how to respond to repeated silent treatment

6 Ways to Respond to the Silent Treatment

1. Take some time to cool off..
2. Give your partner space to think..
3. Don't apologize unless you're truly sorry..
4. Apologize if you're truly sorry..
5. Ask yourself whether it's just a personality difference..
6. Set rules for healthy communication.. Since the silent treatment is a way for your partner to gain control, you...

Full Answer

What is the best way to handle the silent treatment?

How to respond to the silent treatment with dignity

1. Present your partner or spouse with the research They need to know there’s good evidence that ignoring you is endangering the future of your relationship.
2. Write them a letter Base it on the information in my article on how to avoid constant arguments. ...
3. If it’s an abusive relationship – leave

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?

How long should the silent treatment last? If your partner or spouse has been giving you the silent treatment for a month, a week or even a day, I’d like you to take a good look at your relationship because chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. Perhaps that comes as a shock, or you’ve known all along that you’re in a bad relationship.

What is the purpose of giving someone the "silent treatment"?

Giving someone silent treatment is a form of manipulation. The silent treatment can be used to modify behavior. Being ignored has a huge effect on a person's mental state, so they're willing to do nearly anything to regain the manipulator's attention.

How do you beat the silent treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment#1. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation. ... #2. Use the Sandwich Method. ... #3. Listen and Not Just Talk. ... #4. Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment. ... #5. Let Go of Your Grudge. ... #6. Be Strong. ... #7. Remember: The Recipient Doesn't Always Need To Initiate. ... #13. Think About Professional Therapy.

How do you deal with a partner that gives you the silent treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

Why does the silent treatment trigger me?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

How can the silent treatment backfire?

If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!

Is silent treatment manipulation?

The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.

Is the silent treatment a form of control?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.

Is the silent treatment a form of Gaslighting?

“The silent treatment is the ultimate gaslighting because it denies the reality of you, of your humanity,” Sarkis says.

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

How do you outsmart a narcissist?

How to Outsmart a Narcissist Separate yourself to cut off their narcissistic supply. Take time to heal. Take responsibility for your part in a conflict. React with empathy and respect. Act unresponsive around them. Disengage from their conversations. Set and enforce clear boundaries.More items...•

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

5 effective ways to respond to the silent treatment

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why the silent treatment needs to be banned

Professor Paul Schrodt is a leading figure in the research around why the silent treatment is bad for relationships.

Conclusion

After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.

How to confront silent treatment?

1. Get to the root cause of the problem. Never operate from the assumption that you are responsible for the silent treatment if you want to know how to confront the silent treatment. There is always an underlying cause for people to resort to this kind of behaviour.

What is silent treatment?

At times, the silent treatment is used by people to show they are hurting with something that you may have done or said or it can be even something that you may not have any connection with.

Why is silent treatment manipulation bad?

It is a form of abuse that hampers the relationship because it is triggered by imbalance, passive aggression, and irrationality. “Thus, silent treatment manipulation is a marker of an unhealthy relationship. It is often enough said that effective communication forms the basis of any good relationship.

What does Mallika Pathak say about silent treatment?

What the experts say about silent treatment. Psychologist Mallika Pathak agrees. Speaking on the effects of silent treatment on the one at the receiving end, she says, “Silent treatment is the perfect weapon that an abuser can use to punish you. It’s indirect, passive, and extremely emotionally hurtful.

How to confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment?

How to confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment? Knowing how to respond to silent treatment becomes imperative not just for the survival of the relationship where this form of stonewalling is repeatedly used as a disarming tool but also for the mental health and well-being of the person at receiving end.

Is silent treatment a confused word?

That being said, silent treatment should not be confused or interchanged with any attempts made by an individual who is taking some time to cool off after an argument/fight.”. It’s hard to confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment because they might be sulking for days.

Is silent treatment a form of abuse?

On the other hand, silent treatment manipulation borders on a form of emotional abuse. “Sadly, the latter is a more predominant form of behaviour. It is used as a premeditated pre-planned way of showing anger and power over your partner to manipulate them into submission.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a painful behavior opted by one of the partners in a relationship when one ignores the other partner, not acknowledging them through any form of communication.

What does it mean when a narcissist gives a silent treatment?

He does not care about other people feelings and he only cares about his own self. So when a narcissist gives the silent treatment, he is looking to exploit you . He wants you to submit to him, listen to him, and obey him. In a silent treatment, a narcissist wants you to beg him and pay attention to him, even if he is wrong.

What to do if he is not taking a step?

If he is still not taking a step after you clearing your values and boundaries clearly and waiting for him to take the step, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship closely.

Is silent treatment painful?

Receiving any kind of silent treatment is painful and feels like a punishment. Actually, it’s a form of punishment that was used in prison or other disciplinary institutes to ‘teach a lesson’.

Is silent treatment considered mental abuse?

It is important to note that silent treatment is classified as a form of mental abuse and that no one, whether male or female, deserves the silent treatment in a loving, healthy relationship.

