Do grandparents get preferential treatment?
Yes, grandparents, those iconic beings charged with sprinkling unconditional love and inter-generational wisdom like fairy dust. Yet many remain mired in the muck of conflict and preferential treatment. Emmy Moretti is all too familiar with grandparent favoritism.
Who is Grandparenting advice expert Susan Adcox?
Susan Adcox is a grandparenting advice expert who wrote as an authority on grandparenting for nearly 10 years for The Spruce. She retired from teaching to become more actively involved in her grandchildren's lives. She authored the grandparenting book "Stories From My Grandparent: An Heirloom Journal for Your Grandchild."
Do grandparents treat all grandchildren the same?
When it comes to spending time with the grandchildren, grandparents are again unlikely to treat all grandchildren the same. There are dozens of factors that influence how grandparents spend time with grandchildren.
How to deal with disrespectful grandchildren?
When dealing with disrespectful grandchildren, you need to keep in mind that this requires a behavioral change once you know the root cause of it. However, this may take some time, so you need to be patient and don’t take it personally when their behavior worsens.
How does grandparent favoritism affect a child?
Grandparents may provide extra attention to a child who is bullied or going through a family crisis, but the favoritism does not last once the problems are resolved. Since favoritism is fluid, it does not devalue children as individuals.
How do you deal with parental favoritism?
What to do when favoritism is shown to a relative of yoursRemember you have favorites, too. The first step to dealing with favoritism is accepting that you too have favorites within your family. ... Honor your boundaries. ... Value your own happiness. ... Defend your boundaries. ... Find 'safe' outlets.
Why do grandparents treat grandchildren differently?
Grandparents recognize many behaviors like talking back, being lazy, and doing homework at the last second, as natural age-appropriate behaviors. Part of why grandparents treat their grandchildren better than their kids is because there are different societal expectations of grandparents than parents as well.
What do you do when a parent favors one child?
Explain yourself They don't say why one child gets more time than another. If they do explain it, however, it alleviates the resentment. They are preserving their bond with each child, who are probably perceiving the favoritism, and reasons for it, all wrong,” says Dr.
What does the Bible say about parents showing favoritism?
“If … you show favoritism, you commit sin” (Jas. 2:9). It is sin because it is contrary to the character and command of God. Because favoritism is sin, there is no place for it in the hearts of God's people, and certainly no place for it in the church.
What favoritism does to a child?
Favoritism can cause a child to have anger or behavior problems, increased levels of depression, a lack of confidence in themselves, and a refusal to interact well with others. These issues appear in children who were favored by a parent as well as those who were not.
What grandparents should not do?
60 Things Grandparents Should Never DoRequest more grandchildren. ... Give naming advice. ... Post about your grandkids online without their parents' permission. ... Hand off your grandkids to anyone who wants to hold them. ... Or let other folks watch your grandkids. ... Try to raise your grandkids like you did your own children.More items...
What is a toxic grandparent?
A toxic grandparent is someone with an over-inflated ego and a lack of empathy for other people's feelings. That includes people closest to them — their family. Even the slightest disagreement can be perceived as an attack, and all of the sudden grandma is “sick,” or grandpa is having “chest pains.”
Do narcissists love their grandchildren?
Naively, most children love and adore their grandparents—even narcissistic ones. Grandchildren provide a never-ending source of narcissistic supply, despite a narcissist's lack of true connection or genuine care.
Is favoritism emotional abuse?
Favoritism. The opposite side of scapegoating is favoritism. An example of favoritism is when an emotional child abuser will let one child get a car ride to school with friends, but the other child must walk or ride a bicycle to school even though that child also was offered a ride by friends.
Why would a parent choose one child over another?
Sometimes, parents prefer one child over another. Here are some reasons why. A large proportion of parents consistently favor one child over another. This favoritism can manifest in different ways: more time spent with one child, more affection given, more privileges, less discipline, or less abuse.
How do you deal with unequal inheritance?
Be Honest. If you choose to leave unequal inheritance for your children, one of the best ways to avoid hurt feelings and resentment among your children is to have an open and honest conversation with them about why you made your decision.
How to ensure that step-grandchild doesn't feel slighted?
So how is a grandparent to ensure that a step-grandchild doesn't feel slighted? One way is to think which biological grandchild the step-grandchild is the most likely to compare gifts with and ensure that they have equal gifts. A first-grader probably will not know or care if you spend more on a college-age grandchild, but if her cousin of the same age gets more or better gifts, it will be noticed.
What is a step grandparent?
So here's a definition to ponder: A step-grandparent is someone who steps up when needed, steps back when it causes conflict and steps in to give a child one more person to love.
