how to respond to someone whos giving you the silent treatment

How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
3. Ignore it until it blows over. ...
4. Offer solutions. ...
5. Stand up for yourself. ...

Full Answer

What is the best way to handle the silent treatment?

How to respond to the silent treatment with dignity

1. Present your partner or spouse with the research They need to know there’s good evidence that ignoring you is endangering the future of your relationship.
2. Write them a letter Base it on the information in my article on how to avoid constant arguments. ...
3. If it’s an abusive relationship – leave

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?

How long should the silent treatment last? If your partner or spouse has been giving you the silent treatment for a month, a week or even a day, I’d like you to take a good look at your relationship because chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. Perhaps that comes as a shock, or you’ve known all along that you’re in a bad relationship.

What is the purpose of giving someone the "silent treatment"?

Giving someone silent treatment is a form of manipulation. The silent treatment can be used to modify behavior. Being ignored has a huge effect on a person's mental state, so they're willing to do nearly anything to regain the manipulator's attention.

What does the silent treatment say about a person?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

How do you win the silence treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment#1. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation.#2. Use the Sandwich Method.#3. Listen and Not Just Talk.#4. Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment.#5. Let Go of Your Grudge.#6. Be Strong.#7. Remember: The Recipient Doesn't Always Need To Initiate.#8. Give Space and Time.More items...•

Should you respond to the silent treatment with silence?

A person should not apologize or blame themselves for another person's use of the silent treatment, as the silence is how their partner chooses to respond. However, they may need to apologize if they have said or done something that may have hurt the other person's feelings.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

How do I disarm the silent treatment?

Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. That's not what you want or need in a relationship. Explain that you can't resolve issues this way, then be specific about those issues. If this sort of behavior is a relationship deal-breaker for you, state it plainly.

What personality type gives the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

What happens when you go silent on a narcissist?

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

Why does a man give the silent treatment?

In most cases, the demanding partner feels abandoned and the silent partner feels afraid—their silence is a way to protect themselves from more pain. To resolve the issue, both partners need to take responsibility for their behavior and try to empathize with their partner.

Why is silent treatment considered abuse?

This is obviously another reason why the silent treatment is abuse: they want you to hurt, and they want you to show it to them. This, in turn, makes them feel happy. It makes them feel like they’re the most important person in the world and they ‘own’ you and your mind. Whatever you do, do not show them that their silent treatment is effecting you.

How do narcissists feel?

You see, to a narcissistic person, they feel good knowing they are getting to you. It is their main goal, and if you let them know it’s bothering you, they feel like they have won. In their controlling and manipulative head, they are the bigger and better person and they can mess with you any way they please.

Why do I not beg?

Aside from looking like a weak worm begging for a response, another reason to completely avoid begging is because the narcissistic individual giving the silent treatment actually likes it .

Is it sick to beg a narcissist?

Yes, it’s sick to think about, but when you beg to a narcissistic person, it makes them feel even better about themselves and may actually prolong the length of time in which they give you the silent treatment.

Do narcissists need professional help?

However, some people are over-the-top when it comes to their narcissistic behavior and will need more professional treatment . This can be very useful, especially if trying to find better ways to communicate does not seem to work out on your own.

Is silent treatment abuse harsh?

You might be thinking that calling the silent treatment abuse is somewhat harsh. After all, there is a vast majority of individuals who only consider bodily harm as abuse. And this is somewhat true- bodily harm and injury is a form of abuse known as physical abuse, but there are two other types of abuse that are just as horrible, ...

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

5 effective ways to respond to the silent treatment

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why the silent treatment needs to be banned

Professor Paul Schrodt is a leading figure in the research around why the silent treatment is bad for relationships.

Conclusion

After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control another person’s behavior with silence. It involves. refusing to speak with someone. blocking their phone number. blocking them on social media. ignoring them in person. avoiding any interaction with them.

Why is silent treatment considered mental abuse?

It’s even referred to as “mental murder” because the person giving you the silent treatment “kills” you in their mind. They act as if you didn’t exist, and that can be very painful. Research shows that our brains are wired to seek out connections.

What happens if a woman doesn't respond to her partner's treatment?

Unequipped to deal with such painful behavior from their partner, women dial up the intensity, trying to provoke a reaction — any reaction, positive or negative. If it doesn’t work, they may respond with the silent treatment, and the vicious cycle is set.

Why do people have difficulty communicating?

Individuals who have difficulty communicating because their emotional maturity has been stunted learn to give people the silent treatment as a form of punishment. These people usually operate from their ego, meaning that they believe in their rightness and are standing firm in their opinion, belief and/or experience. — Shirin Peykar, M.A. LMFT.

What does it mean when you crawl back to a narcissist?

It’s designed to bring you to your knees, so as you crawl back to the narcissist, you’re not thinking what’s right and what’s wrong. You just want the pain to stop.

Is silent treatment the same as physical pain?

So silent treatment is literally like experiencing physical pain. Think about that next time you’re giving someone a cold shoulder.

Is it harder to withstand the silent treatment?

So it’s that much harder for you to withstand the silent treatment . But withstand you must. There are times when you need to be the bigger person and apologize first. But when someone is giving you the silent treatment, this isn’t that time.

What to do if your partner gives you the silent treatment?

To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Both you and your partner need to feel this deep sense of value to have a fulfilling relationship that lasts over time.

What does it mean when you are treated unfairly?

In relationships, as in the workplace, this means that if you’re treated unfairly, you’ll use the passive-aggressive state of silence in an effort to defend your sense of self in a way that is less risky than speaking out about the unfairness. You can’t get in trouble, so this reasoning goes, for what you don’t say.

Is silence better than conversation?

Silence can sometimes be better than conversation, especially if you and your partner need to take a break from an argument and just cool off. When one partner refuses to speak, however, the silence can seem unbearable, especially if it continues. In the dirty dishes scenario, it would seem like your partner is resorting to silence as a way ...

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

What happens if you don't get an answer from someone?

They know that by not getting an answer from them, you will likely start blaming yourself. You’ll apologise when you’ve no idea what you’re apologising for and try to do everything right this time, until the next time. Don’t play into their hands.

How do narcissists express their disapproval?

The narcissist will express their disapproval by shutting down, withdrawing any love or affection, refusing to communicate and denying their target any explanation. Why? Avoidance, control, disempowerment and/or punishment, punishment for some perceived slight that their target is completely unaware of.

What do people not anticipate?

What these people do not anticipate is your knowledge of their twisted mind games. They don’t expect you to know how to play these mind games better than they can. Instead of crawling back to them, let them crawl back into whatever hole they have created for themselves and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Can you walk away from a narcissist?

Despite overwhelming advice that not to stay with a narcissist is the best thing one can possibly do for oneself in order to enjoy a normal peaceful life, some find that they cannot walk away.

Can a narcissist read emails?

The narcissist will read all your texts and emails and will get a tremendous amount of satisfaction from them. Oh, how it makes them feel important! It is perfectly normal, for a target of this form of abuse, to reach out in an attempt to resolve the situation.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What does it mean when something isn't going their way?

When something isn’t going their way, they know that their silent treatment may be the only real key to turning the tables and getting exactly what they want, after all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This all depends on the strength and maturity of their intended target. 2. The narcissist.