Is silent treatment a psychological problem?

The silent treatment is no doubt a psychological problem in many cases. Silent treatment consists of many psychological strategies and behavior with a single target to ignore the other partner.

1. Understand What the Silent Treatment Is

To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. When your significant other refuses to speak to you or even acknowledge you, it’s not only infuriating but might also affect your bond.

2. Then Why on Earth Is My Partner Doing It?

We’re going to go ahead and assume your partner isn’t actively trying to hurt you—better yet, your S.O. is likely trying to avoid a screaming match by clamming up in the first place.

3. OK, So What Do I Do About It?

It’s important to remember that your goal here is to help steer your partner out of their mute retreat and back into an open and constructive conversation with you. To get there, you might have to allow more time to pass than you think feels normal, but it will be worth it when they come back around to their usual bubbly self.

4. Give the Silence a Deadline

Remember that you are a person in this relationship too, and it’s reasonable to need some clarity on when you can expect your partner to be open to talking again. Fitzpatrick suggests coming up with a timetable of sorts for arguments that reach this level in order for both of you to have a bit of what you need—them, time; you, structure.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is the silent treatment good?

No, the silent treatment is seldom a good idea. When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse. I can understand your resorting to not responding to your partner or spouse if they continue to batter your ears over something you really don’t want to talk about.

Can you change your partner's therapy?

you are not your partner’s therapist. you cannot change your partner, and neither should you change yourself to fit in with their demands beyond reasonable compromises. ‘giving back’ the silent treatment will result in a competition detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Is silent treatment a sign of a toxic relationship?

At worst, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. At best, it’s an unhealthy attempt to make upset and displeasure clear and to provoke guilt and atonement. The above steps will help you to handle the silent treatment with dignity.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

How to respond to silent treatment?

Here are some ways to respond to the silent treatment. 1. Take Time to Cool Off. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was preceded by an argument, fight, or emotional outburst.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating.

What does it mean when a man says he's busy but he acts disinterested?

In other words, "He says he's busy, but he acts disinterested" means he's probably disinterested. This is especially true if you called his attention to it and he hasn't tried to improve things and hasn't taken your complaint seriously.

What does it mean when your partner is silent?

In some cases, the silent partner is attempting to escape another toxic dynamic. If you are trying to force them to change or do things your way, you're giving them a reason to withdraw. If you criticize them as a person or assigning blame instead of focusing on finding solutions, you're contributing to the dynamic. If you let yourself feel like a victim, get depressed, or pout, you must recognize that you've been engaging in control tactics, too, and pledge to stop.

How to deal with a silent spouse?

Give Your Partner Space to Think. Avoid trying to figure out what your silent partner or spouse is thinking. You're not a mind-reader. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of communication. If you do their thinking for them, they won't learn how to be direct when sharing their thoughts and feelings.

How to control your partner?

Changing Your Approach to the Relationship 1 Remind yourself that your partner feels uncertain and out of control. 2 Do not resort to sulking, pouting, or badgering. Try to maintain a calm attitude if you can. Take a walk to get a breath of air. 3 Consider whether you too might be trying to control the relationship more than your partner is comfortable with.

Is silent treatment a form of ostracism?

If you're on the receiving end, it's important that you know that no one, male or female, should accept the silent treatment as an acceptable behavior. You don't deserve it.

What does it mean when someone uses silent treatment?

Now, using the silent treatment doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist or a toxic person . It can also be a sign of someone emotionally immature. A normal person, however, will let you know if they need some time to gather thoughts and tell you they will get back to you.

Why do we use silent treatment?

Another important reason to use the silent treatment is avoiding responsibility. It could be a response to you wanting to speak about their behaviour or your relationship. Silent treatment basically is avoidance. It’s avoiding responsibility, blame, and projecting upon others by playing the victim.

What is the difference between silent treatment and narcissistic treatment?

The difference with a narcissist using the silent treatment is that a narcissist will not be able to speak about it afterwards, they will not take any responsibility, or admit they were hurt and used the silent treatment because of that.

What is the silent treatment used by narcissists?

A very common form of manipulation used by narcissists is the silent treatment. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. It’s passive-aggressive and it can be very frustrating and result in a lot of stress and anxiety.

How to deal with a narcissist?

When dealing with a narcissist, you have to trust your intuition. It can be very hard to recognize you are not the one to blame, mostly because of earlier emotional abuse or experiences. Now, you can’t change their unhealthy behaviour and you’re not responsible for the behaviour of others.

Is silent treatment painful?

When having to deal with the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. It’s manipulative behaviour and a very unhealthy form of communication. From experience, I know how challenging it is to deal with narcissists and their manipulative behaviour. It’s essential to learn to protect yourself and your energy.

Do narcissists care about others?

Now, a narcissist doesn’t care about the feelings of others and might even like to play these manipulative games. A narcissist has a lack of empathy and seeks for narcissistic supply, which could be a search for ego-boosting, appreciation, drama, or control.