how to respond to silent treatment from husband

1. Take Time to Cool Off. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was ...
2. Give Your Partner Space to Think. Avoid trying to figure out what your silent partner or spouse is thinking. You're not a mind-reader.
3. Don't Apologize Unless You're Truly Sorry. Never apologize for something when you don't believe you did. How can you have an authentic, connected relationship by being false?
4. Apologize if You're Truly Sorry. Think about whether you really may have done or said something to hurt your partner or make them angry.
Ask Yourself Whether it's Just a Personality Difference. Is your partner an introvert while you are more of an extrovert? ...
Set Rules for Healthy Communication. When communication is difficult it can help to create some rules. Give your partner (and yourself) permission to calm down.

Full Answer

Why does my husband give me silent treatment?

When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

How to cope with silent treatment in marriage?

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1. Embrace the break. The silent treatment often leads to some time apart. ...
2. Show that you care. Although the silent treatment is annoying, try to see things through the person’s perspective.
3. Apologize for your own wrongdoings. If you know you’ve said or done something hurtful, fess up. ...
4. Get therapy. ...

How does the silence treatment affect marriage?

What to do when your partner, wife or husband ignores you

• there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them
• you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe
• you are not your partner’s therapist

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How do you respond when your husband gives you the silent treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...

Why does husband give silent treatment?

“Through withholding approval, they are non-verbally expressing that your actions and words are unacceptable.” Someone may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don't know how to explain themselves in a healthy manner.

How do you deal with a silent partner in a relationship?

Dealing with a silent partnerTry to choose your time to talk. There are times that will be better than others. ... Express how their silence makes you feel. You can express how you feel about their behaviour perhaps going on to a constructive suggestion. ... Don't mind read. ... Do not repeat yourself. ... Remember the positives too.

How do you deal with the silent treatment with dignity?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.

How do you deal with an ignoring husband?

If you're able to pinpoint the reason why your husband ignores you, there are many things that you can do about the situation.Re-Establish Communication. ... Give Him Some Space. ... Stay Positive. ... Avoid Arguing With Him. ... Analyze the Situation. ... Revive the Spark. ... Keep Yourself Busy.

How do I break the silent treatment?

Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. That's not what you want or need in a relationship. Explain that you can't resolve issues this way, then be specific about those issues. If this sort of behavior is a relationship deal-breaker for you, state it plainly.

How do you break a silence in a marriage?

A straightforward method for how to break silence in a relationship is to apologize whether you're the reason why things have gone quiet or the disagreement or not. There's nothing wrong with telling someone you're sorry for the part you played for why you're where you are now.

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Sometimes, a person may give someone the silent treatment because they are too angry, hurt, or overwhelmed to speak. They may be afraid of saying something that makes the situation worse. In these cases, it can be helpful for each person to take some time to cool off before getting together to discuss the issue calmly.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

How do you win a silent argument?

8. Silence is golden: Sometimes, silence is the most effective argument. Stop talking in the middle of the argument and stay quiet no matter what your opponent says or does. Use this tactic after you've made a pretty strong point and your opponent is trying to bluster his way out of the net you've entangled him in.

How do I deal with a stonewalling husband?

Ask for a break during conflicts. Stonewalling is often a result of feeling overwhelmed. ... Acknowledge that you are not the “fixer' in the relationship. ... Lead with empathy. ... Trust yourself. ... Prioritize self-care. ... Talk to a professional at Relish.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when you use the silent treatment?

When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse.

What is “the silent treatment” and how can you win it?

You’ll surely know what it feels like when someone gives you the silent treatment. They simply stop talking to you – for hours, days or even weeks.

Why does your spouse or partner ignore you?

The question I often get asked is: “Why do guys give the silent treatment?”

What to do if you're in a long distance relationship?

If you’re dating or are in a long-distance relationship and you’re being given the silent treatment, stop writing, texting or calling right away! You’re either being manipulated, or the relationship has ended.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Do you need to worry about silent treatment?

