Treatment FAQ

how to deal with a narcissist silent treatment

by Dr. Fernando Powlowski IV Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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Trust yourself, and when necessary follow your best instincts. The best response to the Narcissist Silent Treatment game is to move forward with your common sense leading the way. And if the narcissist cannot respond with common sense, keep moving. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods.

Calmly tell the person that you've noticed they're not responding and you want to understand why. Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it's not your fault that someone else decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you've done something wrong.Apr 30, 2019

Full Answer

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

 · In my opinion, when dealing with a narcissist, the best solution is to go no contact and protect your energy. If you are able to go no contact right away, the best time always is now. A narcissist using the silent treatment or disappearance is a great time to make it permanent.

Why do narcissists give you the silent treatment?

 · 7. Never believe that there is a way to successfully communicate to the narcissist that the silent treatment hurts you. There are reams of articles that give you very unfortunate advice on how to deal with the silent treatment. Dig deep into the reasons why, they suggest. Respond to the silent treatment with calmness. Clearly state your boundaries.

What does silent treatment by a narcissist mean?

 · Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants....

How to get a narcissist to break the silent treatment?

The best way to deal with a narcissist is distance yourself from them. Don't call, text, email, or meet up with them unless it is an essential part of your job. Even then, try to arrange it so that they cannot blackmail you by threatening to tell others about your friendship. Finally, break their heart easily by avoiding them whenever possible.

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How to understand a narcissist's silent treatment?

Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. I always say that knowledge is power , and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place.

What is the silent treatment of a narcissist?

What is the narcissist’s silent treatment? Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight.

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days , hours, weeks, or even months to punish you for some perceived s light. It can cause severe emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening.

What is avoidance tactic?

In avoidance, the person using the silent treatment would be most likely.

Why do people use silent treatment?

A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to see that they’re angry or upset. Many narcissists use this kind of silent treatment, but it’s not only a narcissistic behavior.

How to heal from narcissistic abuse?

Awareness is the first step on the road to healing from narcissistic abuse, and that means avoiding recreating the type of environment which will allow these toxic people to flourish in our lives again. Believe it or not, this is just one of the many signs of gaslighting and emotional abuse you’ll notice if you’re in a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist.

What is the playbook move of a narcissist?

Keep in mind that one of the narcissist’s playbook moves is to isolate you from others in your life – the silent treatment will make you want to oblige in some cases, and you might even end up isolating yourself.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

A common reason is that they could try to punish you because you have hurt their ego, you had slight criticism, or you simply didn’t do what they expected or wanted you to do. The silent treatment could also be a response to you setting a healthy boundary or saying ‘no’ to something. Another reason to use it is to have control. Their aim can be to make you feel powerless and to control your behaviour.

What is the silent treatment used by narcissists?

A very common form of manipulation used by narcissists is the silent treatment. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. It’s passive-aggressive and it can be very frustrating and result in a lot of stress and anxiety.

What is the difference between silent treatment and narcissistic treatment?

The difference with a narcissist using the silent treatment is that a narcissist will not be able to speak about it afterwards, they will not take any responsibility, or admit they were hurt and used the silent treatment because of that.

What does it mean when someone uses silent treatment?

Now, using the silent treatment doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist or a toxic person . It can also be a sign of someone emotionally immature. A normal person, however, will let you know if they need some time to gather thoughts and tell you they will get back to you.

What happens when you are victim of silent treatment?

When victim of the silent treatment, you’re stuck in a game of manipulation instead of having healthy and normal communication. It’s very unhealthy behaviour and when used by narcissists it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Why do we use silent treatment?

Another important reason to use the silent treatment is avoiding responsibility. It could be a response to you wanting to speak about their behaviour or your relationship. Silent treatment basically is avoidance. It’s avoiding responsibility, blame, and projecting upon others by playing the victim.

Why is it important to shift your attention from a narcissist to yourself?

It’s thus very important to shift the attention from the narcissist to yourself again. Your energy will be drained, when your focus is on a narcissist.

How to survive with a narcissist?

According to a few research studies, one of the best ways to survive with a narcissistic person is to use the silent treatment. Wondering how you can do that and succeed? Keep reading to know 7 easy tips you could try out.

Why do people give silent treatment?

They could ask a loved one to ask you when last you spoke to them or display an act that you may most likely respond to. Because of their ego, they want you to reach out first.

How to keep yourself happy in an abusive relationship?

One of the ways to keep yourself happy when you are in an abusive relationship is to find things to constantly keep you happy . A person with narcissistic behavior won’t do this for you. But they always expect it from you. You’re either a tool for them to achieve something or an obstacle.

What happens when you learn that a man is manipulating?

When you learn that he is very manipulating, he disrespects others with no care and he lies for his own selfish reasons and displays emotional abuse. You may already know what you’re in for. Have it in mind that you may always be blamed for the wrong things with no credit for the good ones.

What to do if he notices you don't have friends?

If he notices you don’t have friends and you only have him to deal with, his ego would rise to over 100% and I don’t think you want to go through any emotional abuse. Reach out to old friends, go out in groups, and make good memories. Talk to someone else. Attend small get-togethers and family reunions. You could volunteer in some local groups.

What to do when a man threatens you?

If it need be, you could threaten but make sure you don’t make empty threats because if you do, it makes it worse. They won’t believe you the next time you do. Make him face some consequences, especially if it matters to you. This would affect his ego which would help make things subtle.

How to talk to your boyfriend about your problems?

Open up and communicate with the person. Let them know you’re not comfortable with the silence and would rather talk things out in a peaceful way. If it’s your boyfriend and you both have issues, be clear with your words and tell him you can’t resolve your problems this way.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

Narcissists use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

How to respond to silent treatment?

Dig deep into the reasons why, they suggest. Respond to the silent treatment with calmness. Clearly state your boundaries. Talk to the person kindly.

How do narcissists convince you?

If they’re able to get through to you, they can be very convincing by pretending to care about your well-being. However, once you’ve told them how you’re having a hard time and can’t get motivated to do anything, they’ll hang up with a smirk on their face because 1) they obliterated any progress you may have made and, 2) they know they’ll have an easy in once they decide the new supply needs a good ghosting of their own.

Why do narcissists pull the same disappearing act?

If the narcissist pulls the same disappearing act every time you want to have basic, adult communication, it’s not due to wounding, it’s due to their being highly manipulative and abusive.

What is silent treatment?

Psychologists consider the narcissistic silent treatment a form of abuse. It’s a popular form of mental torture used by narcissistic individuals, whereby they cut their victims off by not talking to them for extended periods of time.

What is the need to belong and feel accepted?

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the need to belong and feel accepted falls under the basic needs of food, water, and safety. In fact, this need can be so strong, it can override the needs of food and safety. Psychologists consider the narcissistic silent treatment a form of abuse.

What happens if you don't block a narcissist?

They see it as an invitation to send you random crippling abuse via SMS, to send out the occasional “dipping” message (to see if they can hook you), and to continue to keep you participating in their mind games…and this is exactly what happens when people don’t block the narcissist.

What happens when you silently treat someone?

The point is that the silent treatment results in the victim focusing on themselves and their behavior instead of the behavior of their abuser. Their abuser shifts blame, or shifts focus away from themselves, causing their victims great emotional distress to the point where they will take responsibility for things that they are not responsible for, leaving them confused and in a state of cognitive dissonance.

Who can use the silent treatment?

Indeed, the silent treatment can be used by just about anyone, including family members, significant others, friends, coworkers, or even by people who just met each other. You might be surprised who may use it: your elderly aunt, the salesperson at a clothing boutique, a person you once considered your best friend, and so on.

What are some examples of upset spouses?

A common example is a husband or wife is upset about something, and when their spouse asks them Whats wrong? or, Is everything okay? they dont respond or say that everythings fine. Asking a few more questions leads nowhere, so the spouse is left puzzled about what is actually going on. They may blame themselves by thinking that they did something wrong, or they may simply feel frustrated that their partner doesnt want to communicate openly with them.

What is the difference between silent treatment and time out?

The silent treatment, on the other hand, is destructive, indefinite, contemptuous, unilateral, and meant to alleviate the abusers sense of responsibility and allocate all the blame onto the victim. It is a manipulation tactic.

Why is it important to not talk during a time out?

Instead, a time-out just allows people to gather their thoughts and calm their emotions so that they can re-approach one another in a loving and healthy manner at a later time. The time-out is meant to cause clarity and calmness , while the silent treatment results in ambiguity, confusion, and distress.

Why is silent treatment harmful?

The silent treatment, while sometimes seemingly harmless when talking about it, can be a highly damaging and effective form of manipulation, coercion, and control used by toxic people. It is common, even though many victims feel alone and like they cant talk about it because no one will believe them or understand.

What is it called when you interact with a narcissist?

If you have ever interacted with a person who exhibits strong narcissistic or other dark personality traits, you have likely experienced what is known as the silent treatment .

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What to say when your spouse refuses to speak to you?

Your spouse refuses to speak to you or stomps around answering you in curt, clipped one-word answers. When you ask what’s bothering them, they say: If you cared about me/loved me, you’d know what’s bothering me. If you cared you’d apologize for what you did. Or they say nothing at all. 4.

What does it mean when an abuser gives you the cold shoulder?

3.When the abuser gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not even tellyou what it is that you’ve said or done, leaving you powerless to make an apology. This is punishing and disempowering you with silence.

What are some examples of curt sentences?

An example might be your mom wants you to come for the holidays and you can’t this year, so she either refuses to take your phone calls or she speaks to you in curt, clipped sentences.

How to make someone not take themselves so seriously?

Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation. If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren’t taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

What to tell someone to stop?

Another response that might get the person to stop is to tell him that his behavior appears immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. It’s best to do this if you truly do not feel affected by his behavior and can even laugh it off.

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Causes

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Narcissism is a personality disorder that stems from a persons psyche. Narcissism cannot be imbibed or induced. It is self developed. There are many reasons why a person may grow up to become a narcissist, in which dysfunctional families and several psychological factors play an integral role. When a narcissist feels that hi…
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Introduction

  • Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging and often unrewarding. Psychologists claim that a romantic relationship with a narcissist is actually based on a lie. A narcissist is a self absorbed person and he or she is incapable of loving someone truly because they are actually in love with their own selves. There is nothing and no one more important than …
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Characteristics

  • A narcissist has several tactics which he or she uses to control the person they are in a relationship with and they also invest their strategies to control the relationship itself. A narcissist is incapable of allowing himself or herself to go on a freewheeling ride where things are not under their control but that of lifes circumstances, which are a consequence of both people involved a…
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Mechanism

  • The silent treatment of a narcissist is almost like a self defense mechanism. When they are threatened, according to their psyche, to a compromise or a situation that they dont want to be in, they will play their cards and want the other person to retrace their steps.
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Effects

  • The silent treatment is pretty similar to a bad breakup. The narcissist will stop talking to the person, will not take their calls, not respond to the texts and if one is living in with the narcissist then there would be a cold shoulder at all times. There will be no confrontation, no emotional engagement or physical intimacy and the narcissist will actually behave in a manner that the oth…
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Treatment

  • The narcissistic silent treatment is very difficult to bear, especially in relationships that are relatively old or have progressed through the initial phases of dating. Unfortunately, it is difficult to counter the silent treatment without opting for intervention for the narcissist in the first place. If the problem is not cured at the root then t...
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