T he “Silent Treatment” destroys the ability of spouses to communicate and resolve conflict. That is why we have called it a “Marriage Killer”. It is an expression of stonewalling. Stonewalling is just as it sounds: anything we do that is building a stone wall between us and our spouse. Stonewalling means refusing to communicate or cooperate.
How to cope with silent treatment in marriage?
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- Embrace the break. The silent treatment often leads to some time apart. ...
- Show that you care. Although the silent treatment is annoying, try to see things through the person’s perspective.
- Apologize for your own wrongdoings. If you know you’ve said or done something hurtful, fess up. ...
- Get therapy. ...
Why does my husband give me silent treatment?
When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.
How does the silence treatment affect marriage?
What to do when your partner, wife or husband ignores you
- there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them
- you have the right to feel safe in your relationship – physically and emotionally – when your spouse ignores you, it’s hard to feel safe
- you are not your partner’s therapist
Why do narcissists use silent treatment?
Sometimes days or weeks, which keeps the victim in a constant state of fight-or-flight during which they feel isolated and rejected, as well as physically sick. Narcissists use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
How damaging is the silent treatment in a relationship?
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.
How do you respond to silent treatment in marriage?
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment from Your SpouseDon't assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. ... Explain to your Silent Spouse your need and desire to communicate. ... Be ready to listen, not just talk. ... Be gracious, not caustic or sarcastic, when your spouse does make the effort to talk with you.More items...
What type of person gives the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
How do you handle your partner giving you the silent treatment?
How to respondName the situation. Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. ... Use 'I' statements. ... Acknowledge the other person's feelings. ... Apologize for words or actions. ... Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue. ... Avoid unhelpful responses.
Can silent treatment lead to divorce?
"And most of the research that we cited mentioned it as a pervasive and/or common struggle for married partners." Schrodt's study shows that demand-withdrawal, including the silent treatment, can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and even be a factor in divorce.
How long should the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
Is silent treatment a red flag?
The Silent Treatment is Your S.O.'s Main Conflict Technique If you're in a relationship, conflicts and arguments come with the territory. Managing these conflicts and working through them together are a necessary part of developing a healthy relationship, which makes the silent treatment a huge red flag.
What are the 5 signs of emotional abuse?
5 Signs of Emotional AbuseThey are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You. ... They Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy. ... They are Possessive and/or Controlling. ... They are Manipulative. ... They Often Dismiss You and Your Feelings.
Why is silence so powerful?
Being silent allows us to channel our energies. It gives us the clarity we need to calmly face challenges and uncertainty. The hour of silence I practice each morning, and encourage you to practice as well, can be a time for collecting our thoughts, training our minds, and deciding how we want to enter into the day.
Is ignoring someone a form of emotional abuse?
The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse.
Does silent treatment mean break up?
The silent treatment is a particularly toxic form of behavior that can lead to the breakdown of relationships. When a partner gives you the silent treatment, you might feel a crazy need to make him talk.
When should you walk away from your marriage?
There are times you MUST leave—if there is ongoing abuse or if you are in danger of physical harm, you should only consider staying safe. Repeated bouts of addiction, cheating, emotional badgering, and severe financial abuse need to be handled with extreme care as well.
Why does husband give silent treatment?
In most cases, the demanding partner feels abandoned and the silent partner feels afraid—their silence is a way to protect themselves from more pain. To resolve the issue, both partners need to take responsibility for their behavior and try to empathize with their partner.
What to do when he goes silent?
6 Ways to Respond to the Silent TreatmentTake some time to cool off.Give your partner space to think.Don't apologize unless you're truly sorry.Apologize if you're truly sorry.Ask yourself whether it's just a personality difference.Set rules for healthy communication.
When should you walk away from your marriage?
There are times you MUST leave—if there is ongoing abuse or if you are in danger of physical harm, you should only consider staying safe. Repeated bouts of addiction, cheating, emotional badgering, and severe financial abuse need to be handled with extreme care as well.
Is silent treatment manipulation?
The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.
Why do people use silent treatment in marriage?
Some people use the silent treatment in marriage to deal with problems. They use it to cut the argument short or as leverage. To figure out the mechanics behind silent treatment in marriage and how to react to it, let us first understand the motivations behind it.
What are the psychological effects of silent treatment?
It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, paranoia, dependency, loss, and loneliness. It could potentially lead to anxiety and clinical depression. Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children.
What is silent treatment abuse?
It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. It is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm.
How to win against silent treatment?
Do something constructive such as going about your day. If you are thinking about how to win against the silent treatment, the best way is to give your partner space while preventing them from thinking that their psychological attack is working. Silent treatment emotional abuse is a form of attack.
What is the marriage.com course?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Is silence fair in marriage?
Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, don’t do more or less than what you would usually do.
Can you cool down with your partner?
However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you. Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship.
The Problem With the Silent Treatment
To be clear, silence isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes staying quiet is an emotionally intelligent strategy that helps you avoid saying something you’d regret later, or helps you gain clarity about your thoughts and feelings.
What is Silent Treatment?
But the silent treatment — an abject refusal to communicate — is a harmful transgression against a marriage. Here are a few reasons why:
3 Ways to Avoid the Silent Treatment
Repressing your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Unexpressed feelings can become more pronounced over time and lead to consequences ranging from a major fight to stress-induced illnesses . So, the next time you’re feeling strong emotions during a disagreement with your spouse, use simple “I” statements to express how you’re feeling.
Learn How to Stop Silent Treatment
Let your voice be heard. Communicate your needs. Speak your truth — and help your spouse do the same. Contact The Marriage Restoration Project today to schedule a free relationship clarity consultation call with Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.
Why is silent treatment so deadly?
The reason it's so deadly is because it eclipses the purpose of anger, which is to use it constructively to bring about positive change going forward in a relationship ," she says.
Why did Jim Mulholland and Gwendolyn find their marriage on the brink?
After more than 11 years together, Gwendolyn and Jim Mulholland found their marriage on the brink because, she admits, her use of the silent treatment had become a go-to weapon whenever problems arose.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is simply the deliberate act of withholding one’s emotions from a partner by refusing to respond to attempted communication and refusing to initiate conversation. The silent treatment is lethal and could occur in all types of relationships.
What is the purpose of stonewalling?
It is often used as a protective mechanism during a conflict. The goal of stonewalling is to avoid uncomfortable, emotionally heated conversations.
Silent treatment in marriage can be an auto-response when a spouse feels wounded
At least, it was my default as a newlywed wife. But as I have matured in marriage, I have come to see the futility of silent treatment.
Silent treatment in marriage – the lesson
Years before I got married, someone said “your similarities, not your differences will create some of your greatest marriage angst.”
