A toxic parent will do this to their child at any age. I have read numerous accounts of and spoken to many people that have said their parent gave them the silent treatment when they were a young child and a teenager, and they still do it to them regularly well into adulthood.
Full Answer
When to know if your child is giving the silent treatment?
In fact, often you’ll get the silent treatment when your child has done something wrong and knows it. They use the silent treatment to blackmail you emotionally. (If your child’s silent treatment is sudden and unexplained, be aware that there may be an underlying abuse or a medical issue.
Do you give the silent treatment?
If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t get someone to talk to you, or even acknowledge you, you’ve experienced the silent treatment. You may even have given it yourself at some point.
When does the silent treatment cross the line into emotional abuse?
Here are a few signs that suggest the silent treatment is crossing the line into emotional abuse territory: It’s a frequent occurrence and is lasting for longer periods. It’s coming from a place of punishment, not a need to cool off or regroup.
What are the consequences of the silent treatment?
Any kind of abuse has consequences, and the silent treatment is not the exception. Not only does the silent treatment affect the victim’s emotional state. In addition, the silent treatment breaks the bond between child and parent. A victim of the silent treatment tends to draw away from the abuser.
Is the silent treatment good for kids?
The silent treatment can be a viable form of discipline if it's done with intention and in the service of behavior modification and self-preservation. And, yes, that assertion can feel at odds with parenting styles that place an emphasis on hovering or yelling to keep kids in line. But that's kind of the point.
Why do children give silent treatment?
The silent treatment gives your child a feeling of power and control over you. It's how they push your buttons and get you to leave them alone. Know that if your child gives you the silent treatment, that's probably the best problem-solving skill he has at that moment.
What happens when you give your child the silent treatment?
During a period of silent treatment, a child will escalate their behaviour in some way. As they get older, he or she may also withdraw or do "desperate" things for attention, Ms James says.
How long should the silent treatment last?
If the perpetrator still refuses to acknowledge the victim's existence for long periods of time, it might be right to leave the relationship. In the end, whether it lasts four hours or four decades, the silent treatment says more about the person doing it than it does about the person receiving it.
Is the silent treatment immature?
At best the silent treatment isan immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulativeindividuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. One demographic of the population that particularly loves the silent treatment is the narcissist.
Is silent treatment abuse parents?
Using the silent treatment is emotional abuse that can affect the victim as any other form of abuse. The silent treatment can be a traumatic experience for children of all ages, mostly when it is coming from parents. Children think they can trust their parents to stand by them, even when they make mistakes or fail.
Is silent treatment a form of control?
People who use the silent treatment as a means of control want to put you in your place. They'll give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks on end to achieve those goals. This is emotional abuse.
Is the silent treatment a learned behavior?
The silent treatment could be a learned behavior (perhaps a parent used it and they know no other way) or simply a maneuver they know works. Regardless, the silent treatment is a petty, passive-aggressive tactic used in emotional warfare.
What is emotional abuse parent?
The Parent Isolates The Child "Emotional abuse includes behaviors by caregivers that includes verbal and emotional assault such as continually criticizing, humiliating, belittling or berating a child, as well as isolating, ignoring, or rejecting a child," psychotherapist Mayra Mendez, Ph.
Why the silent treatment is toxic?
In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.
How do you confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment?
7 Useful Ways to Confront Someone Giving You the Silent Treatment...Question Your Own Behavior.Rehearse What You Are Going to Say.Speak in Private.Write Them a Letter/E-mail.Use Humor.Pay Attention to Your Tone.Act in a More Assertive Manner.
Why is silence the best revenge?
Silence speaks volumes Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.
How to get kids to open up faster?
Another way to encourage children to open up faster is to take away privileges until they speak. You can take away their phone or video games until they stop using the silent treatment . On the other hand, you can ask them to stay in their room until they’re ready to talk.
Can you force your child to speak?
You can’t force your children to speak. You need to be available and wait for them to want to talk about the problem. We recommend keeping calm while tackling the problem.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. It can be a fleeting reaction to a situation in which one person feels angry, frustrated, or too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Why do people go silent?
But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance.
What to do when your spouse is silent?
If it’s your spouse or partner, you both may benefit from couples counseling or individual therapy to learn better ways to manage conflicts. When the silent treatment is part of the larger issue of emotional abuse, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.
What to do when things escalate to emotional abuse?
When things escalate to emotional abuse, you’re not in a healthy relationship. It’s time to put yourself first. If you believe the relationship is worth salvaging: Set firm boundaries about what acceptable behavior is and how you expect to be treated.
Is silent treatment a good way to communicate?
While it’s not always malicious, the silent treatment certainly isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. Last medically reviewed on April 30, 2019.
Is silent treatment always meant to inflict wounds?
The silent treatment isn’t always meant to inflict wounds. Sometimes, it’s an isolated incident that gets out of hand. You can let it slide until they come around and move on.
Is silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?
Recognizing other types of emotional abuse. The silent treatment doesn’t always relate to emotional abuse. Some people lack effective communication skills or need to retreat into themselves to work things out. To emotional abusers, though, the silent treatment is a weapon of control.
Why do teens use silent treatment?
A youngster or teenager who uses the silent treatment does so as a way to shut parents out – and push their emotional buttons. The silent treatment also gives the youngster a feeling of power and control over the parents. And the more parents make an issue of this form of emotional abuse, the more the youngster uses this strategy.
How to deal with a child who is mad?
1. Don’t fall into the “reaction trap.” Many parents take the silent treatment personally; they feel powerless as a parent and react with anger and threats. This is exactly what your child wants. When you get mad and lose it, your child wins – and he/she knows it. Also he/she will kick-up the silent treatment to a whole new level now that it has been reinforced by your over-reaction.
What happens to a child during silent treatment?
During a period of silent treatment, a child will escalate their behaviour in some way. As they get older, he or she may also withdraw or do "desperate" things for attention, Ms James says. The silent treatment isn't just about silence. It can take on many forms, like not doing things you would usually do for someone. (.
Why do parents use the silent treatment?
Why parents use the silent treatment. In romantic relationships, the silent treatment is used to avoid conflict, inflict punishment or because that person is frozen in silence, unable to communicate. For parent-child relationships, it's more often a result of parents feeling "overwhelmed and helpless", Ms James says.
What is the silent treatment in ABC Life?
ABC Life audience members share how the silent treatment can breakdown relationships between partners, siblings, parents, colleagues and friends. "Part of that motivation is to convey to the child that they, the parent, are very distressed and that the child has hurt them.
Is silent treatment considered emotional abuse?
The silent treatment can be considered emotional abuse if it's frequent and participants are not reflective, Ms James says. "If what happens in between is that you repair as opposed to sweeping it under the carpet, likely over time that behaviour will happen less," she says.
What is silent treatment?
The silent treatment is often thought of as a harmless way of punishing a disobedient child by parents. In several families, parents believe the silent treatment is one of the best ways of punishing their children. But as said by the psychotherapist Richard Zwolinski, “The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, ...
Why do parents believe in silent treatment?
Parents believe the silent treatment is a peaceable way of punishment since no verbal or physical abuse is exchanged. What parents do not realize is the harm they can cause in their children’s mind.
How does silent punishment affect a person?
A silent punishment can affect a person emotionally as much as verbal abuse can. Psychologists consider the silent treatment a form of mental and psychological abuse. It affects the victim mentally, often making them feel unwanted and insignificant. As the silent treatment is being used, forced upon the victim, ...
What happens when a parent overuses the silent punishment method?
They do not feel comfortable sharing with them. When the parent has overused the silent punishment method, the parental bond can be broken beyond repair.
Why should silent treatment not be used as a punishment?
The silent treatment should not be used as a punishment because it affects children emotionally and strains the relationship and trust between parent and child. Photo: Cristian V. / Flickr. Author. Karime Salas.
What is the silent treatment for narcissism?
Most of the time, the silent tactic works, “Often, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control”. More importantly, the victim ends up stuck to the ground, insecure and fearing their own actions.The silent treatment is associated with anxiety ...
Why do parents want to gain control again after being disobedient?
As parents seek to gain control again after being disobeyed, they believe they are handling the situation the best way possible. They think that since it isn’t physical abuse or verbal fighting, it will not affect their children enough to cause any damage. But they are wrong.
Don’T Show Your Cards
Don’T Give in
- Our second piece of advice is to not give in when your children try giving you the silent treatment. Children often use this technique to try to achieve a goal. For example, they may want to avoid punishment after breaking a rule. Your children don’t want to recognize that they’ve done something wrong and accept the consequences. Instead, they reverse the situation using the sil…
Take Charge of The Problem
- You can’t force your children to speak. You need to be available and wait for them to want to talk about the problem. We recommend keeping calm while tackling the problem. Make it clear that the silent treatment isn’t a way to resolve issues. For example, you can say, “I understand that you’re upset. We can’t solve the problem if you don’t talk to me.”
Give Your Children An Incentive to Talk
- Another way to encourage children to open up faster is to take away privileges until they speak. You can take away their phone or video games until they stop using the silent treatment. On the other hand, you can ask them to stay in their room until they’re ready to talk. Don’t turn it into a bitter fight or a big problem. You just have to say, “I’...
Don’T Pressure Them
- Asking them over and over again to talk can make them keep quiet even longer. Therefore, you need to give them space to think about what happened and ways to solve the problem. One thing you shouldn’t do is turn the situation into a power struggle. Fighting with your children or using the silent treatment on them won’t solve anything. It will only make the situation worse and hurt you…