If you’re using a more helpful way of communicating and argue fairly, you won’t need to worry about the silent treatment backfiring.

What to do when your spouse won't communicate?

Harrison says that the best thing to do when your loved one won’t communicate (and may be giving you the death stare) is to not escalate things. “Don’t take it personally. Be calm and patient. Do not respond in anger, don’t be patronizing or condescending, and don’t beg your partner to respond,” she advises.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a common game of emotional chicken that can be extremely debilitating to a marriage. Luckily, whether this is a rare thing in your relationship or a go-to defense mechanism, you can break through the invisible wall, address the real issue in the short-term, and work together to make the silent treatment a thing of the past.

How to respond to silence?

What you can do is respond to their silence. “Communicate about the silent treatment , stating what you observe by using ‘I’ statements,” Gordon says. For example, “I notice you’re shutting down and not responding to me.” Then use more ‘I’ statements (beca use those don’t place blame on the other person) to explain how their silence makes you feel. Follow that up by gently explaining how this makes it harder to resolve the underlying issue.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Someone may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don’t know how to explain themselves in a healthy manner. They might turn to the silent treatment because they’re conflict-averse and don’t want to get into big discussions, or it may simply be a tactic used to gain the upper hand by forcing the other person to try and make things right. The silent treatment could be a learned behavior (perhaps a parent used it and they know no other way) or simply a maneuver they know works.

What to do when your spouse starts building a wall between you?

Bringing it up now can help prevent the silent treatment — or remedy it more quickly — in the future. If your spouse begins building a wall between the two of you, remind them of the conversation you had.

Is it easier to communicate without accusing or judging?

Of course, all of this is easier when you can both communicate without accusing and judging. So work on this if you need to.

Can silent treatment be used to manipulate someone?

Even worse, when taken to the extreme, the silent treatment can become a way to manipulate and control someone. So be mindful and notice if your partner gives you the silent treatment infrequently, does it on a more regular basis but is open to talking (perhaps after a few hours or a day), or if you think it’s becoming emotional abuse.

1. Understand What the Silent Treatment Is

To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. When your significant other refuses to speak to you or even acknowledge you, it’s not only infuriating but might also affect your bond.

2. Then Why on Earth Is My Partner Doing It?

We’re going to go ahead and assume your partner isn’t actively trying to hurt you—better yet, your S.O. is likely trying to avoid a screaming match by clamming up in the first place.

3. OK, So What Do I Do About It?

It’s important to remember that your goal here is to help steer your partner out of their mute retreat and back into an open and constructive conversation with you. To get there, you might have to allow more time to pass than you think feels normal, but it will be worth it when they come back around to their usual bubbly self.

4. Give the Silence a Deadline

Remember that you are a person in this relationship too, and it’s reasonable to need some clarity on when you can expect your partner to be open to talking again. Fitzpatrick suggests coming up with a timetable of sorts for arguments that reach this level in order for both of you to have a bit of what you need—them, time; you, structure.

What to do if your partner gives you the silent treatment?

To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Both you and your partner need to feel this deep sense of value to have a fulfilling relationship that lasts over time.

What does it mean when you are treated unfairly?

In relationships, as in the workplace, this means that if you’re treated unfairly, you’ll use the passive-aggressive state of silence in an effort to defend your sense of self in a way that is less risky than speaking out about the unfairness. You can’t get in trouble, so this reasoning goes, for what you don’t say.

Is silence better than conversation?

Silence can sometimes be better than conversation, especially if you and your partner need to take a break from an argument and just cool off. When one partner refuses to speak, however, the silence can seem unbearable, especially if it continues. In the dirty dishes scenario, it would seem like your partner is resorting to silence as a way ...

Why do people use the Silent Treatment?

Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.

What to do when someone talks to you?

If they choose to talk to you, share your appreciation with them. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. This will be a quick fix to a potentially troubling situation. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating.

How to deal with a four year old who refuses to talk?

Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. We must do this carefully, however as we don’t want to give the pouter extra clout. We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively. Offer them the opportunity to talk, OR to take an agreed-upon timeout.

What to do when you feel overwhelmed?

When feeling overwhelmed, it is important and even responsible to pull back, reflect and choose your actions carefully. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative.

Is silence a healthy relationship?

In summary, silence is a particularly painful weapon and has no place in a healthy relationship. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.

When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don't blame yourself. It's not?

When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for their behavior, no matter what they tell you. If that person genuinely wants to change, they’ll get themselves into counseling.

How does silent treatment affect self esteem?

When it’s used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected or excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.

How to deal with emotional abuse?

Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.

What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?

When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.

Why do people go silent?

But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

How to get clear on what you expect from each other?

Take turns listening and repeating what the other person says so you’re clear on what you expect of each other. If you’re in a romantic relationship, offer to go to couples counseling to learn some new tools.

How to respond to silent treatment?

Here are some ways to respond to the silent treatment. 1. Take Time to Cool Off. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was preceded by an argument, fight, or emotional outburst.

How to deal with a silent spouse?

Give Your Partner Space to Think. Avoid trying to figure out what your silent partner or spouse is thinking. You're not a mind-reader. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of communication. If you do their thinking for them, they won't learn how to be direct when sharing their thoughts and feelings.

What Is the Silent Treatment in a Relationship?

The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry, and the other person doesn't know why.

What does it mean when a man says he's busy but he acts disinterested?

In other words, "He says he's busy, but he acts disinterested" means he's probably disinterested. This is especially true if you called his attention to it and he hasn't tried to improve things and hasn't taken your complaint seriously.

How long should you be honest with someone who has silent treatment?

I say you should blow someone's mind by being honest when someone carries on the silent treatment past 48 hours. Just tell you're partner very calmly that while you understand they are upset, a sufficient amount of time has passed for them to process the situation.

What does it mean when a silent partner is attempting to escape another toxic dynamic?

In some cases, the silent partner is attempting to escape another toxic dynamic. If you are trying to force them to change or do things your way, you're giving them a reason to withdraw. If you criticize them as a person or assigning blame instead of focusing on finding solutions, you're contributing to the dynamic.

How to control your partner?

Changing Your Approach to the Relationship 1 Remind yourself that your partner feels uncertain and out of control. 2 Do not resort to sulking, pouting, or badgering. Try to maintain a calm attitude if you can. Take a walk to get a breath of air. 3 Consider whether you too might be trying to control the relationship more than your partner is comfortable with.

Why does my spouse give me the silent treatment?

Making assumptions about what’s going on in your spouse’s head and heart can be counterproductive. If your spouse hasn’t explained the silence, your assumptions can cause defensiveness, anger, and extended silence if you’re seen as oversimplifying or arrogant.

Why is it important to deal with silent spouses?

But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you. Don’t use the golden rule as a manipulation; simply put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and think before speaking.

Is it hard to empathize with someone who is hurting you?

Empathy is hard to do, especially for someone who is hurting you. If you want their sympathy for your loneliness more than you want to empathize with and understand their pain, you are probably encouraging the silent treatment.

Is complacency a destructive thing?

Complacency is so destructive in marriage. If you are feeling worn down by the loneliness and the silence, find friends and family who will encourage you and hold you up.

What is the silent treatment?

Ah the silent treatment, that common game of emotional chicken that makes you search every inch of your brain trying to work out what you did wrong.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Some people may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

What is the first move in silent treatment?

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why does being a recipient of the silent treatment feel alien?

Being a recipient of the silent treatment feels alien because it goes against our basic social needs as human beings.

What to do if you think someone's behavior is beyond change?

If you think the person’s behavior is beyond change or the silent treatment repeats itself on a regular basis then you should consider leaving the relationship.

What to do if your girlfriend is not receptive?

If they don’t seem receptive, tell them you understand they may need some alone time. Be sure to try this multiple times and make sure that you’re happy that you’ve done as much as you can to resolve the dispute.