how to handel the silent treatment

How To Handle The Silent Treatment With Dignity

1. Respond Calmly. Respond calmly and try to see things from their viewpoint.
2. Set Your Boundaries. Set your boundaries and make them clear. ...
3. Understand That No One Can Treat You Badly Without Your Consent. ...
4. If You Think Your Partner Has Had A Change Of Behavior, You May Give Them A Second Chance. ...
5. Surround Yourself With Positive People. ...
6. Offer To Help. ...

Full Answer

How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?

How long should the silent treatment last? If your partner or spouse has been giving you the silent treatment for a month, a week or even a day, I’d like you to take a good look at your relationship because chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. Perhaps that comes as a shock, or you’ve known all along that you’re in a bad relationship.

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

When you should use the silent treatment?

The silent treatment will be effective only and only when used as a means to create just enough space for allowing both partners to work through their own emotions, gather their thoughts and revisit a point of contention more pragmatically.

How do you respond to the silent treatment?

When Labour MP Stephen McCabe was told he had a heart murmur that needed attention ‘very urgently’, his initial response was to dismiss the advice ... Once detected, treatment may involve blood pressure drugs to open the arteries, blood thinners ...

How do you outsmart the silent treatment?

How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent TreatmentWhen it's abusive.Make it about them.Make it about you.Ignore it.Offer solutions.Stand up for yourself.What not to do.Signs of emotional abuse.More items...•

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

How do you win the silence treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment#1. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation.#2. Use the Sandwich Method.#3. Listen and Not Just Talk.#4. Do Not Try To Win the Silent Treatment.#5. Let Go of Your Grudge.#6. Be Strong.#7. Remember: The Recipient Doesn't Always Need To Initiate.#8. Give Space and Time.More items...•

What does the silent treatment say about a person?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."

Is the silent treatment a form of control?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

How can the silent treatment backfire?

If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!

Is silent treatment a red flag?

The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.

Why is silence so powerful?

Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.

Why is silence the best revenge?

Silence speaks volumes The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

Is silent treatment good in a relationship?

Definitely not! Playing the "I won't tell you what is wrong" or "I will punish you with silence" game really weakens the bond between two people.

Should you play games in relationships?

That's not a good idea. Games in relationships are played to indirectly get needs met by the person who starts the game. If you find yourself caugh...

How do you deal with a partner that gives you the silent treatment?

Let them know that you're not going to play their game but that you're willing to talk things out. In the meantime, you can still offer updates on...

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is one of many tactics employed by emotional abuses. It makes one partner feel intimidated and powerless to the other. If you have tried to improve your communication with your loved one and they refuse to acknowledge their part in the silent treatment, you may have to go your separate ways.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

Also known as the “cold shoulder,” people sometimes use the silent treatment as a way to disengage from an argument while considering their options , or as a way to retaliate. Being the recipient of the silent treatment can make you feel invisible and manipulated.

How to calm down a silent person?

Use the space you get during the silent treatment to minimize the negative emotions you feel. Try some relaxation techniques such as guided imagery, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or gentle stretching to reduce anger and promote calm. [7]

How to deal with feeling manipulated?

Recognize that it won’t do any good for your relationship to display anger. Use the space you get during the silent treatment to minimize the negative emotions you feel.

What can I do to help my spouse with emotional abuse?

You can do individual, couples, or even family counseling. Whether you are dealing with a family member or spouse, participating in therapy can help you identify the roles both parties are playing in the silent treatment and break the cycle of emotional abuse.

What to do if you start apologizing?

In any case, if you start apologizing (and you don’t even know what you did wrong) or you start begging the person to pay attention to you, you are feeding the beast. Instead, take a silent treatment as a green light to collect yourself. Don’t show any anger. Don’t passive-aggressively force the person to talk to you.

How to make someone talk to you?

Don’t passive-aggressively force the person to talk to you. Don’t provoke an argument. Just give them and yourself some space until things simmer down. When you are around the person, strive to appear relaxed and positive. Don’t let on that the person’s behavior is negatively affecting you, even if it is.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.

Why do people go silent?

But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

What to do when your spouse is silent?

If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.

How to deal with emotional abuse?

Make it about you. Ignore it. Offer solutions. Stand up for yourself. What not to do. Signs of emotional abuse. Get help. Takeaway. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment.

How does being ostracized affect your self esteem?

Research shows that frequently feeling ostracized can reduce your self-esteem and sense of belonging. It can leave you feeling like you’re without control. This effect may be more intense when it’s done by someone close to you as a form of punishment. know the signs.

What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?

When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.

Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?

While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

5 effective ways to respond to the silent treatment

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why the silent treatment needs to be banned

Professor Paul Schrodt is a leading figure in the research around why the silent treatment is bad for relationships.

Conclusion

After reading the article you should now know that unless there is a really good reason, the silent treatment should be avoided at all costs.

Why is silent treatment bad?

This decreases intimacy and trust between partners, and can cause anxiety and aggressive behavior. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to the problem.

What is easy to do is also easy not to do?

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

What happens if you are ignored?

Being ignored could cause you to behave in ways you might not normally― things like questioning and second-guessing yourself and others, lashing out, or doubting yourself and situations where you normally don’t. You might start to feel like you’re bothering the other person, or being too needy.

What happens if you don't act like yourself?

Realizing you aren’t quite acting like yourself could further feelings of guilt, loss of control, and uncertainty; since these feelings initiate a sense of threat to your survival, this may heighten any fight-or-flight reaction you may have. 5. It can destroy relationships. Often the issue here is with communication.

What are the emotions that come with being ignored?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness. [2]

Is it a strategy to ignore someone?

Ignoring someone is also not a strategy, it’s just a flat out disregard for someone else’s feelings. It might be hard to read what I have to say, based on my own experiences and some research on the various effects of the silent treatment. But I’m writing this because it’s so, so important.

Is effective communication in the workplace challenging?

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What to do if your boss has no sense of humor?

If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful! The main thing is to develop a strong sense of self and not let it get to you. Remember, you can only change your behavior, not anyone else’s.

What does it mean when an abuser refuses to speak to you?

When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology. This is punishing you with silence.

Can laughing at someone incite them?

Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation.

Can I go to therapy with my spouse?

Getting your spouseto go to therapy with you may not always be possible, but if the relationships is important to them and you feel that their behavior is irreparably damaging it, you might be in a position to strongly encourage even demand it of them. If not, go to therapy on your own so you can learn how to handle their behavior in a way ...

Does Psych Central review?

Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What is silent treatment?

Summary. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse.

What does it mean to acknowledge someone is using the silent treatment?

Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively.

Why is silent treatment important?

for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way. When one partner wants to talk about a problem but the other withdraws, it can cause negative emotions such as anger and distress.

How does silent treatment affect relationships?

How it affects relationships. In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential. for healthy relationships.

Why do people stay silent in a conversation?

These include: Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

How does silence end?

the silence lasts for extended periods of time. the silence only ends when they decide it does. they talk to other people but not to their partner. they seek alliances from others. they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.

What to do if someone feels they are in danger?

If a person feels that they or their family are in immediate danger, they must call 911. If they are not in immediate danger, a person who believes that their partner is abusive should consider whether or not they wish to stay in the relationship. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to: