How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your Spouse.
- 1. Don’t assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. The causes can be complex and varied. Assuming you can simply figure out what’s going on ...
- 2. Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate.
- 3. Be ready to listen, not just talk.
- 4. Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.
- 5. Practice the Golden Rule in how you respond.
Full Answer
When to give your spouse the silent treatment?
The silent treatment is a common game of emotional chicken that can be extremely debilitating to a marriage.Luckily, whether this is a rare thing in your relationship or a go-to defense mechanism, you can break through the invisible wall, address the real issue in the short-term, and work together to make the silent treatment a thing of the past. ...
Why does my husband give me silent treatment?
When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.
How to cope with silent treatment in marriage?
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- Embrace the break. The silent treatment often leads to some time apart. ...
- Show that you care. Although the silent treatment is annoying, try to see things through the person’s perspective.
- Apologize for your own wrongdoings. If you know you’ve said or done something hurtful, fess up. ...
- Get therapy. ...
What couples should know about the silent treatment?
Some common topics that may lead to the silent treatment are:
- Finances
- Kids
- Sexual intimacy
- Who you’re spending time around
- Work (hours, expectations, other co-workers)
How do you respond when your husband gives you the silent treatment?
How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.
Why do spouses give the silent treatment?
“Through withholding approval, they are non-verbally expressing that your actions and words are unacceptable.” Someone may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don't know how to explain themselves in a healthy manner.
What do you say to someone who gives you the silent treatment?
Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. That's not what you want or need in a relationship. Explain that you can't resolve issues this way, then be specific about those issues. If this sort of behavior is a relationship deal-breaker for you, state it plainly.
What does the silent treatment mean in relationships?
The silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, is when one partner withdraws from a relationship and refuses to communicate. (
How long should the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
How do you respond to emotional withholding?
Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.
How do you beat the silent treatment?
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment#1. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation. ... #2. Use the Sandwich Method. ... #3. Listen and Not Just Talk. ... #4. Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment. ... #5. Let Go of Your Grudge. ... #6. Be Strong. ... #7. Remember: The Recipient Doesn't Always Need To Initiate. ... #13. Think About Professional Therapy.
How do you break a silent relationship?
10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•
What to do when he goes silent?
6 Ways to Respond to the Silent TreatmentTake some time to cool off.Give your partner space to think.Don't apologize unless you're truly sorry.Apologize if you're truly sorry.Ask yourself whether it's just a personality difference.Set rules for healthy communication.
What should I do if my husband is ignoring me?
When Your Husband Ignores You: 7 Tips to Deal with itRe-Establish Communication. Communication is the most critical aspect when resolving any issues in a marriage. ... Give Him Some Space. ... Stay Positive. ... Avoid Arguing With Him. ... Analyze the Situation. ... Revive the Spark. ... Keep Yourself Busy.
Is ignoring someone a form of emotional abuse?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
Is silent treatment manipulation?
The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.
Why do people use silent treatment in marriage?
Some people use the silent treatment in marriage to deal with problems. They use it to cut the argument short or as leverage. To figure out the mechanics behind silent treatment in marriage and how to react to it, let us first understand the motivations behind it.
How to win against silent treatment?
Do something constructive such as going about your day. If you are thinking about how to win against the silent treatment, the best way is to give your partner space while preventing them from thinking that their psychological attack is working. Silent treatment emotional abuse is a form of attack.
What is silent treatment abuse?
It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. It is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm.
What are the psychological effects of silent treatment?
It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, paranoia, dependency, loss, and loneliness. It could potentially lead to anxiety and clinical depression. Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children.
Is silence fair in marriage?
Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, don’t do more or less than what you would usually do.
Can you cool down with your partner?
However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you. Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship.
Is silent treatment defense created equal?
Cruel as it may seem, not all silent treatment defense mechanisms are created equal. Like corporal punishment, its application, severity, and motivation determine the morality of the act itself. That in itself is debatable, but that is another topic for another time.
What does silent treatment mean in marriage?
It communicates a ton without saying a word, conveying things like anger, frustration, bitterness, manipulation, resignation, disappointment, and sorrow. But a long bout of the silent treatment can hurt a marriage and causes loneliness. The habitually silent spouse isolates the other, who becomes the lonely spouse.
Why is it important to deal with a silent spouse?
But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you.
What happens if your spouse doesn't explain your silence?
If your spouse hasn’t explained the silence, your assumptions can cause defensiveness, anger, and extended silence if you’re seen as oversimplifying or arrogant. 2. Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate.
How to encourage communication again?
Here are some things to understand and to do to encourage communication again. 1. Don’t assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. The causes can be complex and varied. Assuming you can simply figure out what’s going on in your spouse’s head and heart can be counterproductive.
Is passive aggressive silence a manipulation tool?
Understanding passive-aggressive silence. Silence can be a manipulation tool in the hands of a passive-aggressive spouse. And that can make everything more difficult. If you suspect that, click here to see our post on handling the passive-aggressive spouse.
Is complacency a destructive thing?
Complacency is so destructive in marriage. If you are feeling worn down by the loneliness and the silence, find friends and family who will encourage you and hold you up.
Is it hard to empathize with someone who is hurting you?
Empathy is hard to do, especially for someone who you feel is hurting you. If you want their sympathy for your loneliness more than you want to empathize with and understand their pain, you are probably encouraging the silent treatment.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
How to deal with emotional abuse?
Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?
The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.
Why does my spouse give me the silent treatment?
Making assumptions about what’s going on in your spouse’s head and heart can be counterproductive. If your spouse hasn’t explained the silence, your assumptions can cause defensiveness, anger, and extended silence if you’re seen as oversimplifying or arrogant.
Why is it important to deal with silent spouses?
But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you. Don’t use the golden rule as a manipulation; simply put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and think before speaking.
Is it hard to empathize with someone who is hurting you?
Empathy is hard to do, especially for someone who is hurting you. If you want their sympathy for your loneliness more than you want to empathize with and understand their pain, you are probably encouraging the silent treatment.
Is complacency a destructive thing?
Complacency is so destructive in marriage. If you are feeling worn down by the loneliness and the silence, find friends and family who will encourage you and hold you up.
What to do if your partner gives you the silent treatment?
To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Both you and your partner need to feel this deep sense of value to have a fulfilling relationship that lasts over time.
What does it mean when you are treated unfairly?
In relationships, as in the workplace, this means that if you’re treated unfairly, you’ll use the passive-aggressive state of silence in an effort to defend your sense of self in a way that is less risky than speaking out about the unfairness. You can’t get in trouble, so this reasoning goes, for what you don’t say.
Is silence better than conversation?
Silence can sometimes be better than conversation, especially if you and your partner need to take a break from an argument and just cool off. When one partner refuses to speak, however, the silence can seem unbearable, especially if it continues. In the dirty dishes scenario, it would seem like your partner is resorting to silence as a way ...