums serve to get attention or to manipulate a situation to go a certain way. Instead of engaging over-the-top behaviors, it's best to ignore them and not allow the behavior to have any emotional anchor on you.