Why do grandparents give more gifts to their grandchildren?
Gifts for older children tend to be more expensive than those for younger children, just to mention one factor. Also, if one set of grandchildren is needier than another set , the grandparents may give more to the ones who need it the most.
Why are step grandchildren less involved in the family?
Being less involved with step-grandchildren than with biological grandchildren may be due to exterior factors. For example, if a step-grandchild is in the custody of the other spouse and doesn't spend much time with the grandparent's side of the family, there may not be enough opportunity to bond. Relationships with the parents ...
Can grandparents treat their grandchildren the same?
When it comes to spending time with the grandchildren, grandparents are again unlikely to treat all grandchildren the same. There are dozens of factors that influence how grandparents spend time with grandchildren. A grandparent can't be blamed, for example, for leaving a toddler step-grandchild out of a camping trip that is planned for older grandchildren. But inviting a biological grandchild and leaving out a step-grandchild of roughly the same age is generally a recipe for resentment.
Do step grandparents feel disloyal?
Sometimes the issue isn't the grandparent hanging back but the grandchild doing so. Children who have loving relationships with other grandparents may feel disloyal if they grant their steps grandparent status. It may be better for all parties to think of this relationship in a slightly different way. And that difference may be reflected in what step-grandchildren choose to call their step-grandparents.
Does Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem play favorites?
Parental attitudes also enter into gift-giving practices. Although Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem says that she doesn't play favorites , she admits that her dollar expenditures aren't the same per grandchild.
Why should grandparents be notified of their behavior?
Privately letting grandparents know that their behavior appears preferential diminishes the risk of backlash from other family members. It also allows grandparents to process the information outside the glare of public scrutiny.
What is grandparent favoritism?
Grandparent favoritism—which frequently takes the form of extra gifts and attention —is an unfortunate fact for many families. Acknowledging favoritism’s pervasive nature is the easy part. Figuring out what to do about it is another matter that often reopens old childhood wounds. There’s some good news, though.
What is fluid favoritism?
Fluid favoritism shifts from one family member to another, so in theory, everyone has their time in the spotlight. One grandparent may prefer babies while another enjoys the company of teens. Grandparents may provide extra attention to a child who is bullied or going through a family crisis, but the favoritism does not last once the problems are resolved.
Why is it important to pay attention to the unique characteristics of each child?
Jensen also recommends paying attention to the unique characteristics that each child is attempting to build into their identity and avoiding comparisons. That’s especially important for the most under-valued subcategories of people on the planet—middle-born children. Find out what makes your middle-born kids special and focus on it with laser-like intensity.
Why are extended families important?
Children have a great deal to lose when families are divided. Extended families provide huge benefits to children who grow up surrounded by loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Is favoritism harmful to grandparent?
Not all grandparent favoritism is harmful and when it is, there are plenty of coping strategies. Before plotting out a strategy in anticipation of the next family gatherings, though, you might want to spend a little time separating out the truly harmful from the merely annoying variations of favoritism.
How to deal with disrespectful grandchildren?
When dealing with disrespectful grandchildren, you need to keep in mind that this requires a behavioral change once you know the root cause of it. However, this may take some time, so you need to be patient and don’t take it personally when their behavior worsens.
Why are my grandchildren disrespectful?
Some of the reasons why your grandchildren may be disrespectful include: 1. Poor parenting. Children with parents who indulge them and let them get away with anything can disrespect other people. 2. Lack of boundaries.
What happens if you don't instill discipline?
If you don’t instill this discipline from a young age, your grandchildren will likely be very disrespectful when they come to your home and seek to enforce some rules.
What can cause a rift between grandparents and grandchildren?
When it comes to relationships between grandparents and their grandchildren, a lack of respect can drive a huge rift between them.
Why do children act out when they move?
It’s mostly because the child has not been taught how to compromise, share, or accept defeat gracefully. 4. Lack of suitable coping mechanisms. When children are used to too much change , such as always moving houses, their anxiety about this may cause them to act out and disrespect everyone around them.
Can being around disrespectful grandchildren be a hardship?
No matter how much you love them, being around disrespectful grandchildren can be a hardship.
How to make your kids feel loved and supported?
Focus on your kids and surrounding them with family and friends who truly want to be part of what you have planned and want to help make your kids feel loved and supported. You know you can count on your parents. And maybe it is time to reach out to other families you’ve met in your community with whom you share interests and values, and begin spending time with them.
Do in-laws put a higher priority on grandchildren?
It pains me to say that based on the above examples, as well as numerous others you shared with me that space precludes from including here, it seems clear that your in-laws do put a higher priority on being with their other grandchildren’s family over being with your family.
