how to deal with family who gives the silent treatment

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
3. Ignore it until it blows over. The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand.
4. Offer solutions. Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. ...
5. Stand up for yourself. When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first.

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

What are the effects of Silent Treatment?

What to Do If Someone is Giving you the Silent Treatment

• show the person you are not bothered by their behavior
• do not let the perpetrator witness your negative emotions
• tell the person their behavior is immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. and laugh it off.

How does the silence treatment affect marriage?

What to do when your partner, wife or husband ignores you

• there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them
• you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe
• you are not your partner’s therapist

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Why are you receiving the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a sign that communication in the relationship has broken down. By working on the communication and striving to create an environment where you can both be open and honest about your feelings; you will strip away most of the reasons for applying the silent treatment.

What to do when a family member is giving you the silent treatment?

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.

What type of person gives the silent treatment?

Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them.

How is the silent treatment manipulative?

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.

What does the silent treatment say about a person?

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn't know why they're apologizing. “It's especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

Is ignoring someone a form of emotional abuse?

In fact, it qualifies as abuse: Just because you are not using your hands doesn't mean you can't irreparably hurt someone else. Ignoring someone is also not a strategy, it's just a flat out disregard for someone else's feelings.

Is silent treatment narcissistic?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.

Is silent treatment a form of control?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.

How does a narcissist react when they can't control you?

Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.

Why is silence the best revenge?

Silence speaks volumes The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

How do you respond to stonewalling?

The person stonewalling you wants you to get emotional, and if you don't give them that pleasure, the person who is stonewalling may end up backing off from it. If someone stone walls, one response is to be diplomatic. Say you're willing to talk it out. Make it about them, or make it about you, but don't aggressive.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

Why do I have to take a good look at my relationship?

If your partner or spouse has been giving you the silent treatment for a month, a week or even a day, I’d like you to take a good look at your relationship because chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. Perhaps that comes as a shock, or you’ve known all along that you’re in a bad relationship.

What does it mean when you use the silent treatment?

When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse.

What to do if you're in a long distance relationship?

If you’re dating or are in a long-distance relationship and you’re being given the silent treatment, stop writing, texting or calling right away! You’re either being manipulated, or the relationship has ended.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Is it safe to ignore your spouse?

Keep in mind…. there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them. you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe.

Do you need to worry about silent treatment?

If you’re using a more helpful way of communicating and argue fairly, you won’t need to worry about the silent treatment backfiring.

Why does being a recipient of the silent treatment feel alien?

Being a recipient of the silent treatment feels alien because it goes against our basic social needs as human beings.

What is the silent treatment?

Ah the silent treatment, that common game of emotional chicken that makes you search every inch of your brain trying to work out what you did wrong.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Some people may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner.

What to do if you think someone's behavior is beyond change?

If you think the person’s behavior is beyond change or the silent treatment repeats itself on a regular basis then you should consider leaving the relationship.

What does "take the bull by the horns" mean?

Take the bull by the horns and suggest a face-to-face meeting to iron out some rules for better communication.

How to build on your communication skills?

Build on your communication skills and take turns listening and repeating what the other person says so you’re clear on what you expect of each other.

What to do if your girlfriend is not receptive?

If they don’t seem receptive, tell them you understand they may need some alone time. Be sure to try this multiple times and make sure that you’re happy that you’ve done as much as you can to resolve the dispute.

What does it mean when an abuser gives you the cold shoulder?

3.When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not even tellyou what it is that you’ve said or done, leaving you powerless to make an apology. This is punishing and disempowering you with silence.

What are some examples of curt sentences?

An example might be your mom wants you to come for the holidays and you can’t this year, so she either refuses to take your phone calls or she speaks to you in curt, clipped sentences.

What to say when your spouse refuses to speak to you?

Your spouse refuses to speak to you or stomps around answering you in curt, clipped one-word answers. When you ask what’s bothering them, they say: If you cared about me/loved me, you’d know what’s bothering me. If you cared you’d apologize for what you did. Or they say nothing at all. 4.

How to make someone not take themselves so seriously?

Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation. If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren’t taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What to tell someone to stop?

Another response that might get the person to stop is to tell him that his behavior appears immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. It’s best to do this if you truly do not feel affected by his behavior and can even laugh it off.

How old was Renae when she was stonewalled?

It was only during a couple's counselling session that 46-year-old Renae realised she was one of them.

How long does silent treatment last?

The silent treatment would go on for a week and I would spend that time doing everything I could to try to please — doing extra household chores in addition to the regular ones.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, is when a "listener withdraws from an interaction, refusing to participate or engage, essentially becoming unresponsive," explains John Gottman, world-renowned psychological researcher.

