how to deal silent treatment

How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment

1. Take a gentle approach: Make it about them. If this isn’t something the other person regularly does to you, a gentle approach might be a good way to get ...
2. Or, make it about you. Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. ...
3. Ignore it until it blows over. ...
4. Offer solutions. ...
5. Stand up for yourself. ...

Full Answer

What's the best tactic against Silent Treatment?

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment

• Reach Out and Share How You Feel. Though you've likely already tried this in some fashion, sometimes all it takes to get the repair process started is one more earnest, ...
• Give Your Partner a Chance to Share Their Side of the Story. ...
• Suggest Some Next Steps to Take. ...
• Establish Boundaries. ...
• Build a Support Network. ...

How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?

How long should the silent treatment last? If your partner or spouse has been giving you the silent treatment for a month, a week or even a day, I’d like you to take a good look at your relationship because chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. Perhaps that comes as a shock, or you’ve known all along that you’re in a bad relationship.

How to respond when someone gives you the silent treatment?

• Never beg or plead. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again.
• Do not retaliate. It just escalates things.
• Do not apologize when it is not your mistake. ...
• Do not undermine yourself. ...
• Do not excuse the behavior. ...
• Do not broadcast. ...
• Do not build a mountain out of a molehill. ...

When you should use the silent treatment?

The silent treatment will be effective only and only when used as a means to create just enough space for allowing both partners to work through their own emotions, gather their thoughts and revisit a point of contention more pragmatically.

How do you break the silent treatment?

Tell the person how the silent treatment hurts and leaves you feeling frustrated and alone. That's not what you want or need in a relationship. Explain that you can't resolve issues this way, then be specific about those issues. If this sort of behavior is a relationship deal-breaker for you, state it plainly.

How long should the silent treatment last?

Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.

WHAT silent treatment does to a person?

Experiencing the silent treatment denies basic human social and relationship needs. The silent treatment has been known to end romantic relationships, alienate friends, and negatively impact child development. When children experience the silent treatment from parents or caregivers, the effects can be devastating.

How do you deal with the silent treatment with dignity?

Maintain your dignity and try these six strategies.Look for the reasons behind the silent treatment. ... Share the psychology behind silent treatment. ... Avoid reacting to silent abuse. ... Respond with calmness and speak kindly. ... State your boundaries clearly. ... Take care of yourself. ... Consider professional therapy.

What does silent treatment do to a woman?

In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.

How do you break a silent relationship?

10 steps to break relationship silenceText a thoughtful message.Make a phone call.Apologize.Schedule a coffee date.Avoid reacting to toxicity.Give the other person space.Workshops or classes.Use the situation to create boundaries.More items...•

Is the silent treatment disrespectful?

"Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment." Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it's "manipulative, disrespectful and not productive."

Is silent treatment a form of control?

The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.

Is ignoring someone toxic?

But here's the thing about blatantly ignoring someone: not only is it rude, immature, inconsiderate, cruel, and petty, it's downright emotionally (and sometimes physically) damaging. Just because you are not using your hands doesn't mean you can't irreparably hurt someone else.

How do you respond to emotional withholding?

Use "I" statements.For example, you may say, "I feel you are emotionally withholding from me and it bothers me" or "I feel we are not communicating our feelings as much as we could be and I would like us to try to figure out why that is."Try to be accepting and non-judgmental when you speak with your partner as well.

Why would someone give you the silent treatment?

Although a perpetrator might use the silent treatment in many different scenarios, this is what every scenario has in common: “People use the silent treatment because they can get away with it without looking abusive to others,” Williams explained, “and because it's highly effective in making the targeted individual ...

What to do when someone shuts you out?

What to say to someone when they are shutting you out“I understand you're feeling…”“I've given you a lot to consider. I'll give you time to digest.”“Let's take a breather and come back to this another time.”“I'm sorry I said…” or “I'm sorry I didn't…”“I'm not upset with you. ... “When you ignore me I feel…”

What is the silent treatment?

Ah the silent treatment, that common game of emotional chicken that makes you search every inch of your brain trying to work out what you did wrong.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Some people may use the silent treatment if they are angry or overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

Being on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel isolated, angry, upset and confused. Essentially your brain is trying to solve a puzzle that it doesn’t have the answer to.

What is the first move in silent treatment?

Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute.

Why does being a recipient of the silent treatment feel alien?

Being a recipient of the silent treatment feels alien because it goes against our basic social needs as human beings.

What to do if you think someone's behavior is beyond change?

If you think the person’s behavior is beyond change or the silent treatment repeats itself on a regular basis then you should consider leaving the relationship.

What to do if your girlfriend is not receptive?

If they don’t seem receptive, tell them you understand they may need some alone time. Be sure to try this multiple times and make sure that you’re happy that you’ve done as much as you can to resolve the dispute.

Why do people use silent treatment?

Someone might use the silent treatment as a way to avoid conflict or deflect responsibility. At times, people use the silent treatment as a way to punish another person. Ultimately, the person lacks the ability to communicate their feelings appropriately.

How to deal with someone who refuses to talk to you?

Deal with this childish and manipulative ploy like an adult by both understanding it and confronting it. Take the initiative to open the lines of communication in a calm manner. Invite them to share with you and actually listen. Finally, don’t get caught up in your feelings. Take care of yourself by doing things you enjoy, focusing on relaxation, or ending the relationship if it’s unhealthy.

What to do when you know you've done something hurtful?

If you know you’re in the wrong, say something. This gives you a chance to connect with their feelings and let them know that you’re aware of the pain you’ve caused.

How to stop a relationship that is unhealthy?

Finally, don’t get caught up in your feelings. Take care of yourself by doing things you enjoy, focusing on relaxation, or ending the relationship if it’s unhealthy. Steps.

What to say when someone is not ready to talk?

The person may not be ready to talk yet. If they don’t seem ready, say, “I can see you’re not ready to talk about this. Let’s revisit this in three days and talk then.”

How to deal with someone who has promised to change?

You cannot change someone. If the person has promised to change yet no progress has been made, take some steps to deal with emotional abuse on your own terms. Involve the support of other people. You may need to leave the relationship. Consider if this is a pattern or a one-time occurrence.

What to say when someone refuses to engage?

For example, say, “I’ m curious as to what’s contribu ting to your silence . Can you share with me what’s going on?” If they refuse to engage, say, “We can’t move forward if you’re not willing to engage. I need to know what’s going on and I need your cooperation.”

What is silent treatment?

The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (some times these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies. The silent treatment can be used as anabusive tactic ...

What to say when your spouse refuses to speak to you?

Your spouse refuses to speak to you or stomps around answering you in curt, clipped one-word answers. When you ask what’s bothering them, they say: If you cared about me/loved me, you’d know what’s bothering me. If you cared you’d apologize for what you did. Or they say nothing at all. 4.

What are some examples of curt sentences?

An example might be your mom wants you to come for the holidays and you can’t this year, so she either refuses to take your phone calls or she speaks to you in curt, clipped sentences.

How to make someone not take themselves so seriously?

Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. Laughing at them will only incite or enrage them, but if they use the silent-treatment regularly or other controlling, disempowering tactics, a sigh, smile and shake of the head (with maybe a strategic eye roll) can diffuse the situation. If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren’t taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously.

What to say to a parent who doesn't live with you?

If you are on the receiving end of a snippy, clipped semi-silent treatment, you can say something like: Dad/Mom, I love you so much and I want our relationship to be enjoyable and supportive.

What to tell someone to stop?

Another response that might get the person to stop is to tell him that his behavior appears immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. It’s best to do this if you truly do not feel affected by his behavior and can even laugh it off.

Is silent therapy good for couples?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy might be helpful.A couples therapist who is skilled in these methods might be a good choice.

How to get rid of the silent treatment?

2. Take a break. Familiarise yourself with a time-out (opens in a new tab). It’s a really useful strategy when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to think straight.

What does it mean when you use the silent treatment?

When you’re using the silent treatment, you’re attempting to manipulate and control your partner or spouse.

What is “the silent treatment” and how can you win it?

You’ll surely know what it feels like when someone gives you the silent treatment. They simply stop talking to you – for hours, days or even weeks.

Why does your spouse or partner ignore you?

The question I often get asked is: “Why do guys give the silent treatment?”

What to do if you're in a long distance relationship?

If you’re dating or are in a long-distance relationship and you’re being given the silent treatment, stop writing, texting or calling right away! You’re either being manipulated, or the relationship has ended.

What does it mean when your partner stops talking to you?

If your partner seems to have stopped talking to you out of the blue or after a fight, clearly the two of you are having a conflict – even if you weren’t aware that you’d done something ‘wrong’.

Do you need to worry about silent treatment?

If you’re using a more helpful way of communicating and argue fairly, you won’t need to worry about the silent treatment backfiring.

Why is silent treatment bad?

This decreases intimacy and trust between partners, and can cause anxiety and aggressive behavior. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to the problem.

How to stop being ignored?

First off, stay calm. Whether you’re doing the ignoring or being ignored, forget about anger, forget about your ego, just apologize. Have a conversation like a real adult. It’s not worth it to keep the silence.

Why is it important to warm up before a speech?

It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

How to stop feeling thirsty?

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

What are the emotions that come with being ignored?

This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Victims may experience depression, anger, and frustration, as well as feelings of restlessness, isolation and rejection, guilt, loneliness, and despair ― maybe even a sense of betrayal or bitterness. [2]

What happens when someone ignores you?

When someone ignores you, they might not realize the damage it causes ― or they do and they think it’ll make you better. Or maybe they need space but don’t bother to tell you that. They could just be avoiding a confrontation, and not realize they’ve gone about it the wrong way.

What does it feel like to be standing behind the curtain?

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

What to do if your partner gives you the silent treatment?

To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Both you and your partner need to feel this deep sense of value to have a fulfilling relationship that lasts over time.

What does it mean when you are treated unfairly?

In relationships, as in the workplace, this means that if you’re treated unfairly, you’ll use the passive-aggressive state of silence in an effort to defend your sense of self in a way that is less risky than speaking out about the unfairness. You can’t get in trouble, so this reasoning goes, for what you don’t say.

Is silence better than conversation?

Silence can sometimes be better than conversation, especially if you and your partner need to take a break from an argument and just cool off. When one partner refuses to speak, however, the silence can seem unbearable, especially if it continues. In the dirty dishes scenario, it would seem like your partner is resorting to silence as a way ...

How to respond to silent treatment?

Dig deep into the reasons why, they suggest. Respond to the silent treatment with calmness. Clearly state your boundaries. Talk to the person kindly.

What is silent treatment?

Psychologists consider the narcissistic silent treatment a form of abuse. It’s a popular form of mental torture used by narcissistic individuals, whereby they cut their victims off by not talking to them for extended periods of time.

Why do narcissists use silent treatment?

Narcissists use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.

How do narcissists convince you?

If they’re able to get through to you, they can be very convincing by pretending to care about your well-being. However, once you’ve told them how you’re having a hard time and can’t get motivated to do anything, they’ll hang up with a smirk on their face because 1) they obliterated any progress you may have made and, 2) they know they’ll have an easy in once they decide the new supply needs a good ghosting of their own.

Why do narcissists pull the same disappearing act?

If the narcissist pulls the same disappearing act every time you want to have basic, adult communication, it’s not due to wounding, it’s due to their being highly manipulative and abusive.

What is the need to belong and feel accepted?

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the need to belong and feel accepted falls under the basic needs of food, water, and safety. In fact, this need can be so strong, it can override the needs of food and safety. Psychologists consider the narcissistic silent treatment a form of abuse.

What happens if you don't block a narcissist?

They see it as an invitation to send you random crippling abuse via SMS, to send out the occasional “dipping” message (to see if they can hook you), and to continue to keep you participating in their mind games…and this is exactly what happens when people don’t block the narcissist.

Why do people use the silent treatment?

People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it.

How can we win the silent treatment?

You have to stop the silent treatment from being used against you in order to retain your self-esteem and dignity. There are a few ways you can learn how to win the silent treatment.

What is selfish treatment?

The selfish. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the silent treatment on a regular basis. Selfish people care for themselves over others and when something doesn’t go their way, they ignore others to make a statement.

What to do if you are silent?

If you are experiencing the silent treatment from someone you love, then therapy may be the only answer. This only works if your partner is willing to go to therapy in order to move forward. Unfortunately, so many people like using the silent treatment and don’t want a therapist taking that weapon away.

What happens when you are stuck in victim mentality?

So, when they are confronted with something they are doing wrong, they will grow silent and attempt to force their way.