Why is the word "sinister" used?

It can be used to avoid conflict, but it can also have more sinister motives — like control and punishment.

Can silent treatment happen in any relationship?

The silent treatment can happen in any relationship dynamic. (

Can silent treatment leave you alone?

Recipients of the silent treatment can be left feeling isolated and alone. (

Is bottling up anger bad?

Bottling up anger risks damaging a relationship beyond repair — but there is a right and wrong way to express it. Experts explain what a healthy argument looks like and how to create one.

Decoding Silent Treatment Manipulation

The line that divides healthy distance from arguments and silent treatment manipulation of the other person is often very thin. And one that can be blurred easily. We all need time and space, some of us need more time to cool off after an argument, but that does not entitle them to give the other person silent treatment.

The Impact Of Silent Treatment

Dealing with silent treatment in marriage or a long-term relationship is not easy.

How To Respond To Silent Treatment?

Despite its damaging effect, silent treatment manipulation is rampant in relationships. “My husband loves to keep malice with me and give me silent treatment” or “My wife uses the silent treatment to always get her way” or “My partner punishes me for disagreeing with him by giving me the silent treatment” are common refrains in many relationships.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

What does it mean when something isn't going their way?

When something isn’t going their way, they know that their silent treatment may be the only real key to turning the tables and getting exactly what they want, after all. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This all depends on the strength and maturity of their intended target. 2. The narcissist.

What is a narcissist?

The narcissist. The narcissist is a troubled and sad individual. Among their weapons of choice, like their other manipulation techniques, they also utilize the silent treatment. The narcissist, since they are void of all original inner substance, will use the silent treatment to further establish who they are.

How to win silent treatment?

1. Shrugging it off. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

Why do parents give their children the silent treatment?

There are two main reasons why a parent would give their child/adult child the silent treatment: their parent is a narcissist or they are emotionally immature. The narcissistic parent likes to be in control at all times. They do not like it when you attempt to assert a bound ary, say no, or try to have your own mind and do things your own way.

What does it mean when a parent says "silent treatment"?

A parent will usually inflict the silent treatment as a response to: You confront them about an issue. You ask them to take responsibility. You try to assert a boundary or say ‘No’ to them. You do something they don’t want you to do or they think you shouldn’t do. You don’t do something they think you should do.

What does it mean when a parent withdraws from you?

When a parent does this for any length of time, they are withdrawing themselves and the relationship from us, purpose ly causing us to feel abandoned, rejected, powerless, unwanted, and frustrated, which brings with it a sense of feeling unloved and unlovable .

What happens when a child is silently treated?

Children and adult children that have experienced the silent treatment from their parent will often be desperate for love, affection, attention and validation and they will search for it from others, often leading to dangerous situations and other toxic relationships.

How to deal with toxic parents?

Set healthy boundaries with them, which might mean distancing yourself and spending less time with them. Keep the relationship at a casual level.

Why do parents use manipulative behaviour?

This means we have to modify our behaviour to make sure we never upset them again, and we can’t be congruent or our true selves around them. The parent is using manipulative behaviour to control their child and the child can’t be themselves and they live in fear, which is very emotionally abusive.

Why does shutting down leave you feeling frustrated?

It will leave us feeling tremendously frustrated because when they shut down and refuse to discuss issues that are important to us, it leaves no opportunity to resolve the conflict which would lead to restoring the relationship and making the pain stop.

Why is silent treatment a form of control?

This, again, is a form of control because it gives the one who wields the silent treatment as a weapon the upper hand. They aren’t the ones who have to feel anxious about what the other may do.

Why is silent treatment considered abuse?

1. It’s a means of exerting control over the someone. In any type of relationship, both parties should feel free to act how they choose.

What does it mean to give someone the silent treatment?

By giving the silent treatment, you are inferring that you are in the right and they are in the wrong and that it is their responsibility to fix this. You give them no choice in the matter – if they do not do what you want, the silence will carry on. 2. It’s a means of punishing the other person.

Why is it important to remain quiet?

In this case, remaining quiet is a way to cope with the situation and the person. Silence is a form of protection and is often the only way to calm things down following an altercation. The silent treatment is also recommended if you have escaped an abusive relationship with a narcissist or sociopath.

Why do people give silent treatment?

Most people who give the silent treatment don’t feel great about it at the time. It’s just a mechanism for dealing with conflict that they know.

What happens if one person uses the silent treatment on a regular basis?

If one person uses the silent treatment on a regular basis, it sows the seeds of anxiety in the mind of the